Before you start jumping back on the Lebron dick train I want you to remember one thing….
Have a GREAT season you animals.
Kevin Love has apparently been showing some interest in moving east and joining up with the Boston Celtics. Over the weekend he attended a Red Sox game at Fenway Park and even was caught shaking hands with Rondo! As far as i’m concerned this is a done deal. If you shake Rondo’s hand and come to Fenway Park for a game then you are an official Bostonian in my book. Listen Kev, can I call you Kev? Mr. Love? Ok, I’ll go with Kev. Kev, Boston is a town of champions, do you want to be a champion? That’s what I thought. Bill Paxton is from Texas, but I would be willing to bet if he had a choice on where to be born and play professional basketball it would be the Bean. And if that’s not reason enough to be a Celtic here are 10 added bonuses.
The 10 things I would do if you [Kevin Love] played for the Celtics
- Buy your away and home jerseys. Nothing says “come to Boston” like merch royalties.
- Knit you a nice sweater. I can’t knit, but I will learn.
- I will be your personal assistant. Dry cleaning? Done. Rides around town? Chauffeured. Dinner reservations? Not to brag, but I have NEVER waited for a seat at Chilis.
- I will give you a personalized pre-game warmup. I am not known for my athletic abilities, but ask anybody I know (or at least Ryan) and they/he will undoubtedly tell you about my skills as a basketball trainer. They don’t call my backyard “the breeding ground for pro athletes”* for nothing.
- Hand written letters to all your correspondents. Texts? Emails? Phone calls? SO impersonal. From now on I will write and hand deliver all of your messages. This might make things take a lot longer, but trust me you will be a better man because of it.
- I will be the interior decorator of your New England home. New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Massachusetts? Wherever you decide to buy a home leave it to me for the decorating. How do you feel about patterned wallpaper, comic book posters, and the color orange?
- Buy you a 30-rack of your choice**
- Take you on a private tour of Rhode Island. The majority of the day will be spent at my house playing video games or in Newport flying kites, but if you ask me, that’s Rhode Island in a nutshell.
- Join Ryan and I on a trip back to Fenway Park for a Red Sox game. If this actually happens then it is a real treat because it is a rarity we even make it inside the stadium.
- Wake up calls every morning, and not just a regular wake up call, nope, I will call you and sing any song you request. Most of the time I will ignore your request and sing “Fields of Gold”, but honestly is there a better option, especially with my range?
*Nobody calls it that
It’s alright big guy I have a solution for ya. Dump that sad excuse for a team and come on over to Boston. The Celtics, and Boston, would welcome you with open arms. We can give you the medicine you need…a title shot.
PS- Minnesota can have Humphries. Nobody likes Humphries.