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If I Took One Look at Robert Short I Could’ve Told You He’d Be a Terrible Bank Robber

Dope“An Oregon police affidavit says a robber at the Home Federal Bank two weeks ago demanded money by giving the teller a note written on the back of a grocery receipt.

It was only part of the receipt, Bend Detective Jeff Frickey said in the affidavit, but it had the last four digits of a food stamp account and the account balance — enough to get investigators going.

State records provided a name to go with the account number, the Bend Bulletin reported, and an online search of the name turned up a pawn shop transaction with a telephone number.

A service provider then came up with the coordinates of the phone, the Stillwater Campground in Central Oregon.

That, the affidavit said, is where 54-year-old Robert Short was arrested on theft and robbery charges.

At an interview afterward, Frickey’s affidavit said, Short denied the charges, saying he never keeps receipts and would have thrown it in the trash, where anyone could have picked it up.

He also said that a hitchhiker must have stolen a black stocking cap that police kept as evidence after it was knocked off when the robber and a bank client struggled during the April 24 holdup, the affidavit said.

Police told Short his DNA was on the cap.

A plea hearing is scheduled May 27.

Short was held without bail at the Deschutes County Jail. It could not be determined immediately Wednesday whether he has a lawyer.”

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This isn’t meant to sound braggy, but I could’ve told you Robert Short would be a terrible bank robber. He looks like someone who would be in a slideshow of dumb criminals. Situations like these always baffle me. Obviously the guy isn’t doing so good. He looks like shit, he’s on food stamps; not his finest hour. But would it kill him to find a blank peice of paper, or any peice of paper that doesn’t have his personal account information on it? Bank robbing 101: don’t leave any trace evidence behind, especially something like a grocery receipt with a food stamp account number on it that the police can trace back to you in 4 seconds. It looked like Short put up a good fight though. He strikes me as someone who wouldn’t keep his receipts, and although the hitchhiker story seems kind of farfetched, it could work. Then the police just drop the hammer on him. DNA was on the cap. I imagine this is when he just wished he was dead. Game over Robert. Next time don’t use your personal grocery receipt as a robbery note.

– Ryan

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Oregon Football Coach Fired For Planning Awards Dinner at Hooters

(Source) “An Oregon middle school football coach has  been fired after he planned an end-of-season team party for his  12-to-14-year-old players at Hooters and dogmatically refused to change the  location, insisting ‘it’s not a strip club.’

Coach Randy Burbach, from Corbett Middle  School, organized the awards night at Jantzen Beach Hooters in the Portland  area, but the choice of location quickly sparked outrage in the community. 

The Hooters brand is known for waitresses in  skimpy uniforms, and the Facebook page for the Jantzen Beach restaurant is  plastered with big-breasted, bikini-clad women.”

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I have a problem with this story. Do you automatically become dumber as soon as you become a parent, because it seems like the people of Oregon forgot what year we live in. It’s 2013. If Hooters is near the top of your list of things you don’t want your 12-14 year old son to experience then you need a giant reality check. Watch any show on cable TV after 8 oclock and you’ll see women exposing more skin than a Hooters waitress. Play Grand Theft Auto and beat up some prostitutes for fun. I’d say that’s a tad worse than staring at some boobs while eating chicken wings. Our entire society is inappropriate. Between the morbidity of the news and the freedom of the internet, teenage kids have unlimited opportunities to experience things they probably shouldn’t be experiencing. Staring at a waitresses hooters should be the least our worries. Randy Burbach shouldn’t have been fired; he should be celebrated. These kids deserve to eat chicken wings, drink soda and bask in the glory of the almighty Hooter’s waitresses.

– Ryan

A Look Inside The Oregon Duck’s New 68-Mil Facility

Chip Kelly is going to want his old job back.

1 copy 2 copy 3 copy 4 copy 6 copy 7 copy 8 copy 9 copy 10 copy 12 copy

-MattyV

PS- This puts Bama’s 9-mil facility to shame! Makes them look like broke hillbillys.

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