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Insane Social Media Comments Are Back! Emma Stone Doesn’t Deserve That Oscar

One of our favorite pastimes here at the Average Nobodies is jet setting across the social media world with the hopes of finding some insane comments. Turns out, they’re not that hard to find, because the majority of people that comment on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram are indeed very deranged. Some of our finer work can be found here, here and here, but if you search ‘insane Instagram comments’ anywhere on our blog, prepare to go down the rabbit hole of insanity. While we’ve been on a hiatus, I think it’s time to get insane again.

Many of you know that Emma Stone won the Best Actress Oscar Sunday night, and while we can argue until the Himalayan Tree Frogs come home about whether or not her performance deserved the award, most of us can agree that Emma Stone is lovely. She’s only 28, but she’s already got a solid 10 years of films under her belt and an Oscar. A lot of people were really happy for Emma Stone, but one of those happy people was not Linda Williams

I’ll say this, Linda enjoys saying the word trash. She starts it off with ‘trash’ in all capital letters.  Someone must have taken some creative writing classes in college, because you know exactly how she’s feeling in the opening word. After that, things get a little dicey. I don’t know if she thinks the name of the movie is Fantasy Land or if that’s another word one of her go to words. It’s probably a little bit of both. A quick IMDB search comes up with three results for Fantasy Land, but the last one came out in 2010 and documented a fantasy baseball player who got a chance to play in an expert league. Slightly different plot than La La Land. Linda then starts getting a little repetitive with the word ‘trash’, admitting that none of her friends watch this trash anymore. Is she talking about movies, or award shows, or maybe even actual trash? I honestly don’t know. One thing we do know is that her friends like to go out to dinner and celebrate themselves. Congratulations?

Linda Williams, thanks for bringing us back to bizarro world.

-Ryan

H/T Crazy Mama JuJu

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Trailer Alert – Alien: Covenant

Brace yourself.

WOAH. I thought I was pumped after seeing the first teaser, but then I saw the prologue and thought, “ok, now i’m hyped”. BUT THIS? After seeing this I feel like I could dive out of an airplane with no parachute and survive. I feel like I could run clean through a cement wall. Beat the shit out of a bear and its cubs. stop a moving car with my mind….ok, you get the picture, i’m LIT off this trailer. It basically confirms everything I said in the last blog, and on the Make Movies Great Again podcast, but added the “shit hitting the fan factor” that we have all been waiting for.

And, what? Wait a second? How did that wheat get there? Hmm, that Alien ship sure looks familiar. How did it get there? …

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DR. SHAW IS BACK. But where is David’s head?

-Matt

 

YouTube TV is a game changer and the cables companies are F&@*&%

Hear about YouTube TV? No? If not, let Philly D fill you in…

Pretty fucking awesome. For $35 a month, and that’s for SIX users, you get a shit load of TV channels, unlimited cloud DVR and access to YouTube Red content. I can’t even lease a decent sized DVR box from Verizon for $35! Here’s the list of channels you get (Plus the two premium options, Starz and Soccer, at the bottom):

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Sure, it doesn’t have EVERYTHING, but as long as I can watch RAW, Always Sunny, and Modern Family, i’m good. This is rumored to launch within the coming months, so get to work on canceling your cable service.

-Matt

Trailer Alert: Five Came Back

There are few things I love more than documentaries (Parmesan goldfish, the sense of sight) which is why the trailer for Five Came Back, a docu-series about famous filmmakers who served in World War II, is right up my alley. The series follows five filmmakers: John Ford, William Wyler, John Huston, Frank Capra, and George Stevens, all of whom served in World War II and brought back with them stories to inform and inspire the American people.

Tracing the ways patriotism and industry existed side by side, and the role Hollywood played in mobilizing and shaping the consciousness of a divided America, Bouzereau and his team gathered over 100 hours of archival and newsreel footage; watched over 40 documentaries and training films directed and produced by the five directors during the war; and studied 50 studio films and over 30 hours of outtakes and raw footage from their war films. – comingsoon.net
The five brave filmmakers and their work are brought back to life through the voices of five modern filmmakers: Steven Spielberg, Francis Ford Coppola, Paul Greengrass, Guillermo Del Toro and Lawrence Kasdan. The series was produced by Spielberg and based on the best selling novel Five Came Back: A Story of Hollywood and the Second World War by Mark Harris. If there’s one guy I trust when it comes to World War II and Hollywood history, it’s Spielberg, and this series looks like it was incredibly well done. The series premieres March 31st exclusively on Netflix.
-Ryan

Stacker Pentecost wanted to retire on a beach in the Caribbean and become a jazz musician

Trailers of the week, the fastest 30 seconds in movie news, ‘Alien: Covenant’ prologue breakdown, Pacific Rim character bios and a ‘Get Out’ review that is FULL of spoilers. You’ve been warned. Call 401-285-8120 to leave us a voicemail.

Don’t forget, head over to iTunes and subscribe to our podcast. (and while you’re there leave a review!) Without our fans these podcasts would just be us, talking to ourselves. Which we would still probably do, but it’s better with people listening. Thank you!

-Matt

PS – We are on Twitter now! twitter.com/MakeMoviesGreat

Ep 4 – We Are Cancelling the Apocalypse

Trailers of the week, the fastest 30 seconds in movie news, ‘Alien: Covenant’ prologue breakdown, Pacific Rim character bios and a ‘Get Out’ review that is FULL of spoilers. You’ve been warned. Call 401-285-8120 to leave us a voicemail.

Bill Paxton (1955-2017)

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Hollywood lost a great actor on Saturday as Bill Paxton died of complications from surgery. It put a damper on the Oscars as friends, family and colleagues took to social media to pay their respects and share stories of Paxton. His filmography is impressive, and he was solid in every single role. Weird Science, Aliens, Tombstone, True Lies, Apollo 13, the Bill who didn’t play the President in Independence Day, Twister, Titanic plus his TV roles in Big Love and Hatfields & McCoys. Bill Paxton was like comfort food; when he popped up in a movie, you knew it was going to be good and you knew you were going to enjoy it.

On a personal note, because when a famous person passes away you selfishly look back on what they meant to YOU, Bill Paxton has been our number 1 guy at Average Nobodies from the very start. We’ve called out the Catholic Church when St. John Paul II was canonized over Bill, we’ve rebelled against People Magazine for continuing to snub him as the sexiest man alive and we even created one of the greatest t-shirts of all time in his honor. We changed the term from ‘for God’s sake’ to ‘for Bill Paxton’s sake’ so many times I can’t even remember them all and when you go to our home page, Bill Paxton’s floating head rests over Matt’s right shoulder, right next to Prison Mike. My wonderful girlfriend, aware of my mild obsession with Bill, has been consistently contacting his assistant in hopes of having him show up in some capacity at my 30th birthday next year. While that won’t happen (unless…GHOSTS) it just goes to show you how much we loved Bill here at Average Nobodies, and that love will not be vanquished by his death. Fly away sweet prince. Fly away and be free.

-Ryan

Janet Patterson Was Included In The #Oscars ‘In Memoriam’ But They Used The Wrong Picture

If you’ve seen it once, you’ve it a million times. The old ‘this lady died but we’re going to use a picture of someone else who’s actually alive because we obviously don’t give a shit’ trick. Not only is this shitty for the woman who’s alive, but it’s terrible for the family of the woman who died as well. Janet Patterson is a four time Oscar winning costume designer, and they couldn’t even attach the right picture to her name. Between this, the Best Picture mix-up and the lack of a two and a half hour Bill Paxton tribute, I think we need somebody else at the control of next year’s show.

-Ryan

The Nokia Candy Bar is BACK

The company, HMD, recently released something exciting. They have revived the Nokia 3310 in the form of a android-running modern candy bar cell phone. Accorsinf to the presser, The Nokia 3310 will retail at an average global retail price of €49 (about $51.97). Here’s a closer look:

The specs:

  • System: Dual band 900/1800 MHz
  • Software platform: Nokia Series 30+
  • Dimensions: 115.6*51.0*12.8mm
  • Weight: 79.6 g (including battery)
  • Display: 2.4’’ QVGA (240*320)
  • two Micro SIM slots
  • Curved window with polarised layer for better readability in sunlight
  • Connectivity: micro USB, 3.5mm AV connector,
    Bluetooth 3.0 with SLAM
  • Camera: 2Mpxl camera with LED flash
  • MicroSD card support up to 32 GB
  • LED torchlight

These numbers are all well and good, but I only ned one piece of information…where and when can I buy one? For too long now have I dreamed of owning a simple phone for the times when I need, and want, to be off the grid. This little guy, developed by HMD, seems like the perfect mix of on and off the grid. Not to mention it brings me back to Christmas 2003 when I received my first cell phone, a Nokia 3310. Santa also brought a case for my phone that year; it was black and glossy with flames on it. Literal FIRE. Pair that with my frosted tips and you can probably imagine why I was a hit* with the ladies back in the day.

-Matt

*Not a hit at all.