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Someone Please Put Kevin Love Under Suicide Watch

It’s alright big guy I have a solution for ya. Dump that sad excuse for a team and come on over to Boston. The Celtics, and Boston, would welcome you with open arms. We can give you the medicine you need…a title shot.

-Matt

PS- Minnesota can have Humphries. Nobody likes Humphries.

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Paul Walker, We Barely Knew You

There isn’t anything that can be said here that hasn’t been said already. Paul is gone too soon and will be sorely missed by his family, friends, and fans.

Am I said about his passing?……..

Yes, very much.

-MattyV

PS- My fantasy football season is dedicated to him.

Jerry Moon Pulls The Ol’ Switch-a-roo

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When Jerry Moon’s family opened his casket at a memorial service on Monday to say their final goodbyes, they found a stranger in his place.

Moon, 72, died around the same time as a 97-year-old man who had been in living in the same hospice care facility in Washington state. Sadly, an apparent mix-up at the funeral home ended with a stranger in Moon’s casket, and Moon cremated against his wishes. -HuffPost

Let me tell you something right now. Something the moon family doesn’t want to hear or believe. Jerry Moon isn’t dead. No way and far from it. This right here is something I have been trying to perfect for years but could never pull off, the ol’ switch-a-roo. Fakes his death, suffocates old man river down the hall from him and stuffs him in his casket. “But he was cremated”, you shout! Yeah, right. Jerry just pulled the perfect stunt right in front of your eyes. Jerry Moon is definitely in the bahamas somewhere living out the rest of his life being fanned by beautiful women and drinking beer by the case.

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-MattyV

PS- I’m naming my son Jerry Moon Vieira. Power name right thurrrr

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