Blog Archives
Monster Blog Wednesday: Favorite Season Finale Moments
Game of Thrones season four is coming to an end this Sunday, so we decided to look back and find our favorite season finale moments from television’s past.
The Sopranos Season 2 Finale “Funhouse” – Big Pussy’s Death
Although we saw it coming, the death of Sal “Big Pussy” Bonpensiero was still heartbreaking and violent. It was a stark reminder that there are rules to be followed in Tony Soprano’s world, and if you break those rules, best friend or not, you’ll sleep with the fishes. While friendship isn’t exactly a major theme in the Soprano’s, Tony’s crew relied on each other to survive in the cutthroat world of organized crime. As you might expect, Big Pussy wasn’t the first or last cog to fall during the Soprano’s run, but his death was one of the most important in the series.
– Ryan
Breaking Bad Season 4 Finale “Face Off” – The Death of Gus and the Rise of Heisenberg.
In one of Heisenberg’s most devious plans he turns his once nemesis, Hector Salamanca, into his interment of death but taking down the fried chicken king with a bell, a pipe bomb, and the element of surprise. When I was watching this episode unfold I had no idea that Gus would go this way. I had a feeling his days were numbered as Walter became more and more like the devil incarnate, but I had no idea he would go like this. The ultimate “fuck you” move has to be settling the score by taking your lifetime enemy down with you. And of course, who comes out on top? Walter White.
-Matt
Wacky Wednesday – Squand
Ok, who remembers this stuff?!
“One of the best sand toys ever created”……Wait, how many sand toys could there have possibly been? I feel like there is sand and then there is Squand, that’s it.
-Matt
Monster Blog Wednesday – Hypothetical Countries
The great countries of the future won’t be Russia or Japan or the US. They’ll be the NEW countries created by future generations. With our genetics and the advancements in modern science, the Average Nobodies plan on living to at least 200-250 years old. That should give us plenty of time to develop a new country that will challenge any world superpower. Any powerhouse country needs a plan, fancy flag, motto, animal and food and beverage. That’s where we come in.
The Land of Ryan
Motto: To be the man, woooo, you have to beat, the man.
National Animal: Rhinoceros
National Food & Drink: Meatloaf and Arnold Palmer’s
The Land of Ryan is like The Land of Oz except it’s completely different. We’re stationed on planet Earth, right in between Italy and Denmark (my geography is rusty). The occupants of The Land of Ryan are a simple people, a noble people. Our cars operate on beer and our chief export is wrestling action figures. Rhinoceros roam free, which makes The Land of Ryan consistently dangerous, but on the bright side, we have a lot of meatloaf and Arnold Palmer’s. We’re not modern day Switzerland, but we try to get along with everyone, except of course, the creatures of Colonizar. They can go to hell.
– Ryan
Colonizar
Motto: To Infinity, and Beyond
National Animal: Chimpanzee
National Food & Drink: Tang and freeze-dried ice cream
Colonizar means “Colonize” in Spanish. You probably will recognize Colonizar on a U.S. map. It is a large southeastern peninsula located on the continental United States that was once filled with crazy people. Yes, Colonizar is located on the land that was once the sunshine state, Florida. After President Schwarzenegger awarded me the land (He owed me one) I immediately got to work on fulfilling our country motto. I establish Disney World as the capital and setup shop at the Vieira Space Center (Kennedy has no meaning in Colonizar). Chimpanzees were the first animal in space so naturally they are our countries national animal. Chimpanzees are so loved in Colonizar that they almost outnumber people 3 to 1 in the capital, which is fine, because they are more helpful, and smarter, than the workers we adopted.
We are a nomadic people that look to the stars as a way of expansion…and a way to get away from the leftover Floridians. We have two foreign policies: 1) We don’t deal in money. If we want something we trade for it. Wheeling and dealing is kind of our thing. And 2), Land of Ryan is filled with a bunch of jerk faces that will not be able to ride into space with us.
-Matt
Monster Blog Wednesday – Favorite Forms of Pre-electricicty Communication
This week’s Monster Blog focuses on forms of communication pre-dating electricity. Essentially, if you could go back in time what would be your preferred method of communication? How would you tell your bros to meet you down at the waterhole or to get ready for a hunt? Here is how The Average Nobodies would do it.
Giraffe
First off, I know what you’re thinking. “Matt, where the hell are you going to find a giraffe”. Let me just say…I know a guy. Sending message by giraffe is a triple threat of communication skills. 1. Height. Need to send a message to someone on the third floor? Done. 2. Speed. Not quite as fast as a cheetah, but with giant strides of its giant legs my message will be half way across town in 5 steps flat. And 3. Riding ability/style. If I ever need a ride anywhere i’d be traveling around in style. Might even mount it by sliding down its neck. Fred Flinstone style.
-Matt
Message in a Bottle
I hate birds, so that immediately disqualifies pigeons or hawks or ravens. The next best thing is naturally a message in a bottle. You ever see that Kevin Costner movie? That would be if I grew up before electricity. Just collecting bottles and letting the tides do the rest. Luckily I’m a patient man, so I have no problem waiting for that special someone to get my message of love. In the meantime, I develop a longevity potion that quadruples my life expectancy. In the year 2014, Clooney finally gets my message start in a modern adaptation of Romeo and Juliet. End scene.
– Ryan
Monster Blog Wednesday – Our Favorite Eras
Is there a place and time that you wish you could live during, other than right now? Yes? Well The Average Nobodies agree with you. While we are blessed to live among a time of online cat pictures, “Two Girls One Cup” , and slim jims, we dream of life in other times. So here we go, Ryan and I’s eras we would love to live during, Start up your DeLorean and ramp up to 88 mph, because we are going back in time!
Medieval Times
The medieval ages are built for a man of my skilled craftsmanship and hand-to-hand combat. I, a common farmer, am thrust into role as leader of the king’s guard after defending the King from a rogue soldier. So grateful, the King leaves me in his will as his heir to the throne. The following year the king comes down with a great sickness and dies in his bed. The following day I take over as king. I am a good king, a fair king… a handsome king. I am known across the land as Matt “The People’s King” Vieira, son of Thomas and elder brother of Sir Mitch of The White Smoke Mountains. I participate in, and win convincingly, many sword fighting and jousting tournaments to remind myself, and my people, that while I am fair, I am still a dangerous man. I live out my days drinking wine, laying with my 10 beautiful wives, and stuffing my face with exotic foods, until I die at the ripe old age (at that time) of 42. Upon my death a giant statue is erected in my likeness, and still stands in modern day New York. It was given to America as a gift from France…see where i’m going with this? Boom.
-MattyV
[As you can see, I am a natural king.]
The 1830’s
I’m not an era guy. I’m all about decades, and I would thrive in the 1830s. With my boyish charm and rapist wit, I’d be an icon to people across the globe. I’d start off as a blacksmith. No doubt in my mind. Just like my daddy and his daddy before him. The twist: I’m no ordinary blacksmith. I’ve been studying the newly developed railroad system that’s being created in the United States. I move to Baltimore, the city where the first US Railroad System opens. At first I blend in as just another blacksmith. I start hanging around the tracks. After a few months I know every conductors route, and more importantly, on which cars they keep the money. I become known as the blacksmith bandit. The authorities know everything about me, except what i look like. Once I store up a decent amount of money after years of flawless robberies, I use my new found clout to my advantage, especially in the world of politics. During the 1837 presidential campaign, I run on the same card as my mentor, Martin Van Buren. We use the picture above as our campaign poster. We win. A low level blacksmith is now the Vice President of the United States, an American fairytale that has sprung to life. The 1830s will forever be known as the Fogarty Years.
-Ryanfoges
