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Reason #4.536 Why Jimmy Fallon is the Man: 80’s Cops with Alec Baldwin

If this is what happens when SNL alums get their own talk show, then count me as the #1 fan for Seth Myers new show. Jimmy Fallon is as versatile as they come, and now he’s bringing paparazzi killer Alec Baldwin in on the fun. Simple concept, but they both knock it out of the park here. You just know Fallon has a million more sketch ideas like this, and he gets the best celebrity guests on late night TV. Since NBC is looking for the next breakout comedy show, why not give Fallon a half hour a week to get some of these sketches on the air? I know at least 6 people that would watch that.

– Ryan

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Martell Davis Makes Pimpin’ Look Easy

“Martell Davis faces sex trafficking charges. He makes catchin’ pimps look easy. Martell Davis, 34, was clad in a t-shirt that read “I make pimpin’ look easy” when he was arrested in late July and charged with sex trafficking, according to federal court filings published this week by The Smoking Gun. Davis’ arrest was the result of an undercover operation by San Diego vice cops. A detective responded to an online prostitution ad and set up an $80 “date” for July 26 at a Best Western hotel. According to the report, a 17-year-old girl was waiting and officers promptly arrested her for prostitution. They then confiscated her phone and used it to text Davis, who they believed was her pimp. Posing as the girl, an officer asked how much to charge for anal sex, and Davis allegedly responded, “Oh sh*t make him break the bank babe,” and suggested at least $200. They texted back and forth for a while, and Davis agreed to pick the teen up later that night. When he showed up, cops arrested him and charged him with sex trafficking of a minor. Cops say Davis told them he did not know the prostitute was a minor, claiming just “just helping [her] out” and that he acted as “protection” for her.” – Huff Post

Martell Davis

Maybe not the brightest move. But Martell Davis needs to let the good people of San Diego how good he is at his job. In this case, that job happens to be illegal. Would we be ridiculing a librarian who walked around with a shirt that said “I Make Renting Books Look Easy”, or a firefighter with a shirt that said “I Make Spraying My Hose Look Easy”? I guess the latter suggestion is kind of inappropriate, but you get my point. Don’t hate Martell Davis, hate the pimp game for making it so damn easy for him.

– Ryan

 

Florida Man Gains Potato Chips, Loses His Mind.

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“Wonder if the flavor was ‘Assault and Vinegar.’ After being arrested for stealing potato chips from a Naples, Fla. drug store, Jacky Rogers told the deputy he would find, rape and kill his family, according to an arrest report obtained by Naples News. Rogers, 28, allegedly told the drug store manager, “I am hungry, man, I need to eat,” Fox 4 Now reported. He also allegedly told the Collier County deputies handcuffing him that he would “whip” their “a–es.” Rogers is charged with petty theft, according to the Collier County Sheriff’s Office. Arrest records show this is the sixth time he’s been jailed over the past two years, on charges including theft and battery.” – HuffPost

A man’s gotta eat. I can’t blame Jacky Rogers. In college I stole eggs and bags of chips from convenience stores when having beer money was an absolute necessity, although judging by his mugshot it looks like he might need heroin money. I think there are two very important questions that need to be asked here. What kind of chips was Jacky so obsessed with? If they were Cool Ranch Doritos then the cops owe Jacky an apology. You can’t expect a man to act rational when CRD’s are involved. He probably just saw blue and went for the kill. Give the guy a break. The second question is how does the same guy who steals a bag of chips threaten to murder and rape a cops family? I feel like chip thieves don’t dabble in the rape/murder game. All I know is I need that “assault and vinegar” line in my repertoire immediately. Game changing creativity.

– Ryan

P.S. If it turns out he stole Sun Chips they should give him the death penalty.

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