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Donald Sterling’s New ‘Horny’ Defense Story is the Worst Defense Story Ever

DummyThe latest defense from Donald Sterling: I’m not a racist, I’m just horny.

The Los Angeles Clippers owners, barred from life from the NBA over his racist remarks about African-Americans, says his mind was warped by lust during his now-infamous taped conversation.

“You know, if you were trying to have sex with a girl, and you don’t think anybody’s there, you might say anything in the world,” Sterling explained in a two-minute recorded conversation obtained by RadarOnline.com.

“You might say you have the biggest penis in the world,” the 80-year-old billionaire real estate mogul continued. “I would have said I could fly over high-rise buildings if I had to.”

Sterling said he was jealous of the younger black men who accompanied his 31-year-old girlfriend V. Stiviano to Clippers games

“What the hell, I’m talking to a girl,” Sterling said. “The girl’s black. I like her. I’m jealous that she’s with other black guys. I want her … Can I, in private, tell her I don’t want her to be with anybody?

“Am I person? Do I have any freedom of speech?”

Sterling specifically objected to Stiviano’s Instagram posting of a photo with Magic Johnson — and he complained that the Hall of Famer should be more sympathetic to his situation.

“I wish Magic Johnson was talking to a girl, and he’s trying to play with her,” Sterling said. “You might say anything.

Sterling ended the conversation by clumsily invoking a black woman who’s apparently an employee.

“I have a girl here who has black kids, and is partly black, I think,” he said. “I love the girl. And so she’s telling me ‘You’re wrong.’

Oh Really?

I have a serious question: is Donald Sterling mentally retarded? I’m not trying to make fun of him, I just want to know, because if he is I’ll stop writing posts about him. But if he isn’t, then he really needs to fire his publicist or hire a publicist because he has negative infinity common sense. So anytime Donald Sterling wants to have sex with a girl, he pulls the racist card. Just starts running down black people. Does that work? Personally if I want to have sex with a girl I break out the dance moves, then they run away, and I go home alone. Maybe I should start being a racist. I’m sure that really charms the pants off a girl. In a way I want this whole thing to just end but I also want to hear more reasoning from Donald. He’s pure racist gold.

– Ryan

 

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The World According To Yoko

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Last Friday we explored the world of Twitter through the eyes of a dangerously insane human being: Yoko Ono. The beautiful thing about crazy people on twitter is that most of them don’t realize how crazy they actually are, so they continue to tweet incoherent nonsense. Yoko’s tweets are too awesome to pass up, so without further ado, welcome back to the world according to Yoko.

@yokoono: Lift your eyes again and look around you, and you will see that the sky doesn’t end just up there, it comes all the way down to the ground!

– hmmm. I feel like what she is trying to describe here is some type of horrible catastrophe. If I ever lift up my eyes and see the sky coming towards the ground I will be shitting my pants while trying to convince myself that its just a bad acid trip.

@yokoono: Wishing is more effective than waving flags. It works. It’s magic. Magic is simple. Magic is real.

I think Yoko has been spending too much time with Gob Bluth. And why are waving flags and magic our only two options? With all the advances in modern technology, I feel like we should have more options to solve world conflicts. Anyone? Bueller?

@yokoono: The earth we walk on is severed into pieces: continents and islands. But the sky is one!

– this one actually makes sense. You can call her crazy, but Yoko knows her geography. I can’t wait to see what kind of tweets shes planning for next week. Until then, stay cool and have a great weekend.

– Ryan

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