Florida Man Gains Potato Chips, Loses His Mind.

image

“Wonder if the flavor was ‘Assault and Vinegar.’ After being arrested for stealing potato chips from a Naples, Fla. drug store, Jacky Rogers told the deputy he would find, rape and kill his family, according to an arrest report obtained by Naples News. Rogers, 28, allegedly told the drug store manager, “I am hungry, man, I need to eat,” Fox 4 Now reported. He also allegedly told the Collier County deputies handcuffing him that he would “whip” their “a–es.” Rogers is charged with petty theft, according to the Collier County Sheriff’s Office. Arrest records show this is the sixth time he’s been jailed over the past two years, on charges including theft and battery.” – HuffPost

A man’s gotta eat. I can’t blame Jacky Rogers. In college I stole eggs and bags of chips from convenience stores when having beer money was an absolute necessity, although judging by his mugshot it looks like he might need heroin money. I think there are two very important questions that need to be asked here. What kind of chips was Jacky so obsessed with? If they were Cool Ranch Doritos then the cops owe Jacky an apology. You can’t expect a man to act rational when CRD’s are involved. He probably just saw blue and went for the kill. Give the guy a break. The second question is how does the same guy who steals a bag of chips threaten to murder and rape a cops family? I feel like chip thieves don’t dabble in the rape/murder game. All I know is I need that “assault and vinegar” line in my repertoire immediately. Game changing creativity.

– Ryan

P.S. If it turns out he stole Sun Chips they should give him the death penalty.

Advertisements

About ryanfoges

I want to experience as much as I can while I’m here. Come along for the ride @rfogarty7.

Posted on June 13, 2013, in Average Blog Posts and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Oh God, not Florida again…

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: