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Monster Blog Wednesday: Favorite Minor League Baseball Team Names

The NBA and NHL playoffs are dominating the news waves right now, but soon enough baseball will be the only professional sport playing. While most MLB team names are boring, minor league baseball team names are out of this world entertaining. While we may not know any of the players, that isn’t going to stop us from admiring some of those sweet ass names.

Lehigh Valley Ironpigs

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Anytime your team logo is a pig with a human body swinging a baseball bat and wearing metal cleats you have to root for them. That’s not just true for this monster blog, that’s a life rule. I might be going out on a limb here but the Ironpigs have to be the pride and joy of Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania. What else is there to do in Lehigh Valley anyway? I think there’s a winery close by? Maybe some ice cream shops? Rhode Island isn’t exactly the most exciting place in the world but at least we’re 30 minutes from the ocean at all times. If you get too bored you can just grab a 12er and drink some beers on the beach. But Lehigh has the Ironpigs. Ultimate trump card. Can’t wait to catch a few games this year*.

– Ryan

*Never talk about them again.

The Akron RubberDucks

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Is this even a question? While scrolling through minor league teams on Wikipedia last night I didn’t even need to go past the first few to know that the Akron RubberDucks were the best team on the list. Let’s be honest here I don’t think there is much going on in Akron Ohio, so these guys must be celebrities to their hometown fans. People can’t keep their hands off the RubberDuckies. Poise, posture, and charm like you read about.

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Look at these guys, just hanging out and having a good time. I’m not sure any AA team needs this many jerseys, but I would never hold it against them. Some teams have style, the RubberDucks have style.

-Matt

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Hey Kanye, Chief Oliver Isn’t Impressed

– via Facebook

Dear Kanye West,

I am honored to be writing such an important star. I am a mere Internet sensation. I’m not sure I am worthy to address you, although the Huffington Post did say I was “Humorous and Insanely Popular.” I don’t pay much attention to those things. Anyway, please excuse my interference in your life for a quick second.

I read your interview and also watched it on video. You said:
“I’m just giving of my body on the stage and putting my life at risk, literally.….and I think about it. I think about my family and I’m like, wow, this is like being a police officer or something, in war or something.”

I want to thank you for putting your life on the line for all of us every day. I know that being a rapper is tough work. I have tried to rap, and it is very difficult to keep up with the pulse of the rhyme flow…although when Ice Ice Baby comes on the radio, I can usually keep up with ol’ Vanilla. Anywho, your job is just some very dangerous work. Most people don’t consider… if you rap really fast, without a chance to inhale, you could pass out and hit your head.

That last paragraph was covered in sarcasm. I’m letting you know, just so you do not think I agree with your very ignorant assessment of your career (or any other performer)as it relates to a person in the military or a police officer’s service. You sir, are as misguided as they come. I do have a suggestion for you. Since you are accustomed to danger, from your life as an international rapper, I am strongly encouraging you immediately abandon you career as a super star and join the military. After joining, I would like you to volunteer to be deployed in Afghanistan or one of the numerous other forward locations where our men an women are currently serving. When the Taliban starts shooting at you, perhaps you could stand up and let the words flow. It could be something like “I’m Kanye West, wearing a flak vest.” I’m sure they would just drop weapons and surrender. You could quite possibly end all wars, just from the enemy being star-struck.

Your line of thinking is part of the problem in the world today….which include entertainers thinking they are something more than just entertainers. I know it is supply and demand and the demand for your services is high. I get economics. What I do not get is you EVER comparing what you do for a living to our heroic military members, who are always in harm’s way… and my brother and sister police officers who have to go to work carrying weapons and wearing a bullet-proof vest to protect themselves.

Check yourself, before you wreck yourself….Chief Oliver.

cheif

Hey Kanye, Chief Oliver isn’t impressed with your interview. But the world is impressed with you, Chief Oliver. Because this is the best thing I’ve ever read. Ever. I’m not sure anything else comes close. I might move to Brimfield, Ohio and steal a car just so I meet the Chief. There are so many great parts to this post. Chief Oliver might not be able to rap like you Kanye, but he can sing along to Ol’ Vanilla with the best of them. I’m glad the Chief gets serious towards the end, because he’s absolutely right. Celebrities are surrounded by so many “yes men/women” that they really think they’re the most important people in the world. Here’s a reality check: we watch your movies, or listen to your songs because you’re talented enough to be the very best at what you do. That’s it. You put on a front for a living. And you’re very good at it. No more, no less. When people like Kanye think they’re more essential to this Earth than someone like Chief Oliver, or any military serviceman or servicewoman, that’s when we have to take a step back and really think about who we choose as our heroes. Kanye West is not a hero. He’s a guy who just so happens to sing some songs. In the words of the almighty Chief: check yourself, before you wreck yourself, Kanye.

– Ryan

Ohio State Is Apparently The Breeding Grounds For Morons

“A group of students who became convinced they  were living in a haunted house, were given an even bigger fright when they  discovered their ‘ghost’ was actually a man secretly living in their  basement.

The Ohio State University students had been  spooked by strange noises in the night and mysterious happenings like coming  home to find cupboard and oven doors open.

But after a thorough search of the building,  they discovered a secret room in the basement behind a door which they had  previously thought was just a maintenance cupboard.” For the full article, click here

Secret room: Ohio State University students who thought their house was haunted were gobsmacked to discover this hidden bedroom in their basement

Spooked: Students Brett Mugglin (left) and Mark Harman (right) had been convinced the house was haunted but say they bear no hard feelings towards their mystery housemate

Nobody is going to mistake these guys for detectives. Why does it look our oven has been used and why are our cupboards open? It’s got to be a ghost. Has to be. Literally no other logical explanation. Don’t even bother checking it out, or looking in a room that no one has ever been in. Couldn’t possibly be anyone there with a head, body and opposable thumbs capable of using all our shit. Let’s just stick with the ghost story and drink some more beers.

– Ryan

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