Blog Archives
Irony: A Man Named Noel Hates Christmas
Source — A man named Noel, who climbed the city’s public Christmas tree Wednesday, was arrested after yelling incoherently and attempting to unfurl a banner.
Noel Delgado, 42, of New Haven, was charged with misdemeanor breach of peace after police talked him out of the tree.
Lt. Jeff Hoffman of the New Haven Police said Delgado was found climbing the tree shortly before noon ET.
“He was yelling kind of indecipherably about causes, but none of it really connected,” Hoffman said.
Delgado had two banners with him, but the words on them weren’t visible because they had become tangled in the tree.
Police cut power to tree lights and kept people away as the incident played out. The tree, which sits near the center of the Green, had its nearly 30,000 LED lights lit on Dec. 5.
Delgado decided to make his way down the tree around 12:30 p.m., and police drove him from the snowy Green in a police cruiser. Delgado continued to yell as he was led away.
Delgado refused medical treatment, Hoffman said. According to court records, Delgado has a criminal history of minor arrests, and a felony charge of conspiracy to possess and sell drugs stemming from an April 2010 arrest.
So much for the first Noel, eh? I actually know exactly what happened here. His whole life, Noel was told how much he has to love Christmas. His parents were probably Christmas freaks who competed against everyone else on the street for the best decorated house. As a child, his parents would play ‘The First Noel’ over and over until the lyrics were ingrained in his brain. Then one day, on a chilly December morning such as this, Noel met someone. As they got to know each other through conversation, the women made a ‘first Noel’ joke, That’s when Noel snapped, and he’s never been the same since. Climbing Christmas trees and screaming incoherently until someone puts a stop to the insanity that is ‘The First Noel’. I wish I could say this is the last we’ll hear from Noel. But I have a feeling this is just the beginning.
– Ryan
Rob Ford Knows What Women Want For Christmas
Source – Toronto Mayor Rob Ford responded to a U.S. sports radio show’s question about what he was getting his wife for Christmas by saying: “Just money, women love money.”
Ford made the comment Thursday during his regular phone-in chat on Sports Junkies, on 106.7 The Fan, based in Washington, D.C.
Ford is on the show to talk sports and make NFL picks, but when one of the hosts asked Ford about his holiday gift-giving plans for his wife Renata, he replied:
“Just money. Women love money. Give them a couple of thousand bucks and they’re happy. Get some treats on the side obviously for her,” he said. “At the end of the day, she wants her cash. So I give her a nice cheque and we’re all happy.”
When asked what he hoped to get from his wife, Ford said: “She always surprises me. I have a fantastic wife.”
The comments come a day after Ford apologized for the second time to Toronto Star reporter Daniel Dale, who had threatened to sue the mayor for comments made on a television interview earlier this month for former media baron Conrad Black.
This is the tamest Rob Ford has been in months, but when you have a chance to write about him, you have to do it. He’s just too big of a star right now. The funniest part of this whole scenario is that Rob Ford is probably the last person on Earth I would ask for advice on holiday gifts for my wife. I can’t imagine too many people listening to that interview or reading that article are taking Rob Ford’s advice. He doesn’t exactly have the best street cred right now. With that said, if someone writes me a big, fat check for Christmas, I’m not turning it away. I’m just happy he didn’t say he was getting his wife crack.
– Ryan
P.S. Now I have to turn into this radio show every time he’s on. He’s the definition of must listen radio.
A Rhode Islanders Guide to Santacon in New York
I went to New York to celebrate Santacon for the second year in a row this year, and it was just as much fun the second time. Now that I’m a wile veteran of the Santacon scene, I put together a how-to guide for all the future Santaconners/alcoholics out there.
1. Local Hospitality
(May or may not be where I stayed)
If you’re not from New York, stay with someone who is. This is the most important step in a successful Santacon. If you stay in a hotel and think you can navigate Santacon without a resident New Yorker, you’re in for an interesting day. Navigating in unfamiliar territory isn’t that much fun when you’re 15 beers deep. Luckily, I had two Santacon pro’s to help me out (thanks Jess and Justine)
2. Eat Breakfast
No superheroes are needed on Santacon Saturday. If you start day drinking on an empty stomach it won’t end well for anyone involved. May I suggest a bagel sandwich of some sort.
3. Get Out There Early
The New Yorkers who celebrate Santacon take it very seriously, so if you wanna get a good spot at a good bar, you better get your ass out there early. Ideally, you should be at the bar by 1130am. Make sure your drinking shoes are on, too. You’re in for a beer filled day.
4. Get in the Spirit
There’s nothing worse than someone who does Santacon in normal clothes. Everyone, and I mean everyone, dresses as Santa. So I decided to go with the classic Christmas sweater, Santa hat/beard combo. Beware of drunk girls if you wear the fake beard. I got called an imposter by some scholar who thought my beard was real.
5. Drinking All Day and Visiting Rockefeller Center at Night in the Show is Actually Awesome
You owe it to yourself to visit New York at Christmastime. And if you can day drink while dressed as Santa at the same time, well that’s always a fun bonus. See ya next year NYC. Stay classy.
R. Kelly is Going to Make a Christmas Album, Seduce Everyones Female Relatives and Probably Have Sex With Them
Source – If you’re planning to play one of R. Kelly’s recent albums to liven up your holiday parties (and really, who isn’t?), make sure you check the album art first.
That’s because his forthcoming Christmas album (due out in time for next year’s holiday) would be a much more seasonally appropriate choice than his lascivious new one, “Black Panties.”
Don’t mistake the Christmas record as being exactly wholesome, however, he told Rap-Up Interview. “It’s gonna be a lot of lovemaking. … I come with that bearing gifts.”
The mind reels at the sex-metaphor possibilities that the holiday season will open up for Kelly. Though we hope he’ll broaden his topicality to include all sorts of cultural celebrations — from Hanukkah (eight nights of passion, etc.) to Diwali and beyond.
I don’t care what this article says. In R. Kelly’s world, there are two things: wonderful, visceral sexy sex..and death. Horrible, boring death. R. Kelly could be making a Christian church album for small children. It wouldn’t matter. All he knows is sexy sex. If you buy this album, R. Kelly is going to have his way with you. And it’s probably going to be glorious.
– Ryan
This Lady Has a Better Christmas Card Than You
– via BuzzFeed
Rebecca is one lucky lady. Tom “Santa Claus” Hanks. Wiz “Elf” Khalifa. What a crew. Sub in Kid Cudi for Wiz and I’d die a happy man.
– Ryan
