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China Says Sprite is the Best Hangover Cure. In Unrelated News I Just Bought a Lifetime Supply of Sprite

(Source) “Most of us are familiar with the pounding headaches, drowsiness, stomach-turning nausea and “did-I-get-run-over-by-a-bus” sensation that comes with that most dreaded of morning-after ailments: the hangover.

To alleviate the suffering, chugging coffee, downing Advil or simply choosing to forego the wretched day altogether by returning to bed sometimes does the trick. But what if there were a miracle elixir that could chase that hangover cloud away — and better still, what if that magic drink were something you could easily pick up at your local supermarket?

A group of Chinese researchers say that they may have indeed found this perfect hangover cure — and it goes by the name of “Sprite.”

After examining 57 beverages in a lab, researcher Hua-Bin Li and his colleagues at Sun Yat-Sen University in Guangzhou determined that Sprite was one of the drinks that best relieved hangover symptoms.

The team of scientists had hypothesized that what you consume after drinking booze could alter the effect of alcohol on your body. Specifically, they theorized that certain drinks could impact the body’s metabolism of alcohol in a way that would help alleviate hangover symptoms.”


This is an example of a story where no research is needed on my part. If China says sprite is the best hangover cure then sprite is the best hangover cure. I don’t need to know the science behind it. I don’t need to know how many other soda’s were tested. China says jump, I say how high. My biggest worry used to be how I’d survive Saturday and Sunday morning without trying to hit myself in the head with a hammer. Now all I have to do is buy a case of sprite and drink until I feel better. I must say, I’m going to miss experimenting with different methods on weekend mornings to cure my hangover. I don’t care how much research you do, nothing cures a morning hangover quite like a delicious Bloody Mary.

– Ryan

P.S. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and I’ve figured out the group of people I hate the most. It’s the people who say “why don’t you don’t drink less if you don’t like being hungover?”. Why don’t you shut your whorish mouth and let me live my life and complain.

Sierra Mist, The Gateway Soda

In the battle of soft drinks, one stands above the rest.  Atop this heap of “100%” juices, iced teas, sports drinks, and mango fusion fee-fee drinks a titan rises.  The drink I speak of is….actually, lets start this story somewhere else.

I’m out on the town, wearing my finest bow tie and slacks (I like to picture myself walking the streets of France wearing this, even though all I wear is basketball shorts and tee shirts) and I come across a local watering hole, maybe it’s Texas Road House, maybe it’s not (It is).  I am seated at my table, and who, but Kate Upton, comes to take my drink order (This is my story, and what I say, goes)!  After we swap numbers and spit she asks what I would like to drink.  At the time, I am in the mood for a clear soda, in which, Sprite, is the only way to go. I order my Sprite, and Katie responds with the mind numbing, “is Sierra Mist ok?”.  Alas! they only serve Pepsi products.  This puts a damper on my thirst quest.  No person in their right mind orders Sierra Mist, it’s the poor man’s Sprite, and when it comes to soft drinks I am no poor man.  But then it hits me! Pepsi products you say? In that case, I will have a MOUNTAIN DEW.  Mountain Dew, the clear number one choice in soft drinks. The Bonnie to my Clyde, the bacon to my eggs, and the soda for whom I beg.  Now, while I sit here and enjoy my Dew, I think of the one thing that made this all possible, Sierra Mist.  Thank you Sierra Mist, thank you for being so terrible.


P.S. The one exception to the rule is beer, if beer is on the menu that is what you drink.

Random quote of the day > “Fuck a mixtape!” -T.I.

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