Advertisements

Blog Archives

We’re Doomed: Taking A Selfie Has Claimed More Lives Than Shark Attacks This Year

OH – The Great White shark used to be one of the most effective killing machines on the planet — or so we thought. Nowadays, the act of taking a selfie is proving far deadlier.

Just a year after the word was added to the dictionary, the selfie is claiming more lives than shark attacks, according to a report by Condé Nast Traveler.

There have been dozens of deaths related to tourists taking selfies, according to Condé Nast research, compared with just eight confirmed shark-related deaths this year through August. And that’s just the widely reported cases involving tourism — there are likely far more non-tourist-specific cases, such as people taking selfies and Snapchat videos while behind the wheel of a car.

shaking head

You know what’s not a good sign for the future of the human race? Finding out that more people dies taking selfies than getting eaten by sharks. I still think getting eaten by a shark is dumb. Sharks live in the water, humans don’t. You’re going to lose that battle every time. With that said, getting eaten by a shark makes a lot more sense than dying while taking a selfie. What happened to just taking a picture of something? I know it’s cooler if you’re in the picture, but what’s cooler: dying or not dying? I’m going to go with not dying. How about we start taking pictures of things and stop stuffing our fat faces into pictures and risking death. Either that or we need to start throwing people who can’t swim into shark infested water so we can flip flop this statistic and it starts making sense.

-Ryan

Advertisements

Sharknado 2 is Perfectly Summed Up With This Mesmerizing GIF

02-chomp

 

Kelly Osbourne doing her best flight attendant impression, trying to keep the passengers calm while sharks blow out the engine and eat both of the pilots, when OH MY GOD A FUCKING SHARK comes and takes her head clean off. That’s the danger of Sharknado’s: you never know where or when the sharks are going to come for you. If this GIF doesn’t get the Jim Ross treatment by the end of the day then what’s the point of all of this? By the way, Sharknado 2 was magnificent.

– Ryan

H/T Uproxx

Here Are Some Of the Deaths on Season 1 of ‘Game of Thrones’…With Jim Ross’s Commentary

Jim Ross’s commentary paired with non wrestling things continues to be the greatest videos on the internet, especially when the non wrestling things are something as awesome as Game of Thrones. “The caskets on fire! The caskets on fire!”.

– Ryan

Monster Blog Wednesday: Favorite Season Finale Moments

Game of Thrones season four is coming to an end this Sunday, so we decided to look back and find our favorite season finale moments from television’s past.

The Sopranos Season 2 Finale “Funhouse” –  Big Pussy’s Death

Although we saw it coming, the death of Sal “Big Pussy” Bonpensiero was still heartbreaking and violent. It was a stark reminder that there are rules to be followed in  Tony Soprano’s world, and if you break those rules, best friend or not, you’ll sleep with the fishes. While friendship isn’t exactly a major theme in the  Soprano’s, Tony’s crew relied on each other to survive in the cutthroat world of organized crime. As you might expect, Big Pussy wasn’t the first or last cog to fall during the Soprano’s run, but his death was one of the most important in the series.

– Ryan

Breaking Bad Season 4 Finale “Face Off” –  The Death of Gus and the Rise of Heisenberg.

In one of Heisenberg’s most devious plans he turns his once nemesis, Hector Salamanca, into his interment of death but taking down the fried chicken king with a bell, a pipe bomb, and the element of surprise. When I was watching this episode unfold I had no idea that Gus would go this way. I had a feeling his days were numbered as Walter became more and more like the devil incarnate, but I had no idea he would go like this. The ultimate “fuck you” move has to be settling the score by taking your lifetime enemy down with you. And of course, who comes out on top? Walter White.

giphy

-Matt

 

Was Paul “Papa Smurf” Karason The Unhealthiest Man Who Ever Lived?

A man who turned blue after taking silver for a skin condition has died.

Paul Karason, 62,  suffered a heart attack before contracting pneumonia and having a severe stroke  at a Washington state hospital on Monday.

His estranged wife, Jo Anna Karason, broke the news on Tuesday.

Karason — dubbed “Papa Smurf” — shot to fame in 2008 when he appeared on NBC’s “Today” show to talk about his condition, known asargyria.

He revealed his skin turned blue as a side effect of consuming a silver  compound for more than 10 years to treat a bad case of dermatitis on his  face.

To try and counteract the color change, he also claimed he had  self-medicated doses of colloidal silver, a suspension of silver in a liquid  base.

Silver, which has antibacterial properties, was used to fight infection  until the 1930s when penicillin was found to be more effective.

The FDA banned it being used in over-the-counter medicines in 1999 because  of its link to argyria, which resulted when the silver reacted with light collected in the skin.

His widow added that, as well as the skin condition, her husband also had a  history of other health problems.

A heavy smoker, his heart often troubled him and he underwent triple bypass surgery five years ago.

For editorial use only. Additional clearance required for commercial or promotional use. Contact your local office for assistance. Any commercial or promotional use of NBCUniversal content requires NBCUniversal's prior written consent.

First off the answer has to be yes. Let’s look past the fact that his SKIN WAS BLUE BECAUSE HE THOUGHT EATING SILVER WOULD HELP HIS SKIN DERMATITIS. He died of a heart attack, pneumonia and a severe stroke. Oh and he had triple bypass surgery five years ago. I guess that’s what happens when you smoke cigarettes and eat silver for a living. I can say with extreme confidence that I’m incredibly out of shape, but Paul makes me look like an Olympic athlete. Rest easy, Paul. Lay off the silver in heaven.

– Ryan

Monsterblog Wednesday – Last Meals, What You Got?

What would you eat for your last meal? Walk in the park right? WRONG. Some people may think they have a favorite food, but all that changes when you realize this will be the last thing you put in your flavor snout forever. Here are our picks, whats yours? Comment below!

Meatloaf

Meatloaf

When I eventually get arrested, and sentenced to death, for loving the Tampa Bay Buccaneers too much, i’m going to be eating like a king at my last meal. What do I have? Meatloaf, hands down. A delicious meatloaf made with extra ketchup and a ketchup sauce all over the top just seeping into the meaty goodness. Maybe I make a sandwich or maybe I have it plain. I don’t know, it’s my last meal, i’ll do what I want. Just so I am clear I’m not talking a couple slices either. I’m talking a big, fat, tender, juicy loaf. The whole loaf, and nothing but the loaf. This is your last meal, if your goal isn’t to eat like you’ve never ate before then you’re doing it wrong. My aim is to have a heart attack before they can jolt me.

-MattyV

Beef Stew

983190702_1379298240

I’m living my dream as a high school chemistry teach when out of nowhere I get diagnosed with cancer. My next logical step is to team up with one of my former students and start selling meth, partly because I’ve always felt undervalued and partly to keep food on the table for my family (my son has an insatiable appetite for breakfast foods). Things go surprisingly smoothly, unless you count the fact that I’m now murdering drug dealers and I’m constantly paranoid of being caught because my brother in law is a  DEA agent. Things really go south when I shave my head and start wearing a fedora. Eventually I become a kingpin, but I still don’t feel I get the respect I deserve. After leaving the business, my brother in law finally realizes I’m the man he’s been searching for all along. Just as he’s about to arrest me however, my Nazi friends kill him and his underrated Spanish partner and steal almost all of my money. MY MONEY! Now that my family is in shambles, my sleazy lawyer hooks me up with a vacuum salesmen who puts me in the unofficial witness protection program. I’m content with living out the rest of my life in New Hampshire. As I’m ready to finally surrender, my two old college friends just happen to be on the TV and condemn me for entering the drug business, and strike my name from the annals of history. Not on my watch. I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS! I summon up the courage to get back to my hometown and take out the Nazi’s and my former student, who ratted me out to the feds. The police finally have me surrounded, but before I put my hands behind my head, I reach into my pocket and find the Ricin I had left there for a rainy day. Do I take it? No. I’ll wait for the beef stew in prison. I love beef stew.

-Ryan

What’s More Embarassing: Getting Pushed Off A Cliff Or Getting Trampled By An Elephant?

HELENA, Mont.  — They were newlyweds, but she was having second thoughts about the 8-day-old marriage, court documents say. The couple drove the short distance from their Kalispell home to Glacier National Park, where they got into an argument. He grabbed her by the arm, but she pulled away and shoved him face-first off a cliff to his death. Federal prosecutors have given their version of what happened to Cody Lee Johnson, 25, two months after his body was found in an area of the park so steep and rugged that a helicopter had to be used in the recovery. Jordan Linn Graham, 22, appeared Monday in federal court in Missoula on a second-degree murder charge in Johnson’s July 7 death. Her attorney, public defender Andrew Nelson, declined to comment. Johnson’s family and friends had called for an investigation since the body was recovered July 12 below the Loop Trail near the sheer cliff drops of the park’s popular Going to the Sun Road. Johnson loved her and was excited for their marriage after a two-year courtship, but his relatives suspected that Graham didn’t exactly reciprocate, family friend Tracey Maness said. She was aloof, didn’t want to spend time with his family, and clammed up when she did, Maness said. He told his mother that Graham would change when they got married, Maness said. “Nobody ever could have thought something like this could happen,” she said. On the night Johnson died, Graham told a friend that she meant to talk with Johnson about “having second thoughts about having been married,” according to an FBI affidavit filed with the criminal complaint.

Just before 9 p.m., she texted the friend that she was about to talk to him. “But dead serious if u don’t hear from me at all again tonight, something happened,” Graham wrote, according to the affidavit. Johnson was reported missing July 8 when he failed to show up for work, and Graham was questioned the following day. She originally told investigators that Johnson sent her a text message the night of his death, saying he was going for a drive with a friend from out of town. She said she arrived to see a dark-colored car pulling out of their driveway, and that Johnson was in it. On July 11, two days after that interview, Graham told a park ranger in Glacier that she had found the body below the popular Loop area, the affidavit said. The park ranger commented that it was unusual that she found it. “It was a place he wanted to see before he died,” she said, according to the affidavit. “He would come up here with friends to drive fast when his friends were visiting from out of town.” Five days later, Graham admitted to authorities in a second interview that she had lied, according to the affidavit. She told them she and Johnson had an argument, were upset and decided to go to the Loop Trail. They continued arguing on the trail, and it intensified. At one point, she turned to walk away, but Johnson grabbed her arm, she said. She turned around, removed his hand from her arm and “due to her anger, she pushed Johnson with both hands in the back, and as a result, he fell face first off the cliff,” the affidavit said. Maness described Johnson as a “big goofball” with a great sense of humor who was into cars, video games, four-wheeling and kayaking. He and Graham during their engagement would go to Glacier for some of the easy day hikes, most recently in May, she said. She said the family is relieved that the investigation is finally complete and charges brought after two months. “Two months probably isn’t very long for an FBI investigation, but when you’re waiting for answers, that’s a lifetime,” she said.

image

image

As I was reading about what happened to Cody, I remebered an article about an old man who got trampled by and elephant  and it got me thinking: what would be the most embarrassing way to die? Not the worst way to die. That’s still being in an enclosed tank as it slowly fills up with water. Kind of like how Charlie died in Lost, except without the permanent marker or the heroin addiction. But what about the most embarassing way to die? Getting shoved off a cliff by your new bride is pretty embarassing, but so is getting trampled by an elephant playing bocce.

Unless you’re Stallone in Cliffhanger, you’re probably not going to survive a shove to the face off a cliff. I just don’t know if that’s the way I want to go out. Marry a girl one week, the next week she’s throwing you off a cliff. In her defense, who has an argument with a girl then takes her to a mountain top? Unless he was planning on throwing her off the cliff, but she saw it coming and pulled the ol’ switcharoo. Brutus move if I ever saw one.

Next we have the old French man who got trampled by an elephant. I understand the guy was in his 80s, but how do you not see or hear an elephant coming? It’s not like it can sneak up on you. I feel like if an elephant was charging towards I could casually step aside and it would keep running. This is what happens when you get emotionally invested in bocci. You get trampled by a runaway elephant named Tania.

These are both embarassing ways to die, but I gotta believe my friends would give me way more flack for getting run over by a elephant. The old French man trumps the cliff diver.

– Ryan

Meet Jonathan “Vader” Rice – He’s Insane…Completely Insane.

darthchallenge

Jonathan Banks must have grown up under power lines, either that or on the Death Star.  I’m hoping the latter.  Banks decided that he was going to run across Death Valley in a Darth Vader costume (ok, the Darth attire is a power move).  But don’t worry, it was only 129 degrees when he did it…..wait? what? Jonathan classifies himself as a “heat runner”. Now i’m no runner, nothing close, but i’m pretty sure this is a classification he made up himself.  That would be like me taking a bath with a toaster and calling myself an electrical swimmer. He has a death [Valley] wish and as shocking as the whole thing is he accomplished the feat in just shy of 7 minutes. I don’t know what the length of the run was, but at 129 degrees, I know i’m not lasting 45 seconds.  Even though I think he is insane for doing this, I have to applaud a man for doing what makes him happy.  May the force be with you, Jonathan Banks.

-MattyV

PS – This is his FOURTH time doing it. I bet if he goes for the unprecedented 5th time Denny’s will give him a free grandslam.

%d bloggers like this: