Every so often something comes along that is beyond words. Sharknado 2 is that thing. You’d think sharks wrapped up in a tornado would be the craziest thing in a movie but NOPE. How about Andy Dick as a cop, or Mark fucking McGrath as the first guy you call on when you have a sharknado? I can’t wait for July 30th.
Sharknado had everything a great movie consists of: sharks, tornados, the dad from Home Alone and Tara Reid. When you’re building a movie, those are the four ingredients you need to ensure success, and Sharknado pulled it off. So much so that a sequel was made, and judging by the teaser trailer, it’s going to be amazing. They’ve added chainsaws, Mark McGrath and Kurt fucking Angle. Casablanca, prepare to be dethroned.
I’m a big fan of Boyce Avenue (even though they ignored the 1000 or so requests Matt and I made for them to cover ‘Country Roads’). There’s something about the simplicity of their songs that makes them that much better than any other cover artists. Their cover of ‘Story of my Life’ is no different. A piano, guitar, tambourine and two sweet, angelic voices. Gets me every time.
Ever since One Direction were the musical guests on SNL I think they’ve been stalking me. At first I didn’t mind because “story of my life” is a pretty good song. It’s actually better than most of the stuff on the radio right now. As much as I love listening to the same song on repeat, ‘story of my life’ is starting to haunt my dreams. I hear it before work, on lunch, after work, the weekends. I put on a random Pandora station and it pops up out of the goddamn blue. What I long feared to be true is actually happening: One Direction is stealing my soul and I’m powerless to stop them. That’s the story of my life.
Paul Rudd is the host and One Direction are the musical guests this week. I’ve been looking forward to this show since Rudd was announced as host, so lets see if he can deliver. With it being 18 days until Christmas, will we see other Anchorman cast members make cameo appearances!? A boy can dream. Let’s get to the highlights..
COLD OPEN – The Sound of Music
I had a feeling this was coming after the monster success of the live broadcast. Kristen Wiig is here! I’m impartial to alumni cast members, but any time Dooneese is inserted into a sketch I’m in. Taran Killam and Kate McKinnon also killed in this sketch. Fred Armisen! Gilly and Lawrence Welk do the honors and we are off to a fantastic start!
Paul Rudd Opening Monologue (Not available due to copyright issues)
Paul and One Direction, who have an interesting array of haircuts. Paul Rudd’s man band is…Will Ferrell, David Koechner and Steve Carell. Jesus Christ. Steve Carell pulls of the beard exquisitely, and 9 Direction singing “afternoon delight” is great. The rest of this episode could be an hour and 20 minutes of a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin getting it on and I’d be happy.
Al Sharpton – Politics Nation
Luckily, it is not. Along with Steve Harvey, Al Sharpton is Keenan’s best impression. I could listen to him mispronounce words all day. He still doesn’t understand twitter, and we love him for it.
One Direction – Biggest Fan
Dan Charles is One Direction’s biggest fan. Dan Charles is a grown man. Paul Rudd + Child fans of One Direction = gold. Paul Rudd has the Justin Timberlake gene: he could easily be a cast member any day of the week.
Eight words: glitter shoes and dress shirt with no tie. That is the sign of a psychopath, Harry Styles. One Direction is staring into my soul, yet I’m OK with it. I want to look away but I can’t. BTW, turtlenecks are making a comeback, and I’m not talking about the animal.
Jacob. Vanessa Bayer plays a young Jewish boy hauntingly well. Jebidiah Atkinson. If this is the next recurring character then SNL is smarter than I thought. This time he’s reviewing Christmas specials. “Charlie Brown, there’s a pube on your forehead.” Rudolph, Frosty, It’s A Wonderful Life. No Christmas movie/special is safe from the wrath of Jebidiah.
Statue of David
Paul Rudd plays the man the famous statue was based on. And boy does he have a small penis. Always a bonus when Bobby Moynihan sports a fake beard.
Little throwback to the old Bill Brasky sketches Will Ferrel and David used to star in. It’s fitting that Ferrel and Koechner are in it as well. This is like an insane game of one upmanship. Taran Killam fits in amazingly well in this sketch, shows how good he really is. Great cap to a great episode.
I was excited for Paul Rudd to host, and he did not disappoint. One Direction did a solid job in what little screen time they had. I’m convinced they’re single handedly starting a turtleneck revolution. I’d have to say this is close to one of the best episodes of the season, with Lady Gaga’s still barely holding that top spot. Next week, I’ll be in NY for John Goodman and Kings of Leon. I anticipate John Goodman and I becoming the best of friends.
A Bronx Tale
While I always go with Clooney in pretty much any hypothetical situation, I had to switch things up for this monster blog. Before Tony Soprano landed on our TV sets, there was Sonny. Sonny was a mobster, and Sonny was cool. A Bronx Tale, for those who haven’t seen it, follows C, a young Bronx boy who has to decide between a life of crime with mobster Sonny or follow in his father’s footsteps and make an honest living. The icing on the cake? Bobby De Niro stars as C’s father, and he directs the movie. Watch this movie and tell me it doesn’t have the greatest soundtrack of all-time. I DARE YOU. Also, it provides us with one of the greatest quotes in movie history: “the saddest thing in life is wasted talent”.
NO question in my mind. This was probably the easiest choice I have ever made. Affleck, Willis, Tyler, Wilson, Duncan (RIP), Thornton, Buscemi, fitchner…and the list goes on! Star studded cast? Check! Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck saving mankind? Check! Romantic love story? Check! Uber emotional ending that I don’t cry at every time? Check! On my death bed i’m going to rip my hospital tag off my wrist and scream “GIVE THIS TO TRUMAN! MAKE SURE TRUMAN GETS THAT!”
What movie would you watch? Comment below!
Mary J. Blige Singing the National Anthem at the World Series is the Most Underwhelming News Story of the Century
(Source) “Major League Baseball better get ready for a world-class performance!
Yahoo Music can exclusively reveal that Mary J. Blige has been tapped to sing the national anthem at Game 1 of the 2013 World Series on Wednesday, when the Boston Red Sox and St. Louis Cardinals take the field at Fenway Park.
“It is an honor to have the opportunity to perform the National Anthem,” Blige, who has sold more than 50 million records, including eight multiplatinum albums, nine Grammy Awards (plus 29 nominations) and four American Music Awards, dished. “I’ve conducted countless performances across the globe throughout my illustrious career, but performing the anthem at Yankees Stadium during the 2009 World Series was beyond a thrill, and so I’m looking forward to again being a part of baseball’s great history.”
While she’s clearly a fan of America’s favorite pastime, Blige has also been busy working on a grandslam of her own: her new holiday album, “A Mary Christmas,” which she released October 15.
Baseball fans are surely in for a treat since Blige is known for belting out powerhouse performances. We’re sure she’ll knock this one right outta the park. The question is: will she be rooting for the Sox or the Cardinals?
The 2013 MLB World Series airs on Fox, with Game 1 launching at 7:30 p.m. ET.”
I don’t hate Mary J. I actually think she’s great, but I don’t want her singing the national anthem at Fenway for game 1. Would it be so hard for the Sox to get a singer/ band who’s actually from Boston to perform? Aerosmith, James Taylor, Dropkick Murphys are just a few names that come to mind. Instead they go with a native New Yorker and longtime Yankee fan. Smart move. I really think we should all stop kidding ourselves and get George Michael a one way flight to Boston and get the entire stadium sobbing uncontrollably.
Most days you can find yourself juggling a million things in your head and still somehow be able to function. But, then there are THOSE days, the days where one thing is on your mind, and that one thing occupies every space and corner of your being. No matter what else might be floating around up there, you have a permanent, numbing, filter over your senses. Moving around the office on autopilot is an understatement; you are more like a unguided bumper car moving from object to object interacting as little as you can, just to get to the next destination. Your day is filled with aimless staring, lots of head scratching and walking with your head down.
I have had many days like this, and through my experience I have developed a way to find clarity in these trying times. Feeling overwhelmed? Take a minute and remind yourself that things could be a lot worse. Feeling out of control? Do things that make you feel in control; make a work list and check off the items with a big black permanent marker. Show your work who’s boss. Still can’t shake the feeling? Take some time to yourself, lay on your bed and listen to some music. The key to this is using headphones. You want to make your world seem as small as possible.
These are things that work for me, they may be different for you. Take and modify tactics to make them work for you. But, whatever your solution, know that these are the types of days to pay special attention to. Maybe days like these are triggered by something, and maybe that something can be fixed with a long overdue change. Make the change.