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Author Archives: ryanfoges

Brock Lesnar Will Defend His Universal Title At Great Balls Of Fire In July. Wait, What? #WWE

WWE officials after they see the reaction to the PPV name

Brock Lesnar won the Universal Title from Goldberg at WM 33 and unsurprisingly hasn’t defended the title since. The same thing happened between Summerslam and WrestleMania 31, so whenever Lesnar has a title the only thing to expect is that the title will not be on TV or pay per view’s very often. As great as it is to see that Lesnar will be back suplexing schmucks very soon, the big news here is the new name of WWE’s RAW branded July pay per view. If you’ve needed a reminder that a 70 year old billionaire runs the WWE, look no further than the Great Balls of Fire pay per view name. The name references a popular song recorded by Jerry Lee Lewis in 1964 and is also the same year Vince McMahon turned 19, which cannot be a coincidence. I’d bet you all the honey in the world that this is one of Vince’s favorite songs, and in that insane mind of his he thought July of 2017 was the perfect time to name a pay per view after it. It’s either that or he’s going to create a match where someone’s balls are actually lit on fire. It’s a toss up, really.

-Ryan

 

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The 49ers Picked Solomon Thomas & Reuben Foster In The First Round Of The #NFLDraft

Most mock drafts had the San Francisco 49ers taking Stanford defensive end Solomon Thomas at No. 2 overall in the 2017 NFL Draft. Those drafts were wrong, because the 49ers DIDN’T take Thomas … until No. 3 overall, a whole pick later after they traded down with the Chicago Bears.

That’s right, the 49ers took the player most expected, and they did it after earning an extra 2017 third-round pick, 2017 fourth-round pick and a 2018 third-round pick. But they weren’t done there, sneaking back into the first round at No. 31, where they grabbed linebacker Reuben Foster of Alabama. – Niners Nation

Epic Success!

Fans usually have two emotions following their teams fist round picks in the NFL Draft: elation or depression. It’s very rare to finish up round 1 and have a level headed opinion of the players your team just got, and that’s why I went with the elated GIF above. Solomon Thomas was the name most scouts and draft analyzers were throwing around for the #2 pick the 49ers were holding onto, but John Lynch and co. threw everyone a curveball at the last second. While they ended up selecting Thomas, they did so at #3 and orchestrated a trade with the Bears that netted them two later round picks this year and a third round pick in 2018. The Bears moved up a spot to grab Mitchell Trubisky and the 49ers took Thomas, but Unpredictable John wasn’t through yet.

Lynch made another trade, this time with division rival Seattle. The 49ers traded the Seahawks the #34 pick in the second plus the #111 pick in the fourth round to move up three spots to #31 in the first round. They selected Alabama LB Reuben Foster with that 31st pick, who could end up being the steal of the draft. While the 49ers still have some holes to fill on offense, I’d rather play with Hoyer/Barkley at QB and Garcon/Goodwin/Kerley/Robinson at WR than trot out a defense that made no upgrades from last year. I’m not expecting magic from a team that finished 2-14 last year, but it’s clear that Lynch and Shanahan have a vision for this team and are doing everything possible to get the right pieces in place. Plus, we left round 1 with one more pick than we had going into the night.

As far as the two picks the 49ers did make, here is how they’re described over on 49ers.com

Round 1: Pick 3 – Solomon Thomas DL, Stanford

Thomas, (6’3, 273) is regarded as one of the top pass-rushers in this year’s draft. This past year, Thomas was named first team All-Pac-12, third team All-American and won the Morris Trophy as the Pac-12 Defensive Player of the Year. Thomas started all 13 games totaling 62 total tackles, 14 for loss, and 8.5 sacks.

Round 1: Pick 31 – Reuben Foster, LB, Alabama

A unanimous first-team All-American and All-SEC pick. Foster, (6’0, 229) was named Butkis Award winner as the nation’s best linebacker. He was named MVP of the SEC Championship Game against Crimson and finished 2016 with 115 tackles, 13 for losses, and five sacks in 2016.

P.S.

Hey Goodell, talk much? You’re reading off a goddamn card. Foster shouldn’t give you that much trouble to say. And if you don’t think I’m starting up a fan club called The Cake Froster’s that dresses up as pastry chefs for every 49ers game then I guess you don’t know me at all.

-Ryan

The Doctah Weighs In: Science Says The Broken Heart Can Be Mended…By The Placebo Effect

Researchers at the University of Colorado Boulder found that simply believing you’re doing something positive to get over your ex can influence brain regions associated with emotional regulation and lessen the pain you’re feeling. In other words, remaining open to the possibility that what you’re doing could potentially make you feel better works like a placebo effect.The participants were asked to bring in two photos: one of their ex and one of a close friend. Inside a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, the heartbroken parties were shown images of their exes and asked to reflect on the breakup.

Then they saw the images of their friend (the control variable).They were also given a jolt of physical pain (a hot stimulus on their left forearm).As these stimuli were alternately repeated, the participants were asked how they felt on a scale of 1 (very bad) to 5 (very good). Meanwhile, the fMRI machine tracked activity in the brain. The machine showed similar areas of the brain lit up during both emotional pain (reminiscing and looking at the ex pic) and physical pain — suggesting that the heartache you feel after a breakup is very real and not just in your head. – Huff Post

Holy Shit!  First of all, now science has decided to inflict pain on humans to distinguish heartbreak.  Does anybody not find this alarming?  Let’s look quick:  electronic pain to determine how heartbroken you are?

Ok.  Now that we are over the woes of humanity.  They also found a solution:  Fake it until you make it.  Now, I may not technically be a doctor, but some say I may be a doctor of “LOVE”, so I could technically give you some unofficial breakup advice for men by a/the MAN.

You love your girlfriend, you buy her a gift, she breaks up with you.  Let’s keep the synopsis’s general and short.  Best way to handle this is, according to science, do not attempt to gain her back.

Instead, go to the mall, and tell every girl you see that you need to take a picture of them kissing your cheek to make your ex girlfriend jealous.  Two things will happen:  You will get a lot of kisses which will make you feel more loved which will slowly decrease the heartbreak (there are reasons why I am considered a Doctah, rather than a Doctor).  You will also post them on Facebook and Instagram, and this will bring more females into your life, as well as bring her back.

Whala!  Eureka!  No one gives break up advice for MEN, so I’m going to do it.

Stay Classy My Friends.

~The Doctah~

 

#SNL Has It’s Final Three Hosts & Musical Guests Lined Up To Finish Off Season 42

SNL

Photo: @nbcsnl

We’ve known that Chris Pine, Melissa McCarthy & Dwayne Johnson are hosting the final three SNL’s of season 24 for awhile now, but the musical guests have been a mystery. Consider that mystery solved as SNL announced that LCD Soundsystem, Haim & Katy Perry will close out the season as musical guests. SNL has been on a weird schedule this year thanks to the top heavy fall lineup that coincided with the most insane Presidential election in history, so I’m glad they’re going out with three straight shows to open May. While the writer’s strike is still looming, I have faith that SNL will finish strong.

-Ryan

The Doctah Is Playing The World’s Smallest Violin For Johnny Depp’s Financial Woes #Disneyland

Johnny Depp’s ex-managers, in a lawsuit, allege that the actor’s extravagant spending led to his losing millions of dollars. Depp disagrees.

“Why didn’t they drop me as a client if I was so out of control?” Depp told the Wall Street Journal. “I’ve worked very, very hard for a lot of years and trusted a lot of people, some who’ve clearly let me down.”

Depp sued The Management Group in January, claiming that after he fired them, his new business manager discovered misconduct in the form of TMG collecting fees he never agreed to, failing to file Depp’s taxes on time and loaning out his money without authorization. Depp believes TMG led him to be more than $40 million in debt.

In a countersuit, his ex-managers Joel and Robert Mandel said their company did what they could with Depp’s finances, but it was the actor’s expensive lifestyle that was his downfall. – Yahoo

Johnny Depp talking to his financial managers

Pirates.  Blow.  Gilbert Grape.  All epic.

Apparently, for Johnny, it hasn’t been enough.  Depp has fired his management company, and after investigations, has found that this management company is the reason he’s $40 million in debt.  He has also set a lawsuit against them.

Depp’s ex-group, the shadily named The Management Group (shady right?) has blamed Depp’s expensive lifestyle for his downfall. Depp spent 2 million per month which he could not afford. Depp has bought yachts, and luxury wine, and has 14 residences.  

So let’s just stop right here.  This is a story of pure greed and mismanagement.  Johnny, I love you – idolized you in Blow.  But Johnny, how do you mismanage 40 million?  Better yet, how do you let someone else mismanage your money and pay them for it?

And on top of that, how do you trust a company called The Management Group?  I’d rather trust Neuralink and they are fucking with brains.

14 residences? Johnny, liquidation always works.

And how do you only make 40 million from all those Blockbusters?  Johnny, if you need a new negotiator, friend, financial manager, Buddha, and/or a lawyer, I’m here for you.  I won’t use big words, BUT I guarantee I won’t lose $40 million of your money.

Pure stupidity people.  Be smart with your $30,000 annual salary – even celebs are broke.

~The Doctah~

Can You Believe It? A Vince McMahon Biopic Is Officially In The Works #WWE

Lordy mercy, Vince McMahon is getting the story of his life told on the big screen. It was announced today that TriStar Pictures will be backing a biopic about the flamboyant WWE Chairman Of The Board and CEO. Pandemonium, which will be the title of the film written by Craig A. Williams, was first shopped around Hollywood last summer, but studios hesitated to pick the project up. Now, however, TriStar Pictures is giving the biopic the green light.

The studio is in negotiations for the film, with Glenn Ficarra and John Requa, who direct and executive produce the hit television drama This Is Us, on board to direct the project. The biopic will be produced by screenwriter Williams, Andrew Lazar of American Sniper, Michael Luisi who is the president of WWE Studios, and Adam Goldworm of Aperture Entertainment. Charlie Gogolak of Zaftig Films will executive produce. – Top Rope Press

biDFHU0

Raise your hand if you expected a biopic on WWE Chairman Vince McMahon to be directed by the minds behind This Is Us. I’m just going to assume that no hands were raised. The word unexpected has become synonymous with Vince and the WWE for the last 30+ years, so I guess we shouldn’t be surprised this is happening. McMahon has lived quite the life, and it’ll be interesting to see how factual this movie ends up being. The world of sports entertainment has always blurred fantasy and reality, so I’d expect the movie to follow that same path. If I’m the casting director, I’m hiring the first actor that can mimic Vince’s famous walk and go from there.

-Ryan

Gregg Popovich & Restaurant Servers Continue To Be A Match Made In Heaven

Gregg Popovich Tip

Photo: @Rubethedude

Papa Greggy P, or Mr. Popovich to you, decided that today would be the day to buy a young man a nice pony.  Mr. Popovich, not being the pony-buying type of man, decided that with his mysteriousness, he’d leave a little bit of love to a helpful waiter in an expensive restaurant, McEwens Memphis. Ok, so maybe it wasn’t just a “little bit of love”. Popovich tasted some fine wine, got a little tipsy, thought his waiter was the man, and left him a whopping $5,000 tip for a pony. Well maybe it wasn’t for a pony – but the dream was there. Anyways, Popovich, known to be a man of few words, and a force to be reckoned with in the NBA, made one of the classiest of moves. Who would of thought he was such a empathetic bro?  Or maybe he’s not; maybe he’s just the HIGHEST PAID COACH in the NBA at 55 million denaros. Actually dollars, not denaros.

This was a classy move, Pop. Classy.

H/T Yahoo & @Rubethedude

– The Doctah

 

Emmet Farnan Isn’t The Hero We Deserve, But He’s The Hero We Need

As if jumping into a half marathon on a whim wasn’t a questionable enough decision already, Emmet Farnan, a senior engineering student at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana, found a way to make things even more difficult for himself: He decided to drink a beer at each mile marker.

A former high-school cross-country and track athlete, Farnan completed his feat at the Holy Half Marathon on April 1. He finished a Coors Light before starting the race, and then downed another at each mile marker. (He arranged for a friend with a backpack full of reserves to accompany him on a bike.) Still, he completed the race in 1:43:42, running just under eight-minute mile splits, and captured the whole thing using a GoPro. – Fox News

The only aspect of this entire situation I disagree with is going with Coors Light for your drink of choice. I’m a Busch Light/Bud Light guy, so I can’t really condone going with Coors Light, although I’ll give Emmet a pass because he’s obviously superhuman. Running 13. 1 miles sounds terrifying enough, but I can’t think of anything I’d rather do 13 beers deep than run a half marathon. One time after going out to the bar I attempted to race my friend up a hill that was no longer than a couple hundred feet and I fell down face first. Multiply that couple hundred feet by infinity and I’d be passed out in some poor guys’ front yard. I salute you, Emmet Farnan, and if you’re ever in sunny Rhode Island I’ll have an ice cold Coors Light ready with your name on it.

-Ryan

 

Music Monday: The Head and the Heart – Rhythm & Blues

The Head and the Heart are quickly turning into one of my favorite bands, and their newest release to gain some radio exposure is Rhythm & Blues. I love the sound of this band, and while this is a little more upbeat than my favorite song by them (Rivers & Roads) it’s still jammable (suck it, Oxford Dictionary).

-Ryan