Author Archives: ryanfoges
Around the holidays, there’s nothing that brings people together quite like talking politics. On Wednesday night, the House of Representatives voted to impeach President Donald Trump. Because we’re all living in hell, everyone with a Facebook or Twitter account decided to post what their interpretation of that meant. The media gladly played along with headlines such as this:
While that’s technically true, there’s so much more to it than just saying he’s been impeached and moving on to the next cute dog video. Most people seem to think this infographic has been helpful:
That might be helpful for some people, but here’s what everyone is really thinking:
I’d be happy to. Since ‘President Trump’ tends to be a divisive term, I’ve replaced it with ‘Daddy’ moving forward.
What You Need To Know
Back in July, Daddy was on a call with the President of Ukraine discussing promised military aid. During the call, Daddy asked the President if he could announce an investigation into Joe Biden and his son Hunter, labeling it as a ‘favor’. The former just so happens to be one of the main Democratic candidates for President next year. Why would Daddy ask this?
If that call and request for an investigation into a political opponent were kept secret, we wouldn’t be having this discussion. Unfortunately for Daddy, there was a whistle blower who reacted to the call like:
Once the details of the call were whistle blown (?), Democrats and Republicans had different reactions. The Democrats, who have long been looking for a way to take down Daddy, were elated:
The Republicans, who hitched their wagon to Daddy, were not as happy:
Once impeachment talks started to heat up, Daddy went straight to Twitter to set the record straight. In other words:
To make things worse for Daddy, he allegedly tried to obstruct the ongoing investigation into the Ukraine call. I have to imagine staff and allies tried to persuade him to keep quiet, to which he responded:
Armed with two articles of impeachment, the Democrats were ready to bring the case to the House of Representatives. A debate regarding the legality of the articles would ensue with each side stating their points:
Nancy Pelosi made her argument. The Republicans reacted accordingly:
The Republicans made their argument, including an interesting comparison of the proceedings to Jesus’s treason trial and the reasonableness of Pontius Pilate. Only question remained:
After all the debating, the House voted to impeach Daddy and move the trial to the Senate. But wait, there’s more! The Democrats may hold off on bringing the articles to the Senate citing the Senate Majority Leader’s statement that he would coordinate the trial with the White House counsel. The Democrats had only one response:
Daddy, on the other hand, was very happy about McConnell’s statement:
The saga continues. While this entire process has us feeling like this:
I know we’ll all be happy when we can finally say:
It’s almost September, which means two things: the NFL season is right on our heels and college football is even closer. As a graduate of URI, college football is a foreign language to me. For reference, during my Junior year the Rams won their opening game and then proceeded to lose their final 10 games. They opened my senior year by losing their first two games and finished that two year stretch with an superb record of 6-16. That incredibly sad story brings me to the University of South Carolina Gamecocks.
I’m an adopted fan of the Gamecocks thanks to my wife’s undying allegiance to her Alma Mater, so let’s take a look at their 2019 season.
In the latest Coaches/AP polls, the SEC has an impressive 6 teams in the top 25, including four (Alabama, Georgia, LSU, Florida) in the top 10. The Gamecocks have a very tough schedule as they will play against four of those 6 teams (at Georgia and Texas A&M, at home against Alabama and Florida) while also battling the current #1 Team That Shall Not Be Named to finish off the season.
If the Gamecocks lose all five of those games to their ranked opponents, they would finish 7-5 in the regular season for the second straight year. The 2018 Gamecocks were detrimentally consistent, trading wins and losses for the first six weeks before beating Tennessee and Ole Miss in consecutive games. They went on to trade wins and losses the rest of the way, ending the season with a 28-0 loss to Virginia in the prestigious Belk Bowl.
One huge advantage for the Gamecocks this year is that I will not be attending a home game. The Cock’s are 0-3 when I attend a game and it’s gotten to the point where my friends are starting to rethink inviting me down to a game ever again. Beyond that, the key to the Gamecocks offense will be a consistent rushing attack and far fewer turnovers for QB Jake Bentley.
In the Belk Bowl loss to Virginia, the Gamecocks rushed for less than 50 yards while Bentley completed 43% of his passes, threw zero touchdowns and 2 interceptions. That’s…not great. Bentley will be back for his senior year where you have to believe he’ll improve upon his SEC leading 14 interceptions from last year. A big part of that improvement will take place off the field, as Bentley explained a few days ago.
Another improvement on the offensive side could come from right down the road in South Carolina. Tavien Feaster transferred to the Gamecocks from the The Team That Shall Be Named and has added some much needed depth to the running back position alongside Rico Dowdle and Mon Denson. While it’s too early to predict who will be the lead back, adding Feaster should ensure that another Belk Bowl performance doesn’t happen, which should at least keep the Gamecocks in most games this year.
Regardless of how well Bentley and the offense do, the defense will need to make some stops to keep the Gamecocks afloat. Most preseason reports are glowing for the front four of the Gamecocks, and they’ll need to put a lot of pressure on opposing QB’s to help out their secondary. The Gamecocks forced 6 interceptions last year, but half of those were by cornerback Rashad Fenton who graduated last spring. Turnovers and constant pressure will be the key for Will Muschamp’s defense, especially against the top seeded teams. If the defense can force teams into turnovers, Bentley and the improved rushing attack might give the Gamecocks a season to remember.
Everyone loves their team in August, but how will they look in December and January? The “cautiosly optimistic” Gamecock prediction I received from handsome Gamecock fan Tom Coughlin was 9-3. If you don’t believe in your team, who will? If the Cock’s go 9-3, they would have to upset two of their five ranked opponents (Alabama, Georgia, A&M, Florida and The Team That Shall Not Be Named) and beat Kentucky for the first time since 2013. Can it happen? I hope so. Will it happen? Time will tell.
My prediction with this ridiculously tough schedule is the Gamecocks win all the games they’re supposed to, finally vanquish Kentucky but fall to all the ranked teams. Not a bold prediction, but a 7-5 season where your five loses are all to ranked teams (including the preseason 1-3) would be a huge win for South Carolina.
WWE live events are always a lot of fun because the performers don’t have the pressure or constraints of live TV and can just enjoy themselves. If you don’t want to take my word for it, watch Elias and Finn Balor having a ball covering ‘Shallow” from a live event this weekend.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with pro wrestling, Finn Balor is the man in the red underpants made almost entirely of ab muscles. Elias is the homeless looking man with a giant scarf who is surprisingly great at music. Don’t ever change, WWE.
By now I’m sure you’ve heard the news about Robert Kraft. The Patriots owner was caught on tape at a Florida spa engaging in “sexual acts”, which is grown up speak for hand and mouth stuff. The opinions on this have ranged from “who cares” to “blind outrage” with some in the middle probably only upset because Kraft owns the Patriots and everybody needs a reason to hate the Pats.
I’m not here to be the moral authority on this subject. I personally could care less, but it’s definitely not a good look for Kraft’s public image. That’s the bad side. The good side? I’ll have Dave from King Savage media explain.
So I received a cool tip today about Robert “Bob” Kraft, the owner of the New England Patriots. Or as he shall henceforth be know: the guy who was arrested for prostitution.
As you may or may not know, prostitution is legal in the Dominican Republic. With that knowledge, I pulled a few strings and called my friend Marco over at DR Nights, a sex resort in the Dominican Republic, and made him aware that Bob Kraft was arrested for prostitution.
DR Nights would like to offer Robert Kraft a complimentary night at it’s world famous sex resort.
“There is no reason to get arrested for solicitation of prostitution, Mr. Kraft,” said Marco, a representative of DR Nights. “Here, in the Dominican Republic, prostitution is legal, and part of the tourism economy. We would like to offer Mr Kraft a complimentary night to show him all of what our luxurious resort has to offer.”
DR Nights will include multiple companions and a luxurious setting for Mr. Kraft to sample, free of any possible arrests.
“We would never like to see something embarrassing like this happen again to Mr. Kraft,” Marco continued. “Don’t get arrested in your home country; come visit DR Nights in the Dominican Republic, and stay in our resort, not a jail cell. We have real-life sisters, I’d choose that over jail everyday.”
Well there you have it folks, DR Nights is officially the best place on earth for sex if sisters is your thing.
Marco told me to tell Bob Kraft to call him and he would take it from there. So I’m telling the Internet to make it happen so Bob Kraft calls Marco, the charges get dropped, Bob gets a polite rendezvous with sisters, the PATRIOTS WIN THEIR 7th SUPERBOWL, and hell doesn’t freeze over.
Kraft, or any member of his team, is welcome to contact DR Nights, at https://www.drnights.com/2841.html .
DR Nights said anyone is welcome to enjoy the packages as well: https://www.drnights.com/2841.html.
Airfare is not included.
Hands down my favorite part of that press release is the “airfare is not included” part, as if that is the biggest worry when you’re contemplating going to a Dominican sex resort.
Robert Kraft may soon be a convict, but thanks to Doctah Dave and DR Nights, he may also be a international sex hero.
Gillette released a new commercial yesterday playing off their popular slogan “The Best a Man Can Get”. The commercial, titled “The Best Men Can Be”, talked about men’s roles in today’s culture, specifically the Me Too Movement, cyber/real life bullying and how we raise our children.
If you haven’t watched it yet, take two minutes out of your day and watch it. It’s very good, and very poignant. Because social media can be a cesspool sometimes, there are men online VERY upset with Gillette. It’s not surprising, because some people are garbage, but chances are if you’re upset that a razor commercial is telling you not to sexually harass women and to raise your young boys to treat others with dignity and respect, you’re the target audience here. Imagine getting upset because you’re being asked to treat everyone: men, women, children, with respect?
If you’re wondering about the intelligence level of the people upset with this commercial, here’s a sample:
Nothing says anarchy like a $1,000 plumbing bill.
Anthony Bourdain was found dead today while filming his ‘Parts Unknown’ series in Paris. He was 61. It’s shocking in the sense that all suicides are shocking, and mental health doesn’t usually announce itself to the world before it takes a life. Bourdain had his demons and was a mental health activist, but this is still a very sad day. About an hour before Bourdain’s death was announced, I was watching the trailer for the new Robin Williams documentary. Williams was two years older than Bourdain when he took his own life, but both men brought a lot of joy and understanding to people while struggling with their own happiness.
I started watching No Reservations around 2011. I had graduated college the year before and was in that bittersweet stage where I thought i had the world by the balls but then life slapped the shit out of me and taught me I didn’t know a thing. It was hard not to gravitate towards Bourdain. He was well spoken, confident and fearless. Above all, he was empathetic. He was empathetic towards people’s cultures, whether it was how they lived or what they ate. He taught his viewers, including me, to experience the world as fully as possible. You never felt like you were watching Anthony Bourdain the actor, or Anthony Bourdain the TV host. He was being himself, and it just so happened a TV camera was there. He was real, genuine, flawed and fucked up. But he cared about people, and he cared about helping those who either couldn’t help themselves or were given little chance to do so.
I watch No Reservations or Parts Unknown before any trip I take, because I feel that Bourdain gives the most authentic representation of whichever culture I’m about to explore. I’m going to South Africa in August, and I can’t wait to sit down with an ice cold beer and watch the master at work. RIP.
Well wrestling fans, the time is finally here. WrestleMania week is always the most exciting week of the year for wrestling fans. WWE’s mega event takes place Sunday night, but promotions from around the world will also take advantage of the influx of fans. If you’re in New Orleans this week, chances are you’ll stumble across some type of wrestling event. Thousands of fans will descend upon the Big Easy for what should be one hell of a week.
On paper, WrestleMania 34 is one of the best cards of the modern era.
John Cena vs. The Undertaker
WrestleMania Pre-Show Matches
WWE Cruiserweight Title Tournament Finals
Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali
Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Women’s Battle Royal
WWE Universal Title Match
Brock Lesnar (C) vs. Roman Reigns
WWE Title Match
AJ Styles (C) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
WWE Intercontinental Title Match
Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor vs. The Miz
WWE United States Title Match
Rusev vs. Bobby Roode vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton
RAW Women’s Title Match
Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss
SmackDown Women’s Title Match
Asuka vs. Charlotte Flair
RAW Tag Team Title Match
Cesaro and Sheamus (C) vs. Braun Strowman and ??
SmackDown Tag Team Title Match
The New Day vs. The Bludgeon Brothers vs. The Usos
Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle vs. Triple H and Stephanie McMahon
Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn
That is one hell of a card. The best part is that there’s something for everyone. On the pre-show there’s going to be insane, high flying action with the cruiserweights. Battle royals are always a lot of fun, and will be a good showcase for men and women who wouldn’t have otherwise been on the card. The main card features the return of Daniel Bryan, the debut of Ronda Rousey, AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura for a major WWE title; John Cena vs. The Undertaker could happen, plus Braun Strowman has to find a partner if he wants a chance at tag team gold. Even the match I’m not super excited about (US title fatal 4 way) has a chance to be good, especially if the crowd is behind Rusev.
To sum it up, WrestleMania will be two things: very long and very good. Here are five matches that have the most potential to steal the show, as well predictions for each match.
5. Cruiserweight Title Tournament Finals: Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali
After WWE put on the fantastic Cruiserweight Classic, hopes were high for 205 Live. The product didn’t translate well, and it looked especially doomed when Enzo Amore became champion. Instead of focusing on the rare athleticism that the cruiserweights offered, 205 Live tried to make it storyline driven. It didn’t work, so Vince McMahon put HHH in charge to try and freshen things up. The results have been wonderful, and the Cruiserweight Title Tournament brought the product back to the greatness of the Cruiserweight Classic. While it would be great to have the finals on the main card, Mustafa Ali vs. Cedric Alexander is going to be bonkers no matter where it’s placed.
Alexander and Ali both thrive when they’re able to focus on their athletic talent, and that’s exactly what the title tournament has allowed them to do. Each of their three matches in the tournament have been exciting, and with the final match culminating at WrestleMania, these two should be going all out. From an athletic standpoint, there’s no reason this match shouldn’t be the match of the night. The one benefit of being on the two pre-show is that these two should get plenty of time. Fingers crossed for a returning Neville to show up post match and tear both of them apart.
Prediction: Mustafa Ali
Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle vs. HHH & Stephanie McMahon
People love to hate, but they don’t love to love. That’s the easiest way to sum up Ronda Rousey’s first 2+ months in the WWE. She has the potential to be a huge signing for WWE, and brings a legitimacy that few other performers have. I’m hopeful that the majority of the WWE Universe will give Rousey a shot, and a lot of that will have to do with her performance Sunday night. She’s been put in a great position: teaming with a fan favorite Olympic gold medalist against two long time, hated authority figures. If WWE keeps the storytelling simple and lets Kurt Angle do most of the leg work, this match could be epic.
Regardless of how the match plays out, there is only one clear outcome: Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle victorious.
IC Title Match: The Miz (C) vs. Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor
There are multiple matches on the Mania card that have a chance to be excellent in ring bouts. Near the top of that list is the triple threat for the IC title. Rollins and Balor are two of, if not the two best in ring performers on Raw. They had a hell of a match on Monday, and I can only see it getting better when you add in Miz. The Miz is enjoying easily the best run of his career, and while his in ring work can’t match up with Rollins/Balor, his character work is fantastic.
While guys on Miz’s level don’t always need a championship, Miz having the belt makes all his talking points click. His character would seem hollow with the strap not on his shoulder, which is what makes this match so hard to predict. WWE loves moments, especially at WrestleMania, and if there’s one guy in need of a big moment, it’s Finn Balor. Miz and Rollins have had their moments, but Balor has been stuck in a rut since relinquishing the Universal title one night after winning it.
I’m going with Balor to win and carry on the workhorse legacy the IC title deserves.
Smackdown Women’s Title Match: Charlotte Flair (C) vs. Asuka
While Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax has the emotional weight behind it, Charlotte vs. Asuka is the biggest dream match in the women’s division. Asuka has never been defeated in NXT/WWE, dating back to October 2015. Charlotte has been the standard bearer for the Women’s Revolution. Sasha/Bayley might have had better matches and more personal stories, but Charlotte has always been portrayed as the alpha. She won the old Divas championship. She won the Raw women’s title four times and will be the reigning, defending Smackdown women’s champion heading into this year’s Mania.
Asuka will easily be Charlotte’s toughest challenge, and you also have the added intrigue of Asuka’s incredible winning streak. I’m a fan of keeping Asuka undefeated forever, but how do you have her win the Smackdown title while still on Raw? Both women’s divisions are paper thin, and I don’t think having Asuka switch to Smackdown is the right call. If there’s any current main roster star that should defeat Asuka, it’s Charlotte. I have very little confidence in this prediction, but I’m going with Charlotte to retain.
WWE Title Match: AJ Styles (C) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura were the main event of Wrestle Kingdom 10 in ’06. While they probably won’t be the main event of WrestleMania 34, they’re my pick to have the match of the night. Styles has been the best wrestler in WWE for awhile now, and Nakamura is a guy who rises to the skill level of his opponent. I’m so glad WWE kept this match one on one, as Styles and Nakamura deserve this spotlight. There has been speculation that Styles is injured, but it doesn’t seem serious enough to limit the match. With the WWE Network replacing the old pay per view format, match times are no longer an issue. That’s great news for these two, as they should have enough time to tell a great story and put on the match of the night.
Similar to Finn Balor, Nakamura hasn’t had his big moment on the main roster yet. Winning the Royal Rumble was huge, but a WrestleMania moment is on a totally different level. Styles has carried the torch valiantly, but I think this is Nakamura’s time. I’m picking Shinsuke to become the new WWE champion.
Predictions for the rest of the card
Becky Lynch wins the
Fabolous Moolah oh please god no Women’s Battle Royal
Samoa Joe returns and wins the Andre the Giant Battle Royal and kicks ass for the rest of 2018
Roman Reigns defeats Brock Lesnar for the Universal title. Some people might get mad, but this is the logical ending for this story. Hopefully Lesnar goes to UFC and we can get the champ on Raw full time.
Rusev wins the US title fatal four way. This one is a no brainer for me. Rusev is one of the most popular guys on the roster, even though he’s used idiotically. RUSEV DAY is one of those simple, classic catchphrases that the crowd loves, and Rusev is a skilled and charismatic performer. You can’t have Rusev lose on RUSEV DAY.
Nia Jax defeats Alexa Bliss for the Raw women’s title. Bliss has been great in her role, but she needs to get rag dolled here. Nia should win in dominant fashion.
Braun Strowman and his mystery partner defeat The Bar for the Raw tag titles. I have no clue who Strowman’s partner is, but I’m excited to find out. If I had to guess, I would pick Elias or a reincarnated Bray Wyatt. A mystery team won the tag titles last year (Hardy’s) and I think it happens again this year. The Raw tag division is not in good shape, and at the very least Braun Strowman and his mysterious friend can make it more exciting.
The Usos retain over Bludgeon Brothers and New Day. I love The Usos and never want them to lose, hence my pick.
Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn defeat Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan. Firstly, how great is it that Daniel Bryan is back wrestling in a wrestling ring? I’m so happy for him. Secondly, never trust a McMahon. I hope the story they tell is that Shane, Kevin and Sami have been in cahoots this whole time. They went through all this trouble to get Daniel Bryan back into the ring so they could take him out 3 on 1. I can’t think of a better way to get crowds to turn on Zayn and Owens than to have them ruin Daniel Bryan’s WrestleMania comeback.
John Cena has been on Raw for the past month calling out The Undertaker. Taker has been killing Cena with silence and has yet to accept Cena’s WrestleMania challenge. Will The Deadman show up in New Orleans? Will the two titans of WWE have an actual match? Your guess is as good as mine. What I do know is that this segment will get a ton of time, most of which will be a John Cena promo. WrestleMania has become a spectacle on it’s own, so it wasn’t necessary for The Undertaker to show up on Raw and officially accept Cena’s challenge. Fans are going to tune in regardless, but this has still be an odd storyline.
I picked Samoa Joe to win the Andre the Giant Battle Royal, but I don’t think his night ends there. I think Joe either comes out instead of Taker, or comes out after Taker appears and takes both guys out. Samoa Joe is the real deal, and although he’s been hurt, giving him a big WrestleMania moment with John Cena and The Undertaker would be awesome.
I’m a firm believer that cover songs should have an original spin to them. It’s tough to get better than the original, but if you can create your own version it’s almost always better than a straight up remake. In the spirit of that thought, I present to you the uber talented Anderson East. I dare you not to fall in love with his cover of Mariah Carey’s Always Be My Baby. I dare you!
Anderson East – Always Be My Baby
At first I thought the jazz infused opening was going to my favorite part, but then Anderson East starts singing. His raspy voice is the exact opposite of Carey’s angelic pipes, but he makes it work. This is a live, raw cover that I will listen to at least 45 times today. Have a great day on purpose everybody.