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Life Lessons From Yoko Ono

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It’s Friday. Let’s get yoked

“@yokoono: In winter the snow protected us, covering our pain. Now I hear ice cracking slowly in my brain.”

– Yoko should probably get this checked out. I’m no doctor, but hearing ice cracking slowly in your brain seems like one of the final stages of psychosis. I hate to disagree with the wise one, but being covered in snow seems like it would do more harm than good. After awhile our organs would shut down and then we would pass away. You have over 4 million followers, Yoko. Get your shit together

“@yokoono: Walk until your body feels like dancing. Then dance. You will find that you no more have difficulty in sleeping at night.”

– All these foolish doctors wasting millions of dollars on insomnia research. All these insomniacs polluting their bodies with pills to help them sleep at night. Should’ve listened to Yoko. Can’t sleep? Step 1: walk until you feel like dancing. Step 2: dance. I guarantee you’ll get the best sleep of your life. But remember, this is a two step process. You can’t just walk until you feel like dancing and stop. You won’t sleep. You may be asking yourself: “self, what if I just start dancing without walking first?” Sorry charlie, get ready for a restless night.

Another week in the books, two more lessons learned from Yoko Ono. Her knowledge is just like the sky: endless.

– Ryan

P.S. With advice like this, she should change her name to Yoko OhNo! right? Right? I need a drink.

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Life Lessons From Yoko Ono

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It’s Friday. Let’s get yoked.

“@yokoono: I would like to see a sky vending machine on every corner of the street instead of the coke machine. We need more skies than coke.”

– Not a bad idea in theory. I’m just not quite sure what a sky vending machine would look like. And would it sell skies? How much does a sky cost? Is there more than one sky? Yoko has a lot of explaining to do.

“@yokoono: You can even assemble a painting with a person in the North Pole over a phone, like playing chess.”

– Yoko is really all over the place with this one. Personally I don’t know anyone who lives in the North Pole. Not exactly the most habitable place in the world. Just seems like a really inconvenient scenario. I’m assuming the North Pole has horrible cell phone service. What if you’re on a deadline? Not your best suggestion Yoko.

This week’s lessons: we need more sky vending machines, and if you’re attempting to paint a painting, make sure you get in touch with someone at the North Pole. Stay frosty and have a great weekend.

– Jim

Life Lessons From Yoko Ono

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It’s Friday. Let’s get Yoked.

“@yokoono: This is an invisible tree safe from somebody trying to cut it down.”

– Starting it off white hot. If there’s a type of person I hate in this world, it’s the large population of people trying to cut down invisible trees. Where do you get off trying to destroy these invisible trees? Don’t you know invisible animals rely on the shelter these invisible trees provide? Yoko always looking out for those in need, especially if they’re invisible. (The scariest part of this tweet: 400 RTs. Dangerously insane people)

“@yokoono: All of us will very soon be able to grow back every part of our body.”

– I can’t blame Yoko on this one. I mix up lizards and humans all the time. And who’s to say that some lizard man living  in the Amazon isn’t already running around naked regenerating limbs like some kind of sorcerer. I wouldn’t be surprised if Clooney could already do it. Oh my sweet Clooney

“@yokoono: I had a dream in which beautiful, pure stars, millions of them, were sparkling and filling a large, large space.”

– You don’t have to dream anymore Yoko! There is a sky, and millions of stars too! I have dreams about taking Jennifer Lawrence to nice seafood dinners, meanwhile Yoko over here is dreaming about stars in the sky. You tell me who the crazy one is.

Stay frosty.

– Ryan

Yoko Ono Continues to be Insane

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It’s Friday, and the Yokester continues to tweet her sweet little ass off. Lets explore the world of Twitter through the words of Yoko Ono.

@yokoono: All my life, I have been in love with the sky. Even when everything was falling apart around me, the sky was always there for me.

– nothing like a good sky tweet to start off your day. I really wanted to dissect this tweet and find some sort of hidden meaning, but I think some things just aren’t meant to be understood. Some people have family. Some people have friends. Yoko has the sky.

@yokoono: All of us will soon be able to stay alive for as long as we want to.

– oh Yoko. The ultimate optimist. She’s starting to sound like Ricky Bobby from Talladega Nights. Although I can’t say I’ll be surprised if she ends living to be 200 years old. Maybe having the sky as your only friend is some type of weird secret to longevity. All I know is she’s healthier at 80 than I am at 24.

P.S. @WeirdosTV: @yokoono I agree. I plan to live for 999 years. Like John, the number 9 has great significance for me.

– the insanity never stops when Yoko is involved. My question is how pissed would you be if you died at 999? If I’m sticking around that long I need to live to be 1,000. Need it more than anything I’ve accomplished in my 999 years on this and any other planet that I’m naturally king of. In my eyes I have to be king. I’m immortal. Unless I die at 999 and then I’m a failure. Holy shit did I digress. Anyway Yoko, WeirdosTV: keep bringing the crazy. And remember, the sky in need is a friend indeed. Have a great weekend.

-Ryan

The World According To Yoko

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Last Friday we explored the world of Twitter through the eyes of a dangerously insane human being: Yoko Ono. The beautiful thing about crazy people on twitter is that most of them don’t realize how crazy they actually are, so they continue to tweet incoherent nonsense. Yoko’s tweets are too awesome to pass up, so without further ado, welcome back to the world according to Yoko.

@yokoono: Lift your eyes again and look around you, and you will see that the sky doesn’t end just up there, it comes all the way down to the ground!

– hmmm. I feel like what she is trying to describe here is some type of horrible catastrophe. If I ever lift up my eyes and see the sky coming towards the ground I will be shitting my pants while trying to convince myself that its just a bad acid trip.

@yokoono: Wishing is more effective than waving flags. It works. It’s magic. Magic is simple. Magic is real.

I think Yoko has been spending too much time with Gob Bluth. And why are waving flags and magic our only two options? With all the advances in modern technology, I feel like we should have more options to solve world conflicts. Anyone? Bueller?

@yokoono: The earth we walk on is severed into pieces: continents and islands. But the sky is one!

– this one actually makes sense. You can call her crazy, but Yoko knows her geography. I can’t wait to see what kind of tweets shes planning for next week. Until then, stay cool and have a great weekend.

– Ryan

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