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Add RoboCop to the List of People (?) Who Threw Out a Better First Pitch Than 50 Cent

When a futuristic robot/killing machine who has no rang of motion throws out a better first pitch than you, you know you’re in trouble. In 50 Cent’s defense, he looks way better than RoboCop in an extra small muscle shirt.

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– Ryan

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The 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos Infomercial is here!

These videos get better every year.

I am a big fan of ICP. Huge. Saying that, I’m not sure I would survive a Gathering.

-Matt

Detroit Broke City

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Great! Good for you Detroit. Just barely being eligible for bankruptcy is probably the lowest you can get. But if I know Detroit they will find a way to fuck it up.

-MattyV

Hey thank god for the Tigers though….oh wait…

GO SOX

So Much For Dollys Escape From Detroit

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HOLLY TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — A llama spotted wandering for nearly six months in Michigan has been captured and is getting a new home.Mlive.com reports (http://bit.ly/I8wtPD ) the llama that Kathy Kuzma calls “Dolly” was found Saturday in Oakland County’s Holly Township, about 40 miles northwest of Detroit.Kuzma has been on the lookout for the animal, which had been wandering her neighborhood. On Saturday, Lisa Davenport came to Kuzma’s house to get a look at the llama. Davenport has three llamas of her own along with other animals at a Michigan farm.

The women walked into a field to give the llama some food, and Dolly stood still instead of being her usual skittish self. They then coaxed the llama into a barn.

Davenport plans to take the llama back to her own farm. – Huff Post

So much for that, Dolly. I was really pulling for you too. It’s a shame that your sense of direction isn’t better because all you needed to do was go north and you would have escaped. See, I know what Dolly was after…freedom. Freedom from the armpit of America: Detroit. And even though her farm might not be in the city limits, just being that close to hell would be enough to make a sane llama lose her shit. If it wasn’t for your love of food you might still be on the run. Use that as motivation next time you run away.

-MattyV

Lauren Podell is Not Happy with Her Microphone

News reporters saying the F word live on air will never get old to me. I could survive on endless YouTube videos of reporters swearing. Lauren Podell, you just made this guys day.

– Ryan

23-year-old Detroit Lions Fan Wins 8.4 Million at World Series of Poker

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Nothing is a kick in the balls like waking up at 6am to a notification on your phone saying that a kid one year younger than you just won 8.4 million dollars….PLAYING POKER. Here I am, the fool, working hard everyday for my money, and this kids wheeling and dealing on the biggest poker tour in the world. I am doing something seriously wrong. Maybe I’ll gather up my life savings and buy a seat in the tournament next year. I’m awful at poker, so I wouldn’t make it past the first table, but i’ll throw my hat in the thing. If there were a “World Series of Go Fish” tournament, I would be all over that shit.  Go fish, MOFO! Making pairs like its my fucking job!

-MattyV

 

Did the Red Sox Win Last Night?

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Yup. Butt slap city.

Red Sox/Tigers ALCS Preview

The Tigers come to town tonight to begin what should be a fantastic ALCS. The MLB implemented new rules for this postseason, including a wild card play in round, but it looks the best 4 teams survived to make the league championship series. Here are the pitching matchups for the first four games and some keys to victory for the Sox:

Detroit: Game 1. Anibal Sanchez; Game 2. Max Scherzer; Game 3. Justin Verlander; Game 4. Doug Fister

Red Sox: Game 1. Jon Lester; Game 2. Clay Bucholz; Game 3. John Lackey; Game 4. Jake Peavy

Kind of goes without saying that Detroit has the pitching advantage in this series. We all know about Scherzer and Verlander, but Sanchez had a 2.57 ERA this year. We also shouldn’t have short term memory loss either. All anyone could talk about before game 1 of the ALDS is how Matt Moore and David Price had dominated the Red Sox all year. Two games and 19 runs later we had a 2-0 series lead. I trust our starters, especially Lester and Bucholz at home. Lackey has found renewed self confidence this year, and I’m pretty sure Peavy could pitch a good game with the field on fire. The chances of us beating Scherzer and Verlander back to back are slim, but if we beat one of them and take games 1 and 4, then I love only having to win one of the next three games.

Keys To Victory

1. PLAY JONNY GOMES – Gomes is the sparkplug for this team, no doubt about it. I love Nava, but Gomes brings an unmatched intensity to each and every game. There’s a reason they scored 19 runs in his two starts and 7 runs in his two non starts.

2. Beard-lieve – Yes it’s weird. But I believe the truly great teams hitch their wagons to an off the field activity and use it bring each other closer together. The 2013 Red Sox just so happened to pick beards. I’ve never seen a team so tight knit, and I’m loving every moment of it. If the beards are helping the Sox win, keep it growing (see what I did there).

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3. Trust. John Farrell has a lot of Terry Francona in him. Remember when everyone wanted Francona to bench Pedroia in ’07? Guess that worked out OK. Same thing here with Farrell, as he’s stuck with Napoli and Salty when they’ve struggled, and they’ve always come through. Nap had an awful ALDS, and besides game 1, so did Salty. I expect them to both have a big ol’ ALCS.

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A side note on the trust theme: Farrell trusts every single guy on this roster (except Kendrick Morales). From Ellsbury to Pedroia to Gomes to Boegarts, Farrell knows if he calls on a guy to do a job he’ll do it. So understated yet so important.

I really like this Red Sox squad against any team, and I think they’ll fare well against the Tigers. I want to say Sox in 5, but it’d be nice to see them celebrate at Fenway. Sox in 6 bitches.

– Ryan

– Ryan

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