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Stone & Strand Wants You To Know That They Have ‘Something For Every Hole’

Photo: Stone & Strand

via Stone & Strand

Hooo boy. I’m the first one to admit people really stretch to find find sexual innuendos all over the internet, but Stone & Strand made it easy for us on this one. This is a piercing advertisement that also could double as a tagline for a gang bang porno, which is not a sentence I expect to write every day. It’s harmless, but I’m not of the age yet where I’m going to let a ‘something for every hole’ joke pass me by. Not even close.

-Ryan

H/T Buzzfeed

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Joel Donaldson Sucks At Robbing People

(Source) A Brooklyn cellphone crook’s poor wardrobe choices led to his arrest when his saggy jeans tripped him up during his getaway attempt and allowed cops to chase him down, police said. Joel Donaldson, 21, allegedly punched his victim in the face before snatching her phone at around 2:30 p.m. at Court and Remsen streets, just steps from Borough Hall. He then tried to get away on foot, but didn’t get far. His droopy blue jeans — which left his boxer shorts exposed — kept slipping down as he ran. A cop who was directing traffic nearby spotted the bungling bad guy’s sorry sartorial situation and hurried after him. Donaldson made it only about a block before his pants were completely around his ankles, allowing the officer to tackle him near Joralemon Street. “He was zigzagging all over the place, but he couldn’t run because his pants was falling down,” witness Arlene Williams said. “This cop saw it, and he went right after him.’’ Donaldson was arrested two blocks from Brooklyn Criminal Court and charged with robbery, cops said.

Belt-less. I really don’t understand some people. If you’re going to go through all the trouble of punching some poor lady in the face and stealing her cell phone, you’d think you’d invest in some comfortable clothes. Maybe gym shorts? Running shoes? Basically anything but baggy jeans. You rob some lady’s cell phone in baggy jeans you’re getting caught every time. The most important part of a robbery is getting away. I could go up to some lady on the street and knock her lights out, but I get winded running to first base in beer league softball so the chances of me getting away are very slim. Joel has all the gifts you want in a thief, yet he let his pride and baggy pants get in the way. Get some new clothes Joel, or invest in a belt

– Ryan

I’ve Found My New Favorite Website

This is literally the hardest choice I have to make on a daily basis. I’d love to just kick back and have a few beers every night, but I also don’t want to weigh 400 pounds. As far as working out goes, I’ll start and end with this: I have a free on site gym at work that’s been open for two months and I’ve gone there three times. Back to the greatest web site ever created. Get drunk not fat ranks every beer and liquor you can think of based on the amount of included alcohol versus calorie content.

Brand
ABV Alcohol % by Volume Calories Per Serving C.F.A. Calories From Alcohol Higher is better Carbs Per Serving Comments
Pure Ethanol Not a real drink, for comparison only 100% 238 calories per 1.5 oz Score: A+ 100.00% 0.00 7.1 Calories per gram (http://annals.org/article.aspx?articleid=691502) Density = 0.789 g/cm3 Grams in one fluid oz = 28.3495 7.1 x 0.789 x 28.3495 = 158.81 cals per fl oz
Everclear 95% 226 calories per 1.5 oz Score: A+ 99.97% 0.00 Calorie info obtained directly from Luxco Spirits. 750ML for $12.99
Jose Cuervo Especial (Gold) 40% 96 calories per 1.5 oz Score: A+ 99.26% 0.00 Calorie info directly from a Jose Cuervo Consumer Representative $22.99 for 1.75L
Jose Cuervo Especial (Silver) 40% 96 calories per 1.5 oz Score: A+ 99.26% 0.00 Calorie info directly from a Jose Cuervo Consumer Representative $22.99 for 1.75L
Crown Royal – Special Reserve 40% 96 calories per 1.5 oz Score: A+ 99.26% 0.00 Obtained directly from http://www.knowyourdiageodrink.com $22.49 for 750ml
Gordons – Dry Gin 40% 96 calories per 1.5 oz Score: A+ 99.26% 0.00 Info directly from knowyourdiegodrink.com $14.99 per 1.75L at BevMo

Now my summer of Long Island Iced Tea’s seems like a bad idea. This is the ultimate borderline alcoholic lazy man’s dream website. Whoever made this, know you now have a new best friend.

To get the full tour, visit http://getdrunknotfat.com/

– Ryan

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