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042 Humans Versus Cersei Lannister

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Reason #5,000 Internet Commenters Are The Worst – ‘The Fire Truck Is Here’ Video

Cute videos on FaceBook and YouTube are a dime a dozen nowadays, but that doesn’t make them any less adorable. Whether it’s dogs being the goddamn best or babies yelling the word fire truck over and over, I honestly can’t get enough of them. Normal people who watch these videos will Like them, or maybe add one of those cool new emoji’s FaceBook has gifted us. That’s not the case for the most deranged among us, a.k.a. internet commenters. They need to add in their two cents, and it’s almost always something awful. Enter Mary Chandler:

Jesus Christ Mary. Now my first reaction to this is that this entire story can’t possibly be true. Yes I understand house fires a thing but why is this woman’s fathers first instinct to throw her elderly mother out the window? That sounds like something premeditated and this guy found the perfect time to do it. Also, I highly doubt the fire department, rather than trying to save the animals inside, went to get their children to have them a watch a good old fashioned house fire. That’s not a thing that happens. And if this warped story is true? Why tell it as a comment on a cute kid video? Maybe your life sucks Mary Chandler, but that doesn’t mean you have to ruin everyone else’s day too.

-Ryan

029 NFL Draft, Facebook Sorcery and McMahon Biopic

Talk to us on twitter – @AverageNobodies | Read our blog – http://www.averagenobodies.com | Leave us a voicemail – 401-285-8120 | Matt – @MattFromRi

Veronica-Pooh Nash Is Not The Summer Safety Instructor We Deserve, But She Is The One We Need

I don’t think I’ve agreed with a person more. On the surface, you wouldn’t think Veronica-Pooh Nash and I had a ton of things in common, but our opinions on avoiding shark attacks are pretty much identical. The ocean is the shark’s house. All they do is swim…in the ocean. I’m not saying people who are killed or attacked by sharks deserve it, but you’re taking a big risk whenever you go in the ocean. It’s not like you’re sitting home watching TV and a shark breaks down your front door and starts gnawing on your leg. We as a society would actually have a lot of problems if that started happening, but I digress. Sharks don’t want to attack humans. Scientists found that out a long time ago. But we’re basically invading their living space, and when you pit a shark against a human the human loses that battle every time. Never going in the ocean again is kind of a drastic take on this, but the sure way to avoid being shark bait is to never go in the ocean again.

– Ryan

After A Pic Of James Harden & Some Girl Leaked On Instagram The NBA Star Got Some Groupie Advice From…Bow Wow?

Yo i see yall boys still young rich and DUMB. Now james is my boy but let me say this now. This is how i USE to do it its called “leaving no evidence” if you was chilling w me my security takes phones and you signing papers. The rule is when she leaves she gets her phone back.

Secondly if u forgot to take phone make sure she sleep then find her phone (usually by side of bed) i would take it put it under the bed so i KNOW im good and could sleep peacefully. Yall be too comfy w/ brauds yall dont know!

I give credit to the ladies because most of us are just that rich and STUPID so yall know how to get us. I been caught up too before not knowing being a rookie but next time.. Leave no evidence. Sometimes i would sleep somewhere else leave them all by themselves but id be watching them from my security cam.

Fellas be smart we know the p***** is the most powerful thing but dont let it hypnotize you. Ladies when yall do stuff like this, it ruins it for you because we NEVER calling you again. Why mess it up over a proof pic that you twapping a rich dude. Was it worth it? YOOOOOO JAMES WAAAKE UP BRO! zzzzzz…. #feartheblonde

ps. This game aint for everybody! I took being a ladies man serious. You got to go all out PROTECT your brand your image.

Sounds like you’re in for a rip roaring time when you hang out with Bow Wow. He takes your phone AND your signing some kind of paper and then Bow Wow watches you sleep from his secure bunker. Party central. My favorite part of this post (besides the grammar, more on that later) is that this reads like some kind of dinner recipe. 1 cup of security takes phone. A dash of you signing papers. 3 sprinkles of making sure she’s asleep and finding her phone (usually by side of bed) & a big clump of putting that phone under the bed so you can sleep peacefully. Bow Wow has cracked the code, because everyone knows if you put someone’s phone under the bed they’re never finding it. Under the bed might as well be the lost city of Atlantis for cell phones.

On the one hand I’m glad Bow Wow’s alive, on the other hand he couldn’t possibly be more full of himself. At least he takes being a ladies man seriously though. Wouldn’t have been able to sleep this weekend without knowing that. I do want to get back to the grammar – I’m not a grammar Nazi (or any kind of Nazi) but this is written extremely poorly for someone of Bow Wow’s age. You’re 28. Get a fucking dictionary or a thesaurus or something. I know he found fame at a young age but this is just an abomination of the English language. At least now guys have the official handbook for how to hang out with girls. Make sure they sign them papers!

– Ryan

via Bro Bible & Bow Wow

James Gunn Isn’t Happy

james-gunn-london

Whatever the case, the truth is, popular fare in any medium has always been snubbed by the self-appointed elite. I’ve already won more awards than I ever expected for Guardians. What bothers me slightly is that many people assume because you make big films that you put less love, care, and thought into them then people do who make independent films or who make what are considered more serious Hollywood films.

I’ve made B-movies, independent films, children’s movies, horror films, and gigantic spectacles. I find there are plenty of people everywhere making movies for a buck or to feed their own vanity. And then there are people who do what they do because they love story-telling, they love cinema, and they want to add back to the world some of the same magic they’ve taken from the works of others. In all honesty, I do no find a strikingly different percentage of those with integrity and those without working within any of these fields of film.

If you think people who make superhero movies are dumb, come out and say we’re dumb. But if you, as an independent filmmaker or a ‘serious’ filmmaker, think you put more love into your characters than the Russo Brothers do Captain America, or Joss Whedon does the Hulk, or I do a talking raccoon, you are simply mistaken.

I have to agree with James Gunn. Just because you make a movie of a certain genre it doesn’t make the dedication to that project any more or any less. Coming from someone who has shot a bunch of shorts and a couple semi-feature length indie movies, making something takes putting your whole heart into it. Just because James Gunn decided to make a movie (which I thought was one of the best of the year) about super heroes doesn’t mean his heart and soul wasn’t in the movie and characters that he brought to life. When i go see a movie, I take into account all the hard work it went into making that movie and where the director was going with it. I never hastily judge a movie, because who am I to demean an artists work? I guess that’s what I’m not the toughest critic.

-Matt

“You Refuse to Update Your Relationship Status on Facebook”: A Breakup in 2014

At least the guy numbered his grievances. That’s about the only good thing I have to say about this breakup text. Also, it’s probably a good thing this girl got out of this relationship because there’s a solid chance this guy was planning to wear her as a skin coat. Guys with cats are already kind of a red flag (no offense Matt), and the rest of the reasons he lists here are borderline insane. The Facebook thing has to happen more often than we hear about. I  can only imagine this eating away at people as they stalk their significant other’s profiles. Constantly being teased by their friends who tell them “if it’s not Facebook official you’re not a real couple”. It’s clear that this guy finally broke down and he couldn’t take it anymore. Unless these two are 16 years old, the last two reasons are null and void. People swear, deal with it, and if you think you’re going to find a girl or guy over the age of 25 who has had less than 3 sexual partners you are literally looking for a unicorn: I’m pretty sure they exist, I’ve just never seen one. I know there are more crazy breakup texts out there, and if I’m being honest, now that I’ve had a taste of them, I need more. Fire up the internet! It’s breakup text research time.

– Ryan

H/T UPROXX

Monster Blog Wednesday: Exotic Pets

Monster Blog Wednesday is back in full swing. This week? Well, this week we offer up our choices for exotic pets. Simple right? NOPE. Here’s the kicker: We are counting extinct animals in our selections. Got yours? No? That’s ok, take a look at our picks for inspiration.

Wooly Mammouth

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Large, Majestic, and hairy, The Wooly Mammoth is my perfect spirit animal and pet! I really have no idea what these guys were like but I bet they were loyal as hell. Loyalty is one of the main personality traits i look for in a beast-friend. Secondly, this guy is is instant transportation. I will immediately be selling my car after this guy comes to live with me. Yeah, I might be late for everything I ever go to, but are you going to really hold it against me when I show up on a Wooly?

-Matt

PS- His name is Pete. Human names are hilarious for animals.

Rhinoceros

rhinoceros

I’ve always had a fascination with Rhinos for no apparent reason, so that’s as good a reason as any to pick it as my exotic pet. I also feel like Rhinoceros are discriminated against in pop culture. Would it kill Disney to create a sassy Rhinoceros character? The ultimate slap in the face came during the movie Madagascar; you picked a zebra over a rhino, Disney? Are you high? I’m hoping through my fictional adoption that the perception of Rhinos will go from “oh God I’m going to die” to “man that Rhino is sassy!”.

-Ryan

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