Blog Archives
Some Guy Rode A Moose While It Was Walking In A Lake
You probably read that headline and thought “what the hell is this about?” but I can honestly say this is the most accurate headline I’ve ever put on a blog post. This is literally a video of a guy riding a moose that’s walking in a lake. It’s glorious, and I’m assuming this is Canada, because Canadians ride mother fucking moose now. I wrestled my masked friend in my other’s friends parent’s garage this weekend. And this guy rode a moose. Some things can’t be explained.
– Ryan
H/T UPROXX
Remind Me Never to Go Near the Water In Vancouver, British Columbia
JESUS – The recent catch of an enormous bullfrog in a remote Vancouver Island pond has fueled concern that the voracious amphibians are spreading unchecked across the British Columbia island’s landscape.
Russ Schut, who was fishing in tiny Sproat Lake with a worm and bobber, hauled in the 2-foot-long American bullfrog and released it—after posing for a photograph—without knowing that it belonged to an invasive species that threatens native critters.
Because they’re not native to the Canadian southwest and have few natural predators, such as alligators, water snakes, and kingfishers in their native American southeast, some of the bullfrogs are growing to abnormally large sizes.
(American bullfrogs are the largest North American frogs and typically grow to about 7 inches, and weigh up to 1.5 pounds.)
Holy moly that’s a gigantic frog. Frogs aren’t usually the first thing that come to my mind when I think of animals that scare the shit out of me, but this picture changes everything. I wasn’t aware frogs got this big and frankly I’m kind of upset I saw this picture. I never thought of frogs as cute animals, but they just kind of existed without much thought. Now I have no choice to classify them as my natural born enemy. In hindsight, I should have saw this coming. You never trust anything that survives solely on flies. That’s day one shit right there.
– Ryan
Blue Jays Fan Casually Letting Us Know Where Her Priorities Lie
You can call the Blue Jays fans whatever you want, but you can’t knock their passion. Just letting it all hang out there on the license plate for the world to see. Are adults in Canada this sheltered from the world? I don’t care how big of a Blue Jays fan you are, the letters BJ will always mean blow job. ALWAYS. There are two dynamite facts of life: Bill Paxton discovered the Titanic and the letters BJ stand for blow job. Putting the word mom after BJ is really just some delicious icing on the cake. The next time little Johnny gets dropped off at school by BJ MOM he should have himself one hell of a terrible day.
– Ryan
H/T Reddit
The @Banff_Squirrel is My New Favorite Thing on Twitter
Goggle tan season at our @SkiBig3com resorts! The look goes well with these record March snowfalls… pic.twitter.com/wAqyuGatbZ
— Banff Squirrel (@Banff_Squirrel) April 2, 2014
A little background to this adorable twitter account: I work for an escorted tour company and every now and then we get to sit through presentations from tourism boards across the world that want us to sell their product. The most recent presentation was from the Canadian Tourism Board, more specifically Banff Springs and Lake Louise. The legend of the squirrel started years ago with this picture:
I don’t want to over exaggerate but that’s a pretty phenomenal photobomb. Almost immediately after this picture was sent into the Tourism Board, the legend of the Banff Squirrel was created. The twitter account is an extension of that legend, and the Banff Squirrel has been “photo bombing” people all over Banff and Lake Louise.
Great day exploring #mybanff yesterday with @EarthXplorer! @TravelAlberta pic.twitter.com/clFokQ6WFS
— Banff Squirrel (@Banff_Squirrel) January 24, 2014
Slainte, twitter chums! May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty. And our ale never turn musty. pic.twitter.com/gqleX6YurW
— Banff Squirrel (@Banff_Squirrel) March 17, 2014
The Banff Squirrel is now the official ambassador of that region, and I for one think its doing a hell of a job. So go check it out on Twitter or don’t and be a Debbie Downer. The choice is yours.
– Ryan
So Much For Dollys Escape From Detroit
HOLLY TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — A llama spotted wandering for nearly six months in Michigan has been captured and is getting a new home.Mlive.com reports (http://bit.ly/I8wtPD ) the llama that Kathy Kuzma calls “Dolly” was found Saturday in Oakland County’s Holly Township, about 40 miles northwest of Detroit.Kuzma has been on the lookout for the animal, which had been wandering her neighborhood. On Saturday, Lisa Davenport came to Kuzma’s house to get a look at the llama. Davenport has three llamas of her own along with other animals at a Michigan farm.The women walked into a field to give the llama some food, and Dolly stood still instead of being her usual skittish self. They then coaxed the llama into a barn.
Davenport plans to take the llama back to her own farm. – Huff Post
So much for that, Dolly. I was really pulling for you too. It’s a shame that your sense of direction isn’t better because all you needed to do was go north and you would have escaped. See, I know what Dolly was after…freedom. Freedom from the armpit of America: Detroit. And even though her farm might not be in the city limits, just being that close to hell would be enough to make a sane llama lose her shit. If it wasn’t for your love of food you might still be on the run. Use that as motivation next time you run away.
-MattyV
Rob Ford Wants to Be the Prime Minister of Canada
(Source) ‘Sorry, kids – I shouldn’t have sworn in front of the kids,’ he said. ‘But after a while, I know what I’m doing is right. I’m serving people. I’m saving taxpayers money. And you know what, I made mistakes, I drank too much, I smoked some crack sometime. What can I say? I made a mistake, I’m human.’
In a separate interview with Fox News, Ford also revealed that his ambitions don’t end with remaining as Toronto mayor and that he wants to be prime minister of Canada.
‘Yes, one day I do want to run for prime minister,’ said Ford.
Rob Ford might be the least self aware person in the history of the universe. Has he drank a little too much on ocassion? Sure. Does he dabble in the crack cocaine game? Of course. Did he imply he eats his wife out all the time at a public hearing calling for his termination? The answer is yes. But despite all that nonsense, he still has dreams. He’s really no different from you or I. Should those small transgressions keep him from climbing the political ladder and becoming the prime minister of Canada? Yes it should. I’ve actually never been more sure of something in my entire life. But I’ve also never rooted for someone to succeed more than Rob Ford. He’s clearly lost his mind, but if running for prime minister means more Rob Ford coverage then I’m ready for the ride. Seatbelt is fastened. Show us what you’re really made of, Rob.
– Ryan
PS-
He’s the hero Toronto deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A Crack-smoking Dark Knight.
There is No Such Thing as a Free Vacation to Canada
“If it’s too good to be true, it probably is,” goes the old saying. Apparently that goes double for “free” vacations.
Just ask an unnamed couple from Australia, who believed they’d won an all-expenses-paid trip to Canada — complete with free luggage — but unwittingly became drug mules instead. When they returned from a seven-day vacation in the Great White North on Oct. 13, the couple, a 72-year-old man and 64-year-old woman, approached customs officials in Perth, Australia, over concerns they had with their new bags.
Australian Federal Police examined the luggage and found 3.5 kilograms (7.7 pounds) of methamphetamine stashed in the lining of each bag, worth an estimated total of $7 million dollars. Perth Now reports the couple had apparently been scammed by “AusCan Tours,” a fake Canadian travel agency that lured them into entering an online competition. They were contacted by the agency afterward with the good news that the pair had won a free vacation. – HuffPost
Well, you know what they say…don’t accept a free vacation to Canada unless you’re willing to peddle 7.7 pounds of meth across international boarders. “Too good to be true” is not the adage I would have used for this situation. A free trip to Canada, you say? As soon as I read this I knew these people must have been either elderly or from somewhere other than North America. Oh, look at that, this couple is both! Because there is no way someone gets that jazzed up about visiting Canada, unless they are from another country….or are senior citizens.
-MattyV
PS- I’ve been to Canada once. It was on a cruise, and my buddies and I got off the boat to go to a strip club. We found out it was closed (at 11:00am) and got back on the boat and never returned.
Milk Was a Bad Choice
That’s it, I’m throwing in the towel. It’s way to hot for me to live any longer. If you don’t find me shriveled up under my desk I have moved to Northern Canada. Send along my cat and send a letter to my family. Tell Bill Paxton I love him, and for the love of god delete my browser history.
How many more days till winter, Seanlite?
-MattyV
