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California Chrome Lost the Triple Crown on Saturday Then His Owner Lost His Goddamn Mind

COWARDSHe also made a questionable analogy of why Tonalist’s participation Saturday was unfair.

“These people nominate their horses for the Triple Crown and then they hold out two [races] and then come back and run one,” Coburn told ESPN. “That would be like me at 6-2 playing basketball with a kid in a wheelchair. They haven’t done anything with their horses in the Triple Crown. There were three horses in this race that ran in the first two — California Chrome, Ride on Curlin and General a Rod — none of the other horses did.  You figure out. You ask yourself, ‘Would it be fair if I played basketball with a child in a wheel chair?”

Coburn made the analogy in both interviews Sunday morning. He was asked in the “Good Morning America interview” if he considered the comparison offensive.

“No, I’m just trying to compare the two,” he said. “Is it fair for me to play with this child in a wheelchair? Is it fair for them to hold their horses back?”

Coburn said he has no problems if people label him a “sore loser” and even proceeded to give out his phone number so people can call him with their complaints.

 

So this is one way to lose the Triple Crown. Call the horse who won the race, fair and square might I add, a coward, then compare the loss to you, a grown man, playing basketball against a kid in a wheelchair. Interesting analogy. I also love that he had to actually ask the question: “would it be fair if I played basketball with a child in a wheel chair?” Probably not, Steve. Also if you own a horse you should probably be OK with the rules of horseracing. If he came out with this rant before the Belmont race I would respect him a little bit more, because he just doesn’t agree with the rules. But saying this after the race just makes you look like a pissy pants sore loser. Above all else, I really hope this loss helps Steve Coburn work on his analogy game. Never compare yourself to handicapped children. It’s not a good look.

– Ryan

P.S. When did Wilfred Brimley start owning horses?

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Some Funny Animal GIFs Never Hurt Anyone

animals

This Horse getting owned by a workout ball

Cat Done Fall

Too much work for this cat

Cat WTF

Shadow fight!

Dog Stick

Big dreams getting shattered for this dog

dog wtf

Matrix Dog

Penguin Slip

How is this penguin not used to the snow by now!?

Scared Bear

Cat 1, Bear 0

-Matt

I Think it’s Safe to Say Kate Upton Won the Melbourne Cup

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Let’s all be quiet and let Chris De Burgh’s beautiful voice do the talking for us.

– Ryan

You Know You Had a Good Night When You Wake Up On A Horse

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A German man who fell asleep while on horseback ended up having an “unsaddling” experience. The unidentified 26-year-old man was staggering around in Landsberg, Germany, on Saturday night, when he found his way into a cozy stable, TheLocal.de reported. For some reason, he decided the back of a horse was the best place to get some shut-eye and he passed out there. The horse’s owner came in the next morning and found him passed out. Not wanting to horse around with a drunk, the woman called the police who took the man home, Anorak.co.uk reported. -Huff Post

I am no stranger to waking up in weird spots after a decently heavy night of drinking. Bath tubs, front lawns, cars..etc. What I don’t have experience with is waking up on top of a horse. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think I could ride or balance myself on a horse, sober. Never mind blackout drunk. That is some talent.

-MattyV

PS- Since all these horse related crimes have been popping up I decided to dig a little deeper and find others as well:

In September, Patrick Neal Schumacher, 45, was arrested after allegedly riding a horse while intoxicated. Witnesses told the Colorado University Police Department that Schumacher was wandering into traffic while going up a busy road. Witnesses also said Schumacher was hitting his horse, Dillon, but he told police he was trying to swat a fly off the horse’s head.

In August, Diane Harvey was sentenced to four days in jail after slapping a mounted police officer’s horse. It all started after the officer rode up and asked the woman to empty out a large cup of beer. Harvey, who was apparently intoxicated, refused and began walking away. The officer then blocked her way with his horse, and the irate Harvey slapped the animal.

In September, 2012, Charles Larkin Cowart, 29, was arrested in Bunnell, Fla., for being intoxicated on a horse, but only after he led police on a 30-minute chase.

What the hell is happening to this world.

Korey Jerelds, Just Casually Punching Police Horses

KOREY JERELDS

He was mad at the horse.

Korey Jerelds, 30, was arrested early Saturday after he allegedly punched a police horse in the neck several times following a loud verbal disturbance.

According to WTSP, an officer on a horseback was dispersing a crowd when Jerelds “yelled an expletive about the horse and took a fighting stance before punching the animal.”

Jerelds now faces charges of interfering with or obstructing a police dog or horse.

The horse, whose name is Mr. George II, was not harmed in the incident, according to WESH. – HuffPost

I could be wrong, but I think this is the second blog the Average Nobodies have done about some guy getting arrested for punching a police horse (Ryan, can I get a confirmation?). Does this kind of stuff really happen that much? If two people already got arrested in the past year for this I can only imagine how many horse punching bandits are getting away with this stuff. And obviously the cop wouldn’t report their horse getting punched. How stupid would a cop sound if he said someone punched his horse and got away. Pretty fucking stupid. You’re on a horse, do something about it. Chase his ass down and make him face the penalties of horse punching. Which i’m assuming is 12 hours community service and a apology to the horse.

-MattyV

I Need This Horse Jacket

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“The Bridge”, a new drama on FX, premiered last night. I can already tell it’s going to be my newest guilty pleasure, but I’ll save that conversation for another day. Ever since last night all I’ve been able to think about is the horse jacket that Diane Kruger’s character wore during the show. I don’t know why she was wearing the jacket and I don’t care. All I know is if I don’t find a website that sells this jacket my life will be forever tainted. A jacket like this comes around once in a blue moon, and it has immediately become my white whale. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I got fired from my job. It will all be worth it if I can get my hands on this beautiful horse jacket. I know these 3 things to be true: Bill Paxton discovered the Titanic, me and Clooney will be best friends and I need this horse jacket.

– Ryan

P.S. Just to clarify, this isn’t a jacket you put on a horse. It’s a human jacket with a horse on the back.

I Looked Up “Insane” in the Dictionary and Here’s What I Found

Joanna Rohrback invented Prancercise – “A springy, rhythmic way of moving forward, similar to a horse’s gait” – back in 1989, but it never caught on. -Huff Post

“Never caught on”?…Oh? You don’t fucking say?  The only people that would ever create something like this ate paint chips as a child.  If you do this, please admit yourself into the nearest padded room.  That way I don’t have to track you down and do it myself. Also, find me the composer of that music!  I assume he got into porn after this.

-MattyV

P.S. Anyone else think this lady had a love affair with a horse?

P.S.S. I Spy Camel Toe!

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