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Here’s Your Daily Reminder That Usain Bolt Is Very God Damn Fast

Usain Bolt participated in some kind of running world championships this week and of course he won. In all seriousness, whens the last time this guy lost? It’s not like he plays a sport where he can have an off day and get beat. He’s faster than everyone, which is the main quality you need when you’re just running in a semi circle. He even lets up a little bit at the end and still wins by a healthy margin. Maybe the Red Sox can sign him and make him an official base runner or something. Or have him commentate because ownership hates us (I’ll never be over you, Don).

-Ryan

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Meet Jonathan “Vader” Rice – He’s Insane…Completely Insane.

darthchallenge

Jonathan Banks must have grown up under power lines, either that or on the Death Star.  I’m hoping the latter.  Banks decided that he was going to run across Death Valley in a Darth Vader costume (ok, the Darth attire is a power move).  But don’t worry, it was only 129 degrees when he did it…..wait? what? Jonathan classifies himself as a “heat runner”. Now i’m no runner, nothing close, but i’m pretty sure this is a classification he made up himself.  That would be like me taking a bath with a toaster and calling myself an electrical swimmer. He has a death [Valley] wish and as shocking as the whole thing is he accomplished the feat in just shy of 7 minutes. I don’t know what the length of the run was, but at 129 degrees, I know i’m not lasting 45 seconds.  Even though I think he is insane for doing this, I have to applaud a man for doing what makes him happy.  May the force be with you, Jonathan Banks.

-MattyV

PS – This is his FOURTH time doing it. I bet if he goes for the unprecedented 5th time Denny’s will give him a free grandslam.

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