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This RI Farmer is Embarrassing the Shit Out of Me in Front of Taylor Swift

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So apparently some farmer from this great state of ours (RI) created a “Welcome Taylor” message in his corn field.

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Dude, you’re embarrassing me in front of T Swift! Act like you’ve been there before man. This is why Rhode Island can’t have nice things. Creeps, like the guy who swam to her house and this guy who wants to lock her up in his barn, live here. I’m calling it now, Taylor is out by christmas. She will be gone without ever having meet her one true blogger love: me. It’s a damn shame, but thats how the corn stalk falls I guess.

For now, i’m going to put on a disguse and pretend I don’t live here, and no one can stop me!!!!

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-MattyV

PS- You’re a tad late on the welcome message. She moved here like 8 months ago.

 

(Photo cred crushable.com)

The “Gossip Center” Covering Taylor Swift News Like Morons

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Taking some time off of their touring duties, Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran rented some paddle boards and hit the high seas at Narragansett Bay in Westerly, Massachusetts on Sunday afternoon (July 28). -Gossip Center

Ok, Gossip Center, if you are going to report about one of our own local celebrities here in Rhode Island please remove your head from your collective asses.  Number one, Narragansett Bay is basically the entire Rhode Island, and some of Massachusetts, watershed. So saying you’re “AT” Narragansett Bay is a pretty vague statement.  Number two, Westerly is a RHODE ISLAND town that boarders Connecticut, and is nowhere near Massachusetts.

-MattyV

PS- I don’t know who Ed Sheeran is, but he would be the poster child of “People Who Look Awkward At The Beach” Magazine.

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Let’s Not Screw This Up Rhode Island

All the fellas here at Average Nobodies currently reside in little ol Rhode Island. Yes it’s a state. No it’s not part of New York. There’s been all types chatter in the ocean state about how Taylor Swift bought a new pad in a hoity toity area of Westerly. It seems like everyone and their brother has spotted her at a Marshall’s or Dunkin or a Kinkos for Christ sakes. Some maniac even swam the narrow river to sneak onto her property. And while I’m jealous I didn’t think of it first, we need to pump the breaks so we don’t screw this up.

We have a legit A list celebrity living here now, we can’t be breaking our necks trying to find her. You gotta play it cool. This could lead to Clooney coming here; we gotta do the right thing and give her some space. Because if Clooney comes and Foges finds out, God help us all.

So Rhode Island, all I ask is we give Ms. Swift some space and this place will be crawling with the likes of Selena Gomez and Kate Upton in no time. Also, I have an insane obsession with Taylor Swift. Couldn’t tell you a thing about her music, but if I ran into her I think I got a shot. Whatever that means.

+Berno

P.S. there’s little to no chance I don’t find her

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