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The Rock is Gigantic – ‘Hercules’ Trailer 2

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Donald Sterling’s New ‘Horny’ Defense Story is the Worst Defense Story Ever

DummyThe latest defense from Donald Sterling: I’m not a racist, I’m just horny.

The Los Angeles Clippers owners, barred from life from the NBA over his racist remarks about African-Americans, says his mind was warped by lust during his now-infamous taped conversation.

“You know, if you were trying to have sex with a girl, and you don’t think anybody’s there, you might say anything in the world,” Sterling explained in a two-minute recorded conversation obtained by RadarOnline.com.

“You might say you have the biggest penis in the world,” the 80-year-old billionaire real estate mogul continued. “I would have said I could fly over high-rise buildings if I had to.”

Sterling said he was jealous of the younger black men who accompanied his 31-year-old girlfriend V. Stiviano to Clippers games

“What the hell, I’m talking to a girl,” Sterling said. “The girl’s black. I like her. I’m jealous that she’s with other black guys. I want her … Can I, in private, tell her I don’t want her to be with anybody?

“Am I person? Do I have any freedom of speech?”

Sterling specifically objected to Stiviano’s Instagram posting of a photo with Magic Johnson — and he complained that the Hall of Famer should be more sympathetic to his situation.

“I wish Magic Johnson was talking to a girl, and he’s trying to play with her,” Sterling said. “You might say anything.

Sterling ended the conversation by clumsily invoking a black woman who’s apparently an employee.

“I have a girl here who has black kids, and is partly black, I think,” he said. “I love the girl. And so she’s telling me ‘You’re wrong.’

Oh Really?

I have a serious question: is Donald Sterling mentally retarded? I’m not trying to make fun of him, I just want to know, because if he is I’ll stop writing posts about him. But if he isn’t, then he really needs to fire his publicist or hire a publicist because he has negative infinity common sense. So anytime Donald Sterling wants to have sex with a girl, he pulls the racist card. Just starts running down black people. Does that work? Personally if I want to have sex with a girl I break out the dance moves, then they run away, and I go home alone. Maybe I should start being a racist. I’m sure that really charms the pants off a girl. In a way I want this whole thing to just end but I also want to hear more reasoning from Donald. He’s pure racist gold.

– Ryan

 

The Rock Premiered The New “Hercules” Trailer on Twitter And It Looks Insane

So it’s basically The Rock in a loincloth fighting oversized animals, but I’ll probably give it a shot. I fancy myself a history buff, but I gotta say, I did not know Hercules fought so many animals. Lions, boars, sea snakes. You name it, Hercules has fought it apparently. I’m assuming he defeats all these animals and makes sweet love to that gorgeous woman in the trailer. Just another day in the life of a silverback gorilla.

– Ryan

Josh McCown, Welcome to the BAY!

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Ok, so he’s no Blaine Gabbert, but I think the Bucs got the second best free agent QB out there. Pair this hot handed QB with an underrated OT (Collins), a young talented corner (Verner), and 2 beasts on the d-line (McDonald and Johnson) you’ve got a recipe for success. Lovie Smith and Jason Licht are raping, plundering, and pillaging like pirates tend to do. They are taking no prisoners and spending that sweet cap space faster than you can say “fuck Greg Schiano”. Nobody is safe from these two. Not nobody. Not nohow. 31 teams in the NFL think they have a shot at free agency when reality is everyone wants a spot on the hottest team since my 2013 mens league softball team. Keep a lookout in your rearview mirror. Lovie is coming to town, and he’s out for blood.

-Matt

PS- Revis, Joseph, Penn: Thank you for your time (short and long) in Tampa. Too bad you had to get released the year before we win the Superbowl.

Is Ahmed Johnson the Craziest Looking Person in History?

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For those of you who don’t know, Ahmed Johnson was a professional wrestler for the WWE in the mid to late 90s. Also, Ahmed Johnson might be the most insane looking person in history. I know wrestling is fake, but I have a list of people I’d never want to get in a fight with and Ahmed Johnson is at the top of that list. He’s one of the few people I’ve seen that just seem naturally angry. He either plays his character remarkably well or he oozes hate. I’m going with the latter. Classic example of a man who I’d want on my side 7 days a week but is a total game changer when he’s against you. There’s crazy, and then there’s the pearl river plunging Ahmed Johnson.

– Ryan

The Rock’s Ex Wife/Business Manager is Frightening

Here’s a picture of Dany Garcia, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s ex-wife/business manager, during their marriage.

Pretty good looking lady. Not a knockout, but a solid 7 in my book. Here is Dany Garcia now

 

That photo is frightening. I don’t know why someone would undergo a transformation like this and I don’t care. Every inch of that photo gives me the sceevys. Does life honestly get any better for The Rock? He goes from being one of the best wrestlers of all-time to being a legit movie star, and apparently all those decisions pale in comparison to divorcing the woman beast known as Dany Garcia. I’ve wanted to be a wrestler my whole life, but if you made me choose between divorcing Dany and being a wrestler I’d divorce Dany every day of the week. I’m forever unclean for looking at this photo.

– Ryan

P.S. I thought it was a little weird that The Rock’s ex wife is now his business manager, and apparently she got re married to his strength and condition coach. Then I saw this picture. I’d let her do whatever she wants too.

What’s More Embarassing: Getting Pushed Off A Cliff Or Getting Trampled By An Elephant?

HELENA, Mont.  — They were newlyweds, but she was having second thoughts about the 8-day-old marriage, court documents say. The couple drove the short distance from their Kalispell home to Glacier National Park, where they got into an argument. He grabbed her by the arm, but she pulled away and shoved him face-first off a cliff to his death. Federal prosecutors have given their version of what happened to Cody Lee Johnson, 25, two months after his body was found in an area of the park so steep and rugged that a helicopter had to be used in the recovery. Jordan Linn Graham, 22, appeared Monday in federal court in Missoula on a second-degree murder charge in Johnson’s July 7 death. Her attorney, public defender Andrew Nelson, declined to comment. Johnson’s family and friends had called for an investigation since the body was recovered July 12 below the Loop Trail near the sheer cliff drops of the park’s popular Going to the Sun Road. Johnson loved her and was excited for their marriage after a two-year courtship, but his relatives suspected that Graham didn’t exactly reciprocate, family friend Tracey Maness said. She was aloof, didn’t want to spend time with his family, and clammed up when she did, Maness said. He told his mother that Graham would change when they got married, Maness said. “Nobody ever could have thought something like this could happen,” she said. On the night Johnson died, Graham told a friend that she meant to talk with Johnson about “having second thoughts about having been married,” according to an FBI affidavit filed with the criminal complaint.

Just before 9 p.m., she texted the friend that she was about to talk to him. “But dead serious if u don’t hear from me at all again tonight, something happened,” Graham wrote, according to the affidavit. Johnson was reported missing July 8 when he failed to show up for work, and Graham was questioned the following day. She originally told investigators that Johnson sent her a text message the night of his death, saying he was going for a drive with a friend from out of town. She said she arrived to see a dark-colored car pulling out of their driveway, and that Johnson was in it. On July 11, two days after that interview, Graham told a park ranger in Glacier that she had found the body below the popular Loop area, the affidavit said. The park ranger commented that it was unusual that she found it. “It was a place he wanted to see before he died,” she said, according to the affidavit. “He would come up here with friends to drive fast when his friends were visiting from out of town.” Five days later, Graham admitted to authorities in a second interview that she had lied, according to the affidavit. She told them she and Johnson had an argument, were upset and decided to go to the Loop Trail. They continued arguing on the trail, and it intensified. At one point, she turned to walk away, but Johnson grabbed her arm, she said. She turned around, removed his hand from her arm and “due to her anger, she pushed Johnson with both hands in the back, and as a result, he fell face first off the cliff,” the affidavit said. Maness described Johnson as a “big goofball” with a great sense of humor who was into cars, video games, four-wheeling and kayaking. He and Graham during their engagement would go to Glacier for some of the easy day hikes, most recently in May, she said. She said the family is relieved that the investigation is finally complete and charges brought after two months. “Two months probably isn’t very long for an FBI investigation, but when you’re waiting for answers, that’s a lifetime,” she said.

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As I was reading about what happened to Cody, I remebered an article about an old man who got trampled by and elephant  and it got me thinking: what would be the most embarrassing way to die? Not the worst way to die. That’s still being in an enclosed tank as it slowly fills up with water. Kind of like how Charlie died in Lost, except without the permanent marker or the heroin addiction. But what about the most embarassing way to die? Getting shoved off a cliff by your new bride is pretty embarassing, but so is getting trampled by an elephant playing bocce.

Unless you’re Stallone in Cliffhanger, you’re probably not going to survive a shove to the face off a cliff. I just don’t know if that’s the way I want to go out. Marry a girl one week, the next week she’s throwing you off a cliff. In her defense, who has an argument with a girl then takes her to a mountain top? Unless he was planning on throwing her off the cliff, but she saw it coming and pulled the ol’ switcharoo. Brutus move if I ever saw one.

Next we have the old French man who got trampled by an elephant. I understand the guy was in his 80s, but how do you not see or hear an elephant coming? It’s not like it can sneak up on you. I feel like if an elephant was charging towards I could casually step aside and it would keep running. This is what happens when you get emotionally invested in bocci. You get trampled by a runaway elephant named Tania.

These are both embarassing ways to die, but I gotta believe my friends would give me way more flack for getting run over by a elephant. The old French man trumps the cliff diver.

– Ryan

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