Blog Archives

Junk Food, Fuel for Pro Athletes and Childhood Heroes

“Eat your veggies”, parents scream across America. “Eat your vegetables and you can be big and strong like _________” (insert pro athlete or personal hero here). But is that really the truth? Lets take a look back at my childhood (anyone who was an active child during the mid to late 90’s and 2000’s) for some answers.

First off, some of the coolest dudes I knew and idolized as a kid lived in sewers. They hung in smelly stinky sewers and made that shit look cool. Just hanging around all day, fighting crime with ninja weapons, and taking advice from a giant rat. And when their fuel tanks were empty what did they eat to sustain their superhero physiques? Pizza! That’s right i’m talking about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

tmnt-art-directionEating pizza by the truck load, and still being able to fight off robots, rhinos, and anything else Shredder had to throw at them. So, ask me when I was 8 if I would rather have pizza or broccoli, and my answer would be a swift nunchuk to the throat followed by a whole cheese pizza for myself.

But if that isn’t enough evidence lets look further.

Another idol of mine was the fastest guy you would ever see. Usain Bolt? Never heard of him. The guy i’m talking about is about 4 feet tall, blue, and could burn your eyes with his 40 time. Oh, and did I mention that he has an exclusive diet of chili dogs?


Sonic The Hedgehog ate just chili dogs and still was able to beat the fuck out of Dr. Robotnik.

“Ok Matt, why don’t you give us some real examples.” Fine, here you go.

Superstar running back, Marshawn Lynch slays bags of skittles while on the sidlines of his games and NBA star Michael Beasley also eats skittles. “6 or 7 bags a day” to be exact.



Clearly i’m doing something wrong. Time to increase my chili dog and skittles intake.


%d bloggers like this: