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Alaska Wants to Secede Back to Russia – Bon Voyage You Ungrateful Frozen Igloo

SourceA petition on the White House website is calling for the state of Alaska to secede back to Russia.

It came only a week after Russian ambassador Vladmir Chizhov joked on TV about taking over the 49th state following speculation over Putin’s next move in Europe.

More than 30,000 people have signed the petition, Alaska back to Russia, which advocates a vote for secession of Alaska from the United States and joining Russia. 

It is not known whether the signatories are Alaskans wanting to secede or the rest of the US wanting to get rid of its state and its former governor Sarah Palin.

The petition needs to reach 100,000 signatures in 30 days before the White House has to act on it.

However, a Supreme Court ruling after the American Civil War makes unilateral secession unconstitutional.

Alaska was mentioned last week by Russian ambassador Chizhov on the BBC’s Andrew Marr Show

When Marr told the ambassador that US senator John McCain had warned Moldova could be next on Russia’s list, Chizhov replied: “Should I tell Senator McCain to watch over Alaska?”

Marr said: “Well they’ve got Alaska already, it’s slightly different.”

“It used to be Russian,” Chizhov jeered.

“Oh, ha, it’s a very worrying thought,” Marr said. “You’re not moving into Alaska, I hope.”

To which Chizhov replied: “(Laughs) I’m joking, of course. Nobody has anything to fear from Russia.”

Palin had warned about Putin’s expansion ambitions for Ukraine in 2008.

She said: “After the Russian army invaded the nation of Georgia, Senator Obama’s reaction was one of moral indecision and equivalence, the kind of response that would only encourage Putin to invade Ukraine next.”

The state of Alaska was bought from Russia in 1867 for £7.2m and officially became part of the Union in 1959.

bill murray animated GIF

First off who wrote this article, The Doctah? Somebody tell Yahoo it’s ok to write in paragraphs. Secondly, if Alaska wants to succeed then I say we let them. I’m not trying to call Alaskans racist but they’re basically racist. We FINALLY get a black President and now all of a sudden you want to go back to Russia? Alaska is basically its own country anyway so I’m assuming they just heard the news that Obama is black. Can’t slip that past ole Ryan. All of a sudden we’re digging up documents from 1867 about how we purchased Alaska from Russia with a currency I can’t understand. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Let us keep the Keystone pipeline and you can have all the igloos and Sarah Palin you want. Pretty sure those are the only two things stupid enough to live in Alaska anyway.

– Ryan

P.S. If for some reason we have any fans in Alaska I want you to know this article isn’t about you.


Vladimir Putin Awarded Grandmaster Status in Taekwondo Even Though He Doesn’t Do Taekwondo

“Russian president Vladimir Putin has been  awarded the highest rank in taekwondo, giving him honorary grandmaster  status.

It means the president has attained a higher  ranking than former US martial artist Chuck Norris. The actor has an  eight-degree black belt, while Mr. Putin has a ninth-degree.

The president does not  practice taekwondo, but holds a black belt in Judo and has been awarded an  eighth Dan in the martial art by the International Judo Federation.”


Oh Putin doesn’t study taekwondo? He practices Judo? That’s adorable, now give him the 9th degree black belt and grandmaster status before he wrestles a bear and kicks your ass. If I ruled an entire country I’d probably pull off power moves like this too. Shoot bow and arrows shirtless. Get 9th degree black belts in something he doesn’t even practice. Your move, Chuck Norris.

– Ryan

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