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“You Refuse to Update Your Relationship Status on Facebook”: A Breakup in 2014

At least the guy numbered his grievances. That’s about the only good thing I have to say about this breakup text. Also, it’s probably a good thing this girl got out of this relationship because there’s a solid chance this guy was planning to wear her as a skin coat. Guys with cats are already kind of a red flag (no offense Matt), and the rest of the reasons he lists here are borderline insane. The Facebook thing has to happen more often than we hear about. I  can only imagine this eating away at people as they stalk their significant other’s profiles. Constantly being teased by their friends who tell them “if it’s not Facebook official you’re not a real couple”. It’s clear that this guy finally broke down and he couldn’t take it anymore. Unless these two are 16 years old, the last two reasons are null and void. People swear, deal with it, and if you think you’re going to find a girl or guy over the age of 25 who has had less than 3 sexual partners you are literally looking for a unicorn: I’m pretty sure they exist, I’ve just never seen one. I know there are more crazy breakup texts out there, and if I’m being honest, now that I’ve had a taste of them, I need more. Fire up the internet! It’s breakup text research time.

– Ryan

H/T UPROXX

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Some Funny Animal GIFs Never Hurt Anyone

animals

This Horse getting owned by a workout ball

Cat Done Fall

Too much work for this cat

Cat WTF

Shadow fight!

Dog Stick

Big dreams getting shattered for this dog

dog wtf

Matrix Dog

Penguin Slip

How is this penguin not used to the snow by now!?

Scared Bear

Cat 1, Bear 0

-Matt

Cat Shaped Chest Hair is All the Craze Right Now

cat shaped chest hair

If this is going to be the after effects of Movember then I vote we shut it down right now. Growing mustaches is one thing. Turning that mustache into a weird mustache chest hair cat sculpture is another. I think this sassy lady speaks for all of us when she says…

19 GIFs We Should All Retire In 2014

– Ryan

(credit: Huffpost)

Danny McBride Did a Commercial for Cat Wine on Jimmy Kimmel Live

Danny McBride has to be one of the five funniest people on the planet. If you put anyone besides Will Ferrell in this it would be a dud, but Danny somehow makes it funny. In unrelated news, I think I’m stocking up on cat wine for the long winter. If there’s one thing I learned in college it’s that you can never have enough cat wine.

– Ryan

10+ Million Views For “What Does The Fox Say”?!

So this video is probably the hottest thing on the internet right now. “What Does The Fox Say”? It says fuck you, this shit is stupid. I hope all the Fox in the area rise up and kill all the people that had a hand in this video. I love stupid videos as much as the next YouTuber; David After Dentist, A Sheep Sings Taylor Swift, you name it, but this video won’t fly with me.

Someone who has the technology to freeze people, come by my house after work. I’ll be ready for the big chill. Just promise you will defrost me when the Bucs make the playoffs.

-MattyV

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