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People Are Actually Upset That Michael Phelps Didn’t Race An Actual Shark #SharkWeek

Michael Phelps, a shark and the race that never happened.

Yeah. I said it. Oh my god, there wasn’t an actual shark.  It was a scam.  Oh my.

Fans of Discovery’s Shark Week were thrilled when they learned Michael Phelps would be racing a great white shark on Phelps vs. Shark: Great Gold vs. Great White. The widely publicized race garnered lots of attention on social media and was a trending topic on Twitter.

Unfortunately for Discovery, most of the viewer feedback from the show was frustration. It seems that many viewers thought Phelps was going to literally race a great white shark. But the behavioral ecologist leading the experiment, Dr. Tristan Guttridge, disappointed thousands when he said, “Clearly, we can’t put Michael in one lane and a white shark on the far lane. We have to do simulation.” – Yahoo

The world reacting to our collective stupidity

But look on the bright side, off the marketing and viewing alone, Michael Phelps and the producers made a pretty penny.  Think about it, he only has to get you to watch the show, not to like it. He did what he had to do. And he did it well. For that Michael Phelps, we salute you.  I didn’t watch it. I don’t care to. You didn’t get me, Michael Phelps.

Michael Phelps will never be on another Shark Week. That’s ok, his career is over, and he has enough Olympic money to pay for him and 1,000 simulated sharks to drink pina coladas on the beach all day. And if he ever goes broke, he can sell the Olympic Gold. Savage, I know. But like I said, he does what he has to do when he has to do it.

My Nobodies (I capitalize you like the Gods you are), do you think you think Michael Phelps would beat a real shark?  Odds are that as soon as that shark bumped into the wall, he would freak the fuck out and not continue.  Hence why there was a simulation.  So don’t be mad.  Be glad he’s not dead.  Oh and be glad that one day you too may have the power to buy his Olympic Gold.

~The Doctah~


This Australian Guy Is Playing Tug Of War With A SHARK Like It’s No Big Deal

This man.  Show no fear, for fear shall get you killed.  This guy was pissed that the shark had it’s net, and he showed him.  There was no way that a shark was fucking with this guy today, or it seems, any day for that matter. Australians are a different breed, and I think a lot of that has to do with the insane animals they deal with on a daily basis. If I went fishing this afternoon I might run into some medium sized fish. Maybe a crab or a jellyfish. In Australia, you run into an enormous shark. If you’re not ready to fight a shark on a Friday afternoon, then you better get your ass out of the water in Australia.

On a ego system note, do you think the shark felt the pain?

~ The Doctah

Grand Theft Auto 5 Gets Mythbusted!

Just incase anyone was wondering, you can knife a shark and kill it, while swimming, in GTA 5. That’s all I needed to hear, now i’m going to go home and try to kill a shark with a tiny blade for 6 hours.


Check out Defend The House’s YouTube page for more great video game videos. 

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