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California Chrome Lost the Triple Crown on Saturday Then His Owner Lost His Goddamn Mind

COWARDSHe also made a questionable analogy of why Tonalist’s participation Saturday was unfair.

“These people nominate their horses for the Triple Crown and then they hold out two [races] and then come back and run one,” Coburn told ESPN. “That would be like me at 6-2 playing basketball with a kid in a wheelchair. They haven’t done anything with their horses in the Triple Crown. There were three horses in this race that ran in the first two — California Chrome, Ride on Curlin and General a Rod — none of the other horses did.  You figure out. You ask yourself, ‘Would it be fair if I played basketball with a child in a wheel chair?”

Coburn made the analogy in both interviews Sunday morning. He was asked in the “Good Morning America interview” if he considered the comparison offensive.

“No, I’m just trying to compare the two,” he said. “Is it fair for me to play with this child in a wheelchair? Is it fair for them to hold their horses back?”

Coburn said he has no problems if people label him a “sore loser” and even proceeded to give out his phone number so people can call him with their complaints.

 

So this is one way to lose the Triple Crown. Call the horse who won the race, fair and square might I add, a coward, then compare the loss to you, a grown man, playing basketball against a kid in a wheelchair. Interesting analogy. I also love that he had to actually ask the question: “would it be fair if I played basketball with a child in a wheel chair?” Probably not, Steve. Also if you own a horse you should probably be OK with the rules of horseracing. If he came out with this rant before the Belmont race I would respect him a little bit more, because he just doesn’t agree with the rules. But saying this after the race just makes you look like a pissy pants sore loser. Above all else, I really hope this loss helps Steve Coburn work on his analogy game. Never compare yourself to handicapped children. It’s not a good look.

– Ryan

P.S. When did Wilfred Brimley start owning horses?

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Donald Sterling’s New ‘Horny’ Defense Story is the Worst Defense Story Ever

DummyThe latest defense from Donald Sterling: I’m not a racist, I’m just horny.

The Los Angeles Clippers owners, barred from life from the NBA over his racist remarks about African-Americans, says his mind was warped by lust during his now-infamous taped conversation.

“You know, if you were trying to have sex with a girl, and you don’t think anybody’s there, you might say anything in the world,” Sterling explained in a two-minute recorded conversation obtained by RadarOnline.com.

“You might say you have the biggest penis in the world,” the 80-year-old billionaire real estate mogul continued. “I would have said I could fly over high-rise buildings if I had to.”

Sterling said he was jealous of the younger black men who accompanied his 31-year-old girlfriend V. Stiviano to Clippers games

“What the hell, I’m talking to a girl,” Sterling said. “The girl’s black. I like her. I’m jealous that she’s with other black guys. I want her … Can I, in private, tell her I don’t want her to be with anybody?

“Am I person? Do I have any freedom of speech?”

Sterling specifically objected to Stiviano’s Instagram posting of a photo with Magic Johnson — and he complained that the Hall of Famer should be more sympathetic to his situation.

“I wish Magic Johnson was talking to a girl, and he’s trying to play with her,” Sterling said. “You might say anything.

Sterling ended the conversation by clumsily invoking a black woman who’s apparently an employee.

“I have a girl here who has black kids, and is partly black, I think,” he said. “I love the girl. And so she’s telling me ‘You’re wrong.’

Oh Really?

I have a serious question: is Donald Sterling mentally retarded? I’m not trying to make fun of him, I just want to know, because if he is I’ll stop writing posts about him. But if he isn’t, then he really needs to fire his publicist or hire a publicist because he has negative infinity common sense. So anytime Donald Sterling wants to have sex with a girl, he pulls the racist card. Just starts running down black people. Does that work? Personally if I want to have sex with a girl I break out the dance moves, then they run away, and I go home alone. Maybe I should start being a racist. I’m sure that really charms the pants off a girl. In a way I want this whole thing to just end but I also want to hear more reasoning from Donald. He’s pure racist gold.

– Ryan

 

Why The Average Nobodies Buying the LA Clippers is Good For the NBA, America

Now that Donald Sterling is banned from the NBA for life and will most likely have to sell the team, a lot of celebrities have chimed in on why THEY should buy the LA Clippers. Floyd Mayerweather, Oprah, Dr. Dre, Larry Ellison, Frankie Muniz; pretty much everyone is trying to get in while the getting’s good. What do these people have that we don’t have? Money? Power? Fame? Respect? The answer to all of those questions are yes (except for Frankie Muniz’s fame), but we don’t care about any of those things. Why? Because we have a plan. A plan that we created a few hours ago that will change the NBA forever. We’ve narrowed our plan down to 6 key points:

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1. We’d bring back theme nights ala Jackie Moon with the Flint Tropics. Rotissserie chicken night. Glow in the dark night. Authenitc jersey on a pole night. If there’s one thing we don’t lack, it’s imagination. Would these theme nights translate well into reality? Who cares, as long as it gets butts in the seats. Also, we’re not horrible racists.

2. We’d play in some of the games. Admittedly this kind of a selfish point, but if we own an NBA franchise there is a 100% chance that we will make the active roster at some point during our tenure.  To be honest, we think that’s what the game is lacking. Yeah it’s fun watching these gargantuan athletes dunk the ball all the time but what about some real, old fashioned basketball? Pick and rolls, layups, high shorts. Bring a little old school charm back to the league. Also, we’re not horrible racists.

3. We have no shortage of new team names and mascots. The Clipper’s ship has sailed (see what I did there?). It’s time for this LA franchise to take on a new identity, and we have the perfect suggestions for a town of this magnitude. Who wouldn’t love to see the LA Traffic Jams storming the court? I can see the posters now: “Tonight the Traffic Jams look to put the Heat in Park!” BOOM. Marketing 101. Also, we’re not horrible racists.

4. We would write story lines into every game. Kind of like professional wrestling……actually, exactly like professional wrestling. I’m talking tables, chairs, bra and panty matches (cheerleaders not players),  hell, fire, brimstone, and barbed wire. Our first act as owners would be to get Jim Ross and Joey Styles to do commentary. MAH GOD IT’S BLAKE GRIFFIN! Also, we’re not horrible racists.

5. We would get heavy hitting names to sing the national anthem. I’m sick of watching basketball games with Harry from Tempe, Arizona or Janette from Shrewsbury singing the national anthem. I want big time solo artists or bands on that parque floor. It’s the national anthem! Having all these nobodies (no pun intended) butcher it every home game and making it lose it’s prestige. The first night we take over, Huey Lewis and The News will be singing the national anthem. Beat that, Oprah. Also, we’re not horrible racists.

6. Also, we’re not horrible racists. Self explanatory.

Come on, who wouldn’t us owning a NBA team?! We already have famous friends and that’s pretty much half of owning a pro sports team.

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-The Average Nobodies

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