Blog Archives

Hey Gwyneth Paltrow, Is Everything OK At Home?

H2NOGwyneth Paltrow is causing controversy again with a statement on her lifestyle website Goop about her belief that water might have feelings.

The 41-year-old actress, who recently split from her husband Chris Martin, endorsed the work of Japanese doctor Masuru Emoto, who has published several books on the theory that human consciousness can change the structure of water.

“I have long had Dr. Emoto’s coffee table book on how negativity changes the structure of water,” Paltrow wrote on her blog. “How the molecules behave differently depending on the words or music being expressed around it.”

“I am fascinated by the growing science behind the energy of consciousness and its effects on matter,” Paltrow added.

Paltrow goes on to share the theories of Emoto through Dr. Habib Sadeghi in her newsletter. In his column, Sadeghi claims he “proved that energy generated by positive or negative words can actually change the physical structure of an object.”

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Glad Gwyneth is staying sane after the uncoupling or whatever the hell happened with Chris Martin. Maybe water has feelings, maybe water doesn’t have feelings. But why waste your time even writing something like that? We need water to survive and according to The Doctah our bodies are at least 89% water, and frankly I think he’s lowballing it. Is it a thing where you become famous, live in Hollywood then just think of the craziest thing in the world and starting saying it like it’s your own personal Bible? Gwyneth compared internet trolls to be being a wartime solider and now this; Charlize Theron compared being followed around to actual rape, and Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise. Maybe celebrities should tone the crazy for awhile, and unless water starts screaming at me from my water bottle telling me not to drink it I’m going to continue drinking 8-10 bottles a day.

– Ryan

 

Happy Presidents Day From the Greatest President of All Time

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Best mutton chops of all time. With hair like that you better get shit done or you’ll be chased out of the White House with pitchforks and lanterns. Martin Van Buren is 1/44 of the reason we all have today off, but in our hearts he’s so much more.

– The Average Nobodies

Richie Incognito Wants Your Lunch Money

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Get your Incognito Lunch Money Tees in time for Monday Night Football!

-MattyV

How The Breaking Bad Violence vs. Hair Chart Relates To Fat George Zimmerman

The oatmeal created an awesome (and accurate) breaking bad chart that analyzes each character’s tendency for violence vs. how much hair they have. Since George Zimmerman can’t see to keep his fat head out of trouble, I decided to do a little analyzing of my own.

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Here’s George Zimmerman in 2005 after a domestic violence incident. Still not a choir boy, but the case was eventually thrown out. Also, notice Zimmerman has a full head of hair and he’s fat.

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Here’s George Zimmerman towards the end of the Trayvon Martin trial, and only a few months before his most recent domestic violence incident. He isn’t pure evil by any means, and he’s grown out his hair and somehow gotten fatter.

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Fresh off a murder George Zimmerman. That’s right, no hair, semi-skinny, and now he’s a murderer. Shot an unarmed kid. When George Zimmerman is fat with a full head of hair, he get’s into minor domestic disturbances. When George Zimmerman gets a buzz cut and loses weight, he turns into a murderer.

Moral of the story: whether you’re cooking meth to feed your family during a cancer battle or a member of the neighborhood watch, if you’re skinny with a shaved head and a goatee you’re a cold blooded murderer.

– Ryan

Flashback Friday: The 48 Hour Film Competition

With the 48 Film Competition upon us I give you our 2011 submission to the contest. Dodging Reality.

A business man escapes the confines of reality to challenge his arch nemesis through an office fantasy.

-MattyV

What I’ve Learned In My Short 24 Years

756,864,000 seconds, 12,614,400 minutes, 525,600 hours, 8,760 days… and 24 years.  Thats how long this guy has been, crawling, walking, running, and…..walking on this Earth.  Bare with me, this might be all over the place.

It’s hard to hold down what I have learned over the years so I will tell you what I have found to be true.  Life is different for everyone,  what works for one person, may not for the other and vice versa. Trying to emulate one person (say your hero or idol) is never going to work, instead take and steal from many people to create a person that is uniquely you. Play up your strengths and in doing that, find out what your weaknesses are; your weaknesses are what give this unique person you see in the mirror everyday.  Take time to listen to yourself. I’m not trying to be all introspective and hippy here, but seriously, take a second and talk to yourself.  Ask yourself questions, and answer them with the truth.  Please, if you do this out loud to yourself, do it in a room where no one else is.  I’m pretty sure they stopped burning witches at the stake, but I could be wrong. I digress.  Lose yourself in some good music and explore new kinds whenever you get a chance.  I have always found music to shake things loose in my head when I need it the most.  Be unpredictable, if you want to try something, try it. If you want to go somewhere, get in your car and go.  I’ve found this type of thinking to make me the most happy.  Don’t let anything hold you back.

The last thing I will leave you with is something I learned from the great Gary Vaynerchuk.  Do what you are passionate about.  If for one minute you are doing something that you don’t 100% love doing, even if it is just a 1% dislike, stop doing it.  Life is too short to do something that you dislike, even if its for one day.

The culmination or trial and error is what shapes me today and is what will shape me in the future.

-MattyV

There’s a trick to being whatever you want to be in life. It starts with the simple belief that you are what or who you say you are. It starts, like all faiths, with a belief – a belief predicated more on whimsy than reality. And you’ve gotta believe for everybody else, too – until you can show them proof. If you’re lucky, someone starts believing with you – first theoretically, then in practice. And two people believing are the start of a congregation. You build a congregation of believers and eventually you set out to craft a cathedral. Sometimes it’s just a church; sometimes it turns out to be a chapel. Folks who don’t build churches will try to tell you how you’re doing it wrong, even as your steeple breaks the clouds. Never listen.

~Kevin Smith

The Muscle Hamster Isn’t Impressed

LeBron James has won two NBA championships and four MVP awards, but a fellow Florida athlete apparently isn’t impressed.And by indicating as much on Twitter, Doug Martin of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers may have become Cleveland’s second-favorite NFL running back entering his second season (behind only the Cleveland Browns’ Trent Richardson).Late Sunday night, Martin tweeted that meeting James “was as glorious as watching paint dry.” Martin later responded to user comments by saying James was “rude.”

“Meeting @KingJames was as glorious as watching paint dry.lol”

— Doug Martin (@DougMartin22) July 8, 2013

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Douggie apparently found Lebron to be “rude” and wasn’t impressed when meeting him.  This caused a twitter frenzy with everyone joining in on the big “hate Lebron fest”.  And NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY likes a chance to lay into Lebron more than the city of Cleveland.

“The Browns should trade for him,” wrote Cleveland fan @LarryFletcher. “His picture should go up on the building where LeBron’s use to be.”

Ok Larry, take it easy, you guys can’t have him! Doug belongs in Florida with rest of his crew. Be happy with Trent Richardson, until he leaves you like everyone else does.

And Lebron….

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..don’t be sad that Douggie doesn’t wanna hang out with you.  Go play with your trophies instead…or count your headbands.

-MattyV

Robb Stark is a Baby Back Bitch

Game of Thrones spoiler alert.

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I’m not going to sit here and tell you last night’s episode surprised me. I didn’t know when or where Robb and his dime piece were gonna die but it was pretty obvious they weren’t long for the world. But seriously that’s how you go out? C’mon man. Your mother at least took someone with her. You just stood there like a baby back bitch while your woman got stabbed repeatedly in the baby maker. Your father would’ve been ashamed. Ned would’ve taken at least five goons with him and if not, he would’ve gotten to Frey and chopped both his head and his one off.

Anyways that’s what you get when you mess with my boy Tywin.

Which brings me to my next point. If Tywin Lannister get killed by anything short of a dragon I’ll quit the show. Only thing that kills Tywin is a dragon or I’m out. Your move, Thrones.

-Sean Lite-

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