Blog Archives
“You Refuse to Update Your Relationship Status on Facebook”: A Breakup in 2014
My friend just sent me this break-up message she received after 7 weeks of dating. My fav reason for split is #3 pic.twitter.com/EdAFS5lLKy
— Amy Nelmes (@amynelmes) November 13, 2014
At least the guy numbered his grievances. That’s about the only good thing I have to say about this breakup text. Also, it’s probably a good thing this girl got out of this relationship because there’s a solid chance this guy was planning to wear her as a skin coat. Guys with cats are already kind of a red flag (no offense Matt), and the rest of the reasons he lists here are borderline insane. The Facebook thing has to happen more often than we hear about. I can only imagine this eating away at people as they stalk their significant other’s profiles. Constantly being teased by their friends who tell them “if it’s not Facebook official you’re not a real couple”. It’s clear that this guy finally broke down and he couldn’t take it anymore. Unless these two are 16 years old, the last two reasons are null and void. People swear, deal with it, and if you think you’re going to find a girl or guy over the age of 25 who has had less than 3 sexual partners you are literally looking for a unicorn: I’m pretty sure they exist, I’ve just never seen one. I know there are more crazy breakup texts out there, and if I’m being honest, now that I’ve had a taste of them, I need more. Fire up the internet! It’s breakup text research time.
– Ryan
H/T UPROXX
Cat Shaped Chest Hair is All the Craze Right Now
If this is going to be the after effects of Movember then I vote we shut it down right now. Growing mustaches is one thing. Turning that mustache into a weird mustache chest hair cat sculpture is another. I think this sassy lady speaks for all of us when she says…
– Ryan
(credit: Huffpost)
Danny McBride Did a Commercial for Cat Wine on Jimmy Kimmel Live
Danny McBride has to be one of the five funniest people on the planet. If you put anyone besides Will Ferrell in this it would be a dud, but Danny somehow makes it funny. In unrelated news, I think I’m stocking up on cat wine for the long winter. If there’s one thing I learned in college it’s that you can never have enough cat wine.
– Ryan