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Adam Silver Was the Epitome of Class Last Night When He Drafted Isiah Austin Into the NBA

This was far and away the highlight of the NBA Draft last night. Isaiah Austin was a lock to be drafted into the NBA coming out Baylor, but was diagnosed with Marfan’s Syndrome, a connective tissue disorder that guaranteed he would never play basketball again. Instead of just saying ‘oh well, tough luck”, Adam Silver decided to spotlight Austin, and in an extremely classy gesture, made him an honorary draft pick for the NBA. If you need to know how much this meant to Austin, just look at how he breaks down when Silver announces he’s been drafted by the NBA. This is a kid, like every other athlete in the room, who has been busting his ass, basically dedicating his life to his sport, in the HOPES that maybe, with an extreme amount of luck, he would have his name announced on draft night. To have that dream cut short and be completely out of your hands must be devastating. This move by the NBA and Adam Silver doesn’t change any of that, but it sure must’ve felt good to get the support he greatly deserves.

– Ryan

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Adam Silver Missed The Boat By Not Having Donald Sterling Attend Michael Scott’s Diversity Day Training

A lifetime ban and a $2.5M fine might be OK with some people but not for me. Donald Sterling might not own an NBA team anymore but we’re ignoring the root of the problem: he’s an admitted, proud racist. Fining him pocket change and banning him from the sport in which 80% of the players are people he hates probably isn’t going to change his views, but sending him to Diversity Day training with Michael Scott will. It’s the ultimate cure all for racists of all kinds. I really hope Adam Silver adds a diversity day provision into this ruling. Donald Sterling needs it. America needs it. I need it.

– Ryan

It is Our Distinct Pleasure to Welcome Donald Sterling to the Racist Hall of Fame Class 2014

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Sterlings comments about not wanting his girlfriend to bring black people to his games are what lands him on the top of our hall of fame class. Donald Sterling really knows the right words to say, especially since he owns a NBA team. It’s over, Donald, time to sell the team. Don’t expect him to sell the team to someone that isn’t caucasian, Donny don’t roll like that.

Former inductees include:

John Rocker

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You thought we’d forget you, didn’t you John? No racist hall of fame ceremony, especially a sports racist hall of fame ceremony, is complete without John Rocker. Back when the Mets didn’t suck, they had a pretty awesome rivalry with their NL East foe the Atlanta Braves. During the midst of this rivalry, Braves pitcher John Rocker did an interview with Sports Illustrated. Rocker was asked his views on New York and the people who inhabit the state, and naturally his answer was unimaginably horrible:

  • On ever playing for a New York team: “I would retire first. It’s the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the [Number] 7 train to the ballpark, looking like you’re [riding through] Beirut next to some kid with purple hair next to some queer with AIDS right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It’s depressing.”
  • On New York City itself: “The biggest thing I don’t like about New York are the foreigners. I’m not a very big fan of foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?”

As you can imagine, this didn’t go over well in New York or any other civilized place in the world. Rocker never backtracked any of his words and just turned into a shitty pitcher who hated everyone but white Americans. You’ve joined an elite class, Mr. Sterling.

Cliven Bundy

After this racist rant Bundy went on to blame Martin Luther King Jr. for his racism. Hey Cliven, you are already in the Hall of Fame, don’t show off.

 

There you have it, the worst of the worst and our first official selections into the racist hall of fame. It is really shocking that these types of people exist. Scum to the highest of degrees.

-The Average Nobodies

Honorary member:

Clayton Bigsby

Was Paul “Papa Smurf” Karason The Unhealthiest Man Who Ever Lived?

A man who turned blue after taking silver for a skin condition has died.

Paul Karason, 62,  suffered a heart attack before contracting pneumonia and having a severe stroke  at a Washington state hospital on Monday.

His estranged wife, Jo Anna Karason, broke the news on Tuesday.

Karason — dubbed “Papa Smurf” — shot to fame in 2008 when he appeared on NBC’s “Today” show to talk about his condition, known asargyria.

He revealed his skin turned blue as a side effect of consuming a silver  compound for more than 10 years to treat a bad case of dermatitis on his  face.

To try and counteract the color change, he also claimed he had  self-medicated doses of colloidal silver, a suspension of silver in a liquid  base.

Silver, which has antibacterial properties, was used to fight infection  until the 1930s when penicillin was found to be more effective.

The FDA banned it being used in over-the-counter medicines in 1999 because  of its link to argyria, which resulted when the silver reacted with light collected in the skin.

His widow added that, as well as the skin condition, her husband also had a  history of other health problems.

A heavy smoker, his heart often troubled him and he underwent triple bypass surgery five years ago.

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First off the answer has to be yes. Let’s look past the fact that his SKIN WAS BLUE BECAUSE HE THOUGHT EATING SILVER WOULD HELP HIS SKIN DERMATITIS. He died of a heart attack, pneumonia and a severe stroke. Oh and he had triple bypass surgery five years ago. I guess that’s what happens when you smoke cigarettes and eat silver for a living. I can say with extreme confidence that I’m incredibly out of shape, but Paul makes me look like an Olympic athlete. Rest easy, Paul. Lay off the silver in heaven.

– Ryan

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