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Trailer Alert – Mother!

Last Monday we wrote about the teaser trailer for Mother!, the newest film from Darren Aronofsky starring Jennifer Lawrence & Javier Bardem. 8 days later we’re gifted with a full trailer and shit. is. going. down. I’m a huge fan of Aronofsky’s work, especially The Wrestler & Black Swan, and Mother! certainly teeters towards the Black Swan end of the scale. Is Jennifer Lawrence losing her mind or is her husband and these strangers he’s inviting into their home tormenting her? I don’t have the slightest clue, but I’ll watching this through my fingers to find out. Mother! premieres September 15th.

-Ryan

P.S. This film isn’t rated yet, but if they want an accurate rating they should rate it SYP (shit your pants).

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Amidst The Chaos In Baltimore, One Mom Took A Stand & Tried To Stop Her Son From Rioting

With all the insanity happening in Baltimore, video emerged of what has been labeled a mother smacking the shit out of her soon for joining in on the riots. It’s good to see a mother trying to talk some sense into her son, but at this point, I can’t imagine this is how the majority of people feel. Whether you support the cops or the community, rioting and burning down buildings is obviously never the answer. But at this point, what is the answer? How many times can people see someone get killed by the police before they snap? This video is a glimmer of hope in an otherwise really awful situation, and if the police killings keep happening, I don’t expect it to stop. The most worrying part about all of this is the lack of leadership from the people elected to keep the community safe. I knew politicians were useless, but when things like this happen, it really makes you wonder what the people in charge are made of. Right now, they’re failing in every possible way.

– Ryan

Baria Alamuddin is Certifiably Insane

CLOONEYAmal Alamuddin’s mom doesn’t approve.

George Clooney’s fiancée reportedly didn’t get her mother’s blessing to marry the Hollywood hunk, according to the Daily Mail.

Baria Alamuddin, an editor for Arab newspaper Al Hayat, supposedly wished for her daughter to marry within the family’s strict Lebanese religious sect, close family friends told the gossip site.

Coming from the Druze sect, her family’s beliefs forbid her to marry outsiders, which often results in excommunication and a social boycott.

“You would think Amal has hit the jackpot with George Clooney, but Baria is not happy,” a friend of the family said.

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What is this lady’s problem? Her daughter is about to marry the best guy in the whole wide world and she’s upset? I don’t get it. Isn’t the whole goal of parenting to make sure your children have a better life than you? Well it seems to me that Amal has a pretty sweet life. Not only is she a respected lawyer and activist, but she’s engaged to the coolest guy in the goddamn universe. I didn’t want to pull this card but this is obvious jealously on Baria’s part. She’s finally starting to realize her age and how she’ll never get a man like Clooney. I get it. I’m in the same boat. But she needs to suck it up and be happy for her daughter. She’s about to join American royalty.

– Ryan

It’s Leo’s World. We Should Just Be Happy to Be Along For the Ride

Date night: Leonardo walked the red carpet with his mother Irmelin

Smitten: The pair have been dating since May last year, and appear more smitten than ever

Catwalk queen: It's not hard to see what Leonardo first saw in statuesque blonde Toni

Nobody does an award show like Leo. First he takes his mother, so every woman within 100 mile radius is already swooning. Then he wins the best actor award (yawn). Just when you think his night is over, he goes to the after party and starts smooching with his 21 year old supermodel girlfriend. If I didn’t have such a weird obsession with George Clooney I’d say Leonardo DiCaprio is taking over the world. Actually, who am I kidding. Leo IS taking over the world. One award and beautiful supermodel at a time.

– Ryan

H/T Dailymail

Martina Hingis is Kind of Insane

The husband of Martina Hingis claims the Swiss tennis player, her mother and  her mother’s boyfriend beat him up.

French showjumper Thibault Hutin is currently waiting to divorce the Grand  Slam winner, but things took a turn for the violent on Monday when Hingis and  two members of her family attacked him.

“On  Monday evening, I was in our shared apartment when the doorbell rang. In the  course of a dispute, Martina and her mother Melanie Molitor pounced on me —  beating and scratching me. My upbringing forbids me to beat women,” he told  Swiss Newspaper Blick.

 “I resisted every effort but Mario Widmer, the partner of Melanie, struck me  in the head with a DVD player,” Hutin added.

The attack ended in the trio taking Hutin’s credit card and passport. Hutin  then called police and reported the “violent incident” claiming he had also  received threatening text messages.

He has since moved into a hotel and plans to return to Paris.”

“The policemen went back to the apartment with me and forced the three to  surrender my valuables,” Hutin is quoted as saying.

“They wanted to kill me. I’m shocked! I never thought it would go so  far.”

Hutin and Higins decided to separate after Hutin reportedly found her  cheating on him after one year of marriage and later a second time after he had  forgiven the first slip.

Martina Hingis Reportedly Beat Up Estranged Husband

Martina Hingis had us all fooled. World class tennis player. Darling human being. Not anymore. Apparently she recruits her family to beat up people that SHE cheats on. Slyly convincing her mother’s boyfriend to hit her husband over the head with DVD players, then steal his credit cards and passport. Those are the actions of a master manipulator. Or someone who has had a serious psychotic break. Poor Thibault must’ve felt like Austin Powers after he got hit with a shoe. Honestly, who hits someone over the head with a DVD player? Martina Hingis’s mothers boyfriend, that’s who.

– Ryan

Ouu Zee Double Team

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I like to consider myself a connoisseur, a connoisseur of the adult video variety, if you will.  This story is so hot on the webternet right now, it’s melting my screen (not at work).  It’s about these two broads, WHO HAPPEN TO BE MOTHER AND DAUGHTER, looking for a father son duo to star with them in their next scene.  Now, I’ve never laid my eyes on these two in action before, but from an amateur standpoint, they got some potential.  I mean they’re no Amia Miley or Lisa Ann, but they’ve got potential.

Regardless if they find their prince charmings or not, I, in quite a disturbing fashion, thought, “hm, I wonder if me and my old man threw out hats into the ring here”.   Now, to give you some background, I’m close to 6′ tall, 185 lbs of twisted steel and sex appeal, my dad is about 5′-9′, 300 lbs of corned beef and crooked teeth.  I’ve thought I may be a product of a mail man, but he and I aren’t, how you say, the same color.  But that’s neither here nor there.  If me and the white rhino got together with these two lovely ladies, there is no doubt in my mind we would put on a show that would make Scott Nails and Johnny Sins look a couple of chumps.  What we lack in size and endurance will be made up for ten fold with showmanship and charisma.

However, the big guy is spoken for and we come as a package (get it) deal.  I forgot to mention they go by the stage name of Sexxxton, pretty clever.  You can call us the Bern-Ohhhs.  Drink it in.

-Berno

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