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Donald Sterling’s New ‘Horny’ Defense Story is the Worst Defense Story Ever

DummyThe latest defense from Donald Sterling: I’m not a racist, I’m just horny.

The Los Angeles Clippers owners, barred from life from the NBA over his racist remarks about African-Americans, says his mind was warped by lust during his now-infamous taped conversation.

“You know, if you were trying to have sex with a girl, and you don’t think anybody’s there, you might say anything in the world,” Sterling explained in a two-minute recorded conversation obtained by RadarOnline.com.

“You might say you have the biggest penis in the world,” the 80-year-old billionaire real estate mogul continued. “I would have said I could fly over high-rise buildings if I had to.”

Sterling said he was jealous of the younger black men who accompanied his 31-year-old girlfriend V. Stiviano to Clippers games

“What the hell, I’m talking to a girl,” Sterling said. “The girl’s black. I like her. I’m jealous that she’s with other black guys. I want her … Can I, in private, tell her I don’t want her to be with anybody?

“Am I person? Do I have any freedom of speech?”

Sterling specifically objected to Stiviano’s Instagram posting of a photo with Magic Johnson — and he complained that the Hall of Famer should be more sympathetic to his situation.

“I wish Magic Johnson was talking to a girl, and he’s trying to play with her,” Sterling said. “You might say anything.

Sterling ended the conversation by clumsily invoking a black woman who’s apparently an employee.

“I have a girl here who has black kids, and is partly black, I think,” he said. “I love the girl. And so she’s telling me ‘You’re wrong.’

Oh Really?

I have a serious question: is Donald Sterling mentally retarded? I’m not trying to make fun of him, I just want to know, because if he is I’ll stop writing posts about him. But if he isn’t, then he really needs to fire his publicist or hire a publicist because he has negative infinity common sense. So anytime Donald Sterling wants to have sex with a girl, he pulls the racist card. Just starts running down black people. Does that work? Personally if I want to have sex with a girl I break out the dance moves, then they run away, and I go home alone. Maybe I should start being a racist. I’m sure that really charms the pants off a girl. In a way I want this whole thing to just end but I also want to hear more reasoning from Donald. He’s pure racist gold.

– Ryan

 

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It is Our Distinct Pleasure to Welcome Donald Sterling to the Racist Hall of Fame Class 2014

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Sterlings comments about not wanting his girlfriend to bring black people to his games are what lands him on the top of our hall of fame class. Donald Sterling really knows the right words to say, especially since he owns a NBA team. It’s over, Donald, time to sell the team. Don’t expect him to sell the team to someone that isn’t caucasian, Donny don’t roll like that.

Former inductees include:

John Rocker

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You thought we’d forget you, didn’t you John? No racist hall of fame ceremony, especially a sports racist hall of fame ceremony, is complete without John Rocker. Back when the Mets didn’t suck, they had a pretty awesome rivalry with their NL East foe the Atlanta Braves. During the midst of this rivalry, Braves pitcher John Rocker did an interview with Sports Illustrated. Rocker was asked his views on New York and the people who inhabit the state, and naturally his answer was unimaginably horrible:

  • On ever playing for a New York team: “I would retire first. It’s the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the [Number] 7 train to the ballpark, looking like you’re [riding through] Beirut next to some kid with purple hair next to some queer with AIDS right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It’s depressing.”
  • On New York City itself: “The biggest thing I don’t like about New York are the foreigners. I’m not a very big fan of foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?”

As you can imagine, this didn’t go over well in New York or any other civilized place in the world. Rocker never backtracked any of his words and just turned into a shitty pitcher who hated everyone but white Americans. You’ve joined an elite class, Mr. Sterling.

Cliven Bundy

After this racist rant Bundy went on to blame Martin Luther King Jr. for his racism. Hey Cliven, you are already in the Hall of Fame, don’t show off.

 

There you have it, the worst of the worst and our first official selections into the racist hall of fame. It is really shocking that these types of people exist. Scum to the highest of degrees.

-The Average Nobodies

Honorary member:

Clayton Bigsby

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