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Online Quizes are Getting Out of Hand: My Picks for Future Quiz Titles

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I won’t front (how gangster am I?), I take those online quizzes that have rapidly taken over the internet. Ryan and I even have an email thread with some friends in New York (S/O Jess and Justine) where all we do is take quizzes and share the results (and occasionally create celebrity death pools). As fun as these quizzes are I think some are getting less and less meaningful and more and more [weirdly] specific. Without further adieu, here are my top 10 quiz titles you should see popping up on the inter webs in the next few months.

1.) Which “Wickerman” Character are you?

2.) What Food Network star would be your Best Man/Brides Maid?

3.) Which 19th century decade do you belong in?

4.) What home improvement store are you?

5.) How loud can you scream on a crowded subway?

6.) What type of pulled muscle are you?

7.) How good are you at coloring?

8.) What would be your atomic number on the periodic table of elements?

9.) How many toes do you have?

10.) Which online quiz should you take next?

 

-Matt

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After What Feels Like Forever, The ‘Dumb and Dumber To’ Trailer is Finally Here

Lloyd Christmas (still my favorite movie character name ever) and Harry Dunn stopped by The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon last night to finally drop the long anticipated trailer for “Dumb and Dumber To”. There’s really no use writing about the actual scenes in the trailer, because you have to watch it for yourself. Let’s just say I’ve never had more faith in a sequel than I have in this movie. It’s also remarkable how neither of them looked like they’ve aged a single minute in that trailer. The haircuts look the same, and let’s just say Lloyd took his shaving ketchup joke up a few notches in the opening scene in the trailer. Long live the goofballs.

– Ryan

P.S. This trailer gets our seal of approval.

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Oh Happy Day – Dumb and Dumber To Trailer Will Be Released This Tuesday on The Tonight Show

Well this is the best news since sliced bread, and I LOVE sliced bread. Dumb and Dumber is one of the funniest movies of all time and is easily the most re-watchable comedy ever. I’ve seen it at least 100 times and find a new favorite scene/line each time. It’s also very cool that they’re releasing it on The Tonight Show. Instead of just a random release before some comedy movie this summer, The Tonight Show release gives it a big movie feel. Plus, anytime you can get Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels in a room together, magic is about to happen. I can’t wait for Tuesday, and I can’t wait for November 14th. Throw another shrimp on the Barbie!

– Ryan

Gun Tracking Bracelets are the Worst Idea Since Unsliced Bread

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Attorney General Eric Holder said gun tracking bracelets are something the Justice Department (DOJ) wants to “explore” as part of its gun control efforts.

When discussing gun violence prevention programs within the DOJ, Holder told a House appropriations subcommittee on Friday that his agency is looking into technological innovations. – FoxNews.com

Ok, so what these bracelets will do is only allow the proper owner of the gun to fire it. Sounds like a good safety measure, right? Absolutely NOT. Think about this for a second: You’re laying in bed and you hear an intruder forcefully enter your home. You roll over to your night stand and pull out your 9mm. You spring into action protect your family and home, but wait a second! Just as you are about to waste the P.O.S that is threatening the life of your family with a gun of his own, you remember that your forgot your bracelet back bedside. Oh shit, now the gun won’t fire. Shit out of luck man, try again next time. PLOT TWIST, there isn’t a next time, because you’re dead.

Bad idea. Bad idea all around.

-Matt

Everyone Needs to Cool Their Jets and Leave Jameis Alone

This 20 year-old kid just won the LAST BSC Title on his birthday! How could you possibly get on his post-game speech?! The kid must have been floored. Oh, that’s right, he also won the Heisman this year. Give him a break. At least what he said made sense. Can’t say that for all athletes.

Oh, and fuck AJ’s mom. Who cares what YOU have to say

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-Matt

Of Course a Florida Team Would Do Something Like This

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So, a glass panel at the Florida Panthers game broke last night, but don’t you worry they had their best guys on it! Easy fix, just throw come cardboard up. Like just completely ignoring the fact that they have no backup pieces of glass. Contingency plans are for the weak, I guess. One problem, Mozart, cardboard isn’t transparent! The fans sitting in the first couple rows behind that monstrosity should have just stayed home and listened on the radio. Although staying at home in Florida doesn’t always mean your safe***

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-Matt

*** See Ryans article about a Floridian who stabbed his brother over Mac n’ Cheese.

***UPDATE*** I have been told that this actually was a piece of glass but they couldn’t peel the protective paper off it, which is 1,000 times worse.

Stupidest Move of the Century: No tailgating will be allowed at Super Bowl XLVIII

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Fans who expect to grill out before Super Bowl XLVIII can think again. The game’s committee CEO, Al Kelly, said there will be no tailgating at the MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, N.J.,  before the game, reports Jane McManus of ESPN.com.
“You will be allowed to have food in your car and have drink in you car,” Kelly said. “And provided you’re in the boundaries of a single parking space, you’ll be able to eat or drink right next to your car. However you’re not going to be able to take out a lounge chair, you’re not going to be able to take out a grill and you’re not going to be able to take up more than one parking space. And it’ll all be watched very carefully.” – SI.com

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This has got to be a bluff. I mean, there is no way Al Kelly is that evil, is there? How could you possibly take away tailgating at the SUPERBOWL. There has to be something in the bible against it, and if there isn’t then I think we should amend that.

This is a travesty on a bunch of different levels. For one, this year the Superbowl happens to be in New York, which, if you don’t own a map, is going to be cold as fuck. Grills and trash can fires are going to be all that keeps fans alive before the game. Secondly, what the hell is everyone going to do all those hours before the game on Superbowl Sunday? Are they expected to just show up on time like some kind of animal? This isn’t soccer, people!

If I know my NFL fans like I think I do, putting the kibosh on tailgating won’t stop these animals.

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At least I can rest easy knowing that WWE isn’t this stupid. How were these guys (us)

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supposed to finish this much beer

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in the parking lot at 10am, without  tailgating? Wouldn’t have happened.

-Matt

I Have Never Seen This Level of Pride Before

Just look at this kid! Just absolutely pumped that he just slammed his brain through a table.

YEEEEAAAAHHH

And besides long term brain injuries he only has small amounts of bleeding…

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…which is a total disappointment, if you ask me. i was half expecting a scene from Saving Private Ryan when he pulled his head out of the table. Dude, if your gonna shove your noggin through a coffee table make the “after” worth it. Take a page out of the WWF playbook and tap a razor blade to your wrist. Make it count, or don’t do it. Showmanship is going out the window these days.

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-MattyV

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