Blog Archives

Sweet Moses Malone’s Afro – A Taco Bell Opening in Chicago Could Be The First Ever TBell With A Liquor License

Please God That Taco Bell planned for Wicker Park won’t be so run of the mill after all. Management’s applied for a liquor license, which would make it the first Bell in the world to serve alcohol with Doritos Locos Tacos and other menu items. A Yum! Brands spokeswoman added that The Bell’s also planning a “completely new urban restaurant design” for the Wicker Park space.

Taco Bell had considered selling alcohol at other locations in the past. There were plans to offer boozy milkshakes at U.S. Taco Co. — TB’s upscale concept in California that features lobster tacos and other premium items that no Fourth Meal eater has ever had at a regular Taco Bell — but those plans were postponed.

its happening animated GIF

We blow a lot of things out of proportion here at Average Nobodies. We put Bill Paxton on a Greek God-like pedestal, we love pretty much every movie or TV trailer that goes on YouTube and just are generally dangerously optimistic. With that said, this might be the best news in the history of the world. I’m glad they invented penicillin and I’m glad America won both World Wars but those things PALE IN COMPARISON to a Taco Bell that serves liquor. Taco Bell is the mecca, the be all and end all, but like most things, it would be exponentially better with booze. While some people may call us dreamers for thinking like that, we can now laugh at those people because it looks like Taco Bell selling booze is becoming a reality. It starts in Chicago, and it better makes it way to RI or I’ll drive to Chicago every god damn weekend just to visit this store. Don’t test me, Taco Bell.

– Ryan

Get Yo’ Butts Ready: Taco Bell Is Releasing ‘Diablo’ Hot Sauce Packets May 5th

Taco Bell isn’t just interested in the breakfast game, they want to take over the entire world. One of the best things about Taco Bell is their sauce packets, and starting May 5th for a limited time only Taco Bell will be releasing a new sauce, named ‘Diablo’. For those of you who don’t know their Spanish and have yet to discover Google, Diablo translated to English means ‘Devil’. While I don’t think Taco Bell would actually put the devil in a sauce packet, I’m assuming it’s going to be pretty spicy. I was going to go to Taco Bell on Cinco De Mayo anyway, and now I have a new sauce to try. I love you Taco Bell. Don’t ever change.

– Ryan


The First ‘Taco Bell’ Building Is In Danger Of Being Demolished & My Heart Is Gently Weeping

NOOOOThe building that housed the world’s first Taco Bell is under “imminent threat of demolition,” according to the Downey Conservancy, a Downey-based preservation group.

Although Downey is more famously recognized as the site of the oldest operating location for the world’s largest hamburger chain, it is Taco Bell that built its very first location within the city.  The building, located at 7112 Firestone Blvd, was opened by founder Glen Bell in March 1962.

Why did Taco Bell’s founder, and one of the most famous names in fast food, choose Downey?  According to the book, Taco Titan: The Glen Bell Story, “The location was in a growth area near a middle-class neighborhood, on a street with good traffic and numerous small businesses.”

For a number of years, the former Taco Bell building was the location of an independent fast food restaurant, Seafood and Tacos Raul.  This latter restaurant closed at the end of December, and the now-vacant building was subsequently fenced off.

“As there is no current plan for the building’s continued use, its status is considered to be endangered,” the Conservancy said.

You know what I did last night? I went to Taco Bell and got four soft shelled tacos and two chicken quesadillas and it was the happiest 11 minutes of my life. And now this, which is possibly the saddest moment of my life. I expected more from Downey, California. I really did. You can’t just let a national landmark go quietly into the night. You must rage, rage against the dying of the light. Did I just use a Dylan Thomas poem in a Taco Bell post? Yes I did, because desperate times call for desperate measures. And nothing is more desperate than the original Taco Bell building getting destroyed. Taco Bell 4 Life.

– Ryan

New York Taco Bell’s Are Giving Customers Fake Money Which Begs The Question – Would You Still Go To Taco Bell If They Were Giving You Fake Money?

TBOperators of two Taco Bells in upper Manhattan thought “outside the bun” by counterfeiting money and forcing underage workers to give fake $20 bills to customers as change, a lawsuit alleges.

Annette Cirino is filing a class-action lawsuit in Manhattan federal court on behalf of her 17-year-old daughter, alleging the teen reported the allegations to cops after being “manipulated” into distributing funny money while working behind the counter at both restaurants.

“The girl has been quite distraught since this happened,” said the family’s lawyer, Richard Garbarini, adding the suit will demand at least $5 million in real money damages.

He described the fake cash as “terrible” copies slightly smaller than real $20 bills, adding they were likely produced on a laser-jet printer then run through a dryer to make them appear used

I think I speak for Matt and myself when I say the answer to this question is yes. I would willingly go to Taco Bell knowing full well if I have change coming back to me it’s going to be fake. I don’t know who these customers are getting $20 bills back as change, but you’re doing something wrong. How much Taco Bell are you buying that warrants a $20 bill as change? Also, debit cards, ever heard of them? You don’t get any change back and you still get to enjoy the natural wonder that is Taco Bell. If TB is smart, they’d run with this story. Invent Taco Bell Bucks, where customers come in and pay in actual cash, then get Taco Bell Bucks as change which can only be used to buy more Taco Bell. Hey Taco Bell, if you ever decide to do that, just know you have two hungry grown men willing to join the movement.

– Ryan

On May 5th I Slip Into a Diabetic Coma


Mountain Dew, you are not doing your loyal fans any favors by releasing this sans Taco Bell. Easily one of the greatest liquids to ever touch my lips, Baja Blast is only kept under control by the fact that Taco Bell limits its consumption. However, on May 5th Mountain Dew releasees this tasty carbonated treat to the public*. Do you know what this will be like? It will be like blowing up the hoover dam.  This is how the world ends, Mountain Dew releases a new bottled soda. God help the USA if they have 2 liter bottles.


*People who don’t eat Taco Bell**

**Satan and Chalres Manson

On May 5th I will be on my comfy couch, enjoying a bottle of Baja Blast, and watching the new season of “Louie”. Game, set, match.

Is it Weird this Makes Me Hungry

So this kid gets fired from Taco Bell for licking a bunch of hard taco shells.  There is so many things wrong with this picture, but his tongue on those shells isn’t one of them.

  1. Dude, if you’re going on a licking spree in your place of business don’t post that shit to Facebook.  That’s rookie fundamentals right there.
  2. Everyone knows licking isn’t nearly as shocking as hacking up a lung into say…the sour cream.  Work up a good loogie and let that shit fly!
  3. Taco Bell is supposedly having an “investigation” regarding the matter.  Really? It seems like a pretty open and shut case to me, but i’m no investigator. (This kid better have an airtight alibi)
  4. Who really gives a sweet shit?! Everyone knows you get soft tacos when you ride through for fourth meal.


P.S. If that kid happen to be licking Doritos Loco taco shells there would be no place on Earth he could hide from my wrath.  You don’t mess with the loco.

%d bloggers like this: