R. Kelly is Going to Make a Christmas Album, Seduce Everyones Female Relatives and Probably Have Sex With Them

Source – If you’re planning to play one of R. Kelly’s recent albums to liven up your  holiday parties (and really, who isn’t?), make sure you check the album art  first.

That’s because his forthcoming Christmas album (due out in time for next  year’s holiday) would be a much more seasonally appropriate choice than his  lascivious new one, “Black Panties.”

Don’t mistake the Christmas record as being exactly wholesome, however, he  told Rap-Up Interview. “It’s gonna be a lot of lovemaking. … I come with  that bearing gifts.”

The mind reels at the sex-metaphor possibilities that the holiday season will  open up for Kelly.  Though we hope he’ll broaden his topicality to include  all sorts of cultural celebrations — from Hanukkah (eight nights of passion, etc.) to Diwali and  beyond.


I don’t care what this article says. In R. Kelly’s world, there are two things: wonderful, visceral sexy sex..and death. Horrible, boring death. R. Kelly could be making a Christian church album for small children. It wouldn’t matter. All he knows is sexy sex. If you buy this album, R. Kelly is going to have his way with you. And it’s probably going to be glorious.

– Ryan

About ryanfoges

I want to experience as much as I can while I'm here. Come along for the ride @rfogarty7.

Posted on December 12, 2013, in Average Blog Posts and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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