Blog Archives

Kate Upton Tearing Down The House as Usual

Kate just broke my computer screen. Keep being you, Kate. We all love it.



PS- Hey Kate, next time your in Rhode Island less get dinner. Verlander doesn’t need to know about it. You know where to find me. My apartment smells of rich mahogany.

Kate Upton Throwback Thursday


The Only Thing I like More Than Kate Upton is Kate Upton in Zero Gravity

Sweet sugar! I’m sprinting to CVS after work to get this issue. Ok, so Kate Upton didn’t make the three-peat cover, at least she gets the zero gravity treatment.


A Hot Pocket Musice Video Starring Kate Upton, Snoop Dogg, and Bow Wow. Set to “Just a Friend”

2014 is going to be one hell of a year.


Enough is Enough. Kate Upton is Hotter Than Emma Stone

“But what was surprising was men’s clear preference for the milder, more family-friendly personality in their romantic lives. When asked which celebrity men would want their girlfriend to be more like, media darlings Emma Stone and Jennifer Lawrence both beat out Kate Upton

23% Kate Upton 31% Emma Stone 32% Jennifer Lawrence 10% Tina Fey 4% Kerry Washington”¬†– Yahoo



Wrong. Wrong. Look I like Emma Stone. She’s definitely hot. She seems witty and down to Earth. She made out with Gosling, so she’s obviously doing something right. But to say that you would rather her be your girlfriend over Kate Upton is downright inappropriate. It’s lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous! Not only was Kate Upton born one day after me, but she’s a MODEL. Maybe she won’t have a sarcastic comeback for everything you say, but she will be the hottest 21 year old on the planet. Plus she’s got a rack that could melt a popsicle. No offense to Emma, but you belong in the minor league version of this conversation. Leave the top spots for the pro’s.

– Ryan

P.S. I’ll gladly take Jennifer Lawrence as my consolation prize.

Let’s Not Screw This Up Rhode Island

All the fellas here at Average Nobodies currently reside in little ol Rhode Island. Yes it’s a state. No it’s not part of New York. There’s been all types chatter in the ocean state about how Taylor Swift bought a new pad in a hoity toity area of Westerly. It seems like everyone and their brother has spotted her at a Marshall’s or Dunkin or a Kinkos for Christ sakes. Some maniac even swam the narrow¬†river to sneak onto her property. And while I’m jealous I didn’t think of it first, we need to pump the breaks so we don’t screw this up.

We have a legit A list celebrity living here now, we can’t be breaking our necks trying to find her. You gotta play it cool. This could lead to Clooney coming here; we gotta do the right thing and give her some space. Because if Clooney comes and Foges finds out, God help us all.

So Rhode Island, all I ask is we give Ms. Swift some space and this place will be crawling with the likes of Selena Gomez and Kate Upton in no time. Also, I have an insane obsession with Taylor Swift. Couldn’t tell you a thing about her music, but if I ran into her I think I got a shot. Whatever that means.


P.S. there’s little to no chance I don’t find her

%d bloggers like this: