Blog Archives
Your Body is 90% Water [The Doctah Is In]
Popeye ate his spinach. The Doctah ate his spirulina.
Green.
The color of money. The color of trees. The color of magic.
Well, yeah, I don’t know about the magic part, but let The Doctah edumacate ya.
In 1940, Popeye ate his spinach. It had amazing effects. Protein, yum. Big muscles, plenty of ladies. Olive oil, yes, Olive oil, stole his heart.
Do you understand the lingo? The oil was the bread to his butter. (Yes he owned both).
But.
That’s was in the 1940s.
There’s been a lot of informacion back then that tells us that green is still the way, but spinach, eh … its okay. (The Doctah can rhyme too)
Now, there are newer foods out there: spirulina and chlorella to be exact.
So what are spirulina and chlorella? Well they are sea algae.
Your next question should be, “Why the F*ck” would I eat sea algae?
Well that’s simple, young jedi. Your body is made up of 90% water or 95% or some very high number like that. So that means stuff from water, especially from the sea, will have a beneficial effect on your body.
The spirulina contains high quality protein as well as other high quality sources of variable nutrients for your body to consume.
Nutrients = Good. Just in case you didn’t know.
The chlorella contains chloryphyl. Chloryphyll is essential for plants to grow. People do not generally think of themselves as plants, BUT, i’ll give it to you simply: what does a plant do? It grows. What do people do? Generally they grow. Hmmm… molto interesante.
Now go on Amazon, and grab some hawaiin pacifica spirulina and some 1000mg chlorella. If you got the cash, grab a 3 month supply. Come see the Doctah in 3 months, and I dare ya to tell the Doctah you don’t feel better.
Disclaimer: The Doctah does not try to cure you, you cure you. He just shows you the way.
Stay sexy my Nobodies.
-The Doctah
Do You Want Fruit & Veggies With That?
(Source) — Want a side salad with that Big Mac?
McDonald’s says it will start giving customers the choice of a salad, fruit or vegetable as a substitute for french fries in its value meals.
McDonald’s Corp. will roll out the change early next year in the U.S., where people will be able to pick a salad instead of fries at no extra cost. McDonald’s says it already lets customers make such swaps in some countries, such as France.
But now it says it now work to make the options available in 20 of its biggest markets around the world, which represent 85 percent of sales. McDonald’s, which has more than 34,000 locations around the world, said the change will be in place in 30 to 50 percent of the areas within the next three years and 100 percent the regions by 2020.
The world’s biggest hamburger chain made the announcement at the Clinton Global Initiative in New York City, where CEO Don Thompson made an appearance on stage with former President Bill Clinton.
In an interview before the announcement, Thompson said McDonald’s is looking at developing other healthy sides that will appeal to customers. He noted that the company could also take the fruits and vegetables it offers in other parts of the world, such as cups of corn and kiwi on a stick, and make them more widely available.
“What is it that customers will choose, and what will they eat?” Thompson said. “What we don’t want to do is just put something on the menu and say, hey, we did it. We really want consumption.”
You know when you go to a burger joint and they have some exotic seafood dish on the menu, and you think to yourself “I would never eat that here”? That’s how I feel about McDonalds now serving fruits and vegetables as a substitute for french fries. So if I eat three Big Mac’s, but get a side of cantaloupe I’ll be healthy as an ox? I don’t think that’s how it works. If you’re going to McDonalds, you’re already chalking that day up as a loss. Have you ever been inside a McDonalds? It’s one of the saddest places on Earth. Kind of like an anti-Disneyland. The employees don’t want to be there, all the customers look awful, patiently waiting for their 10 minutes of satisfaction stuffing a burger down their throat. That’s what McDonald’s was built on, the tears of depressed Americans who hate their life. Now you’re going to take that away and replace it with fruit and vegetables? Shame on you, McDonalds. Let us be fat and miserable in peace.
-Ryan
Top 5 Worst Things You Can Wake Up To
These are the worst thing your peepers can witness in the morning.
Rain
“On the 7th day, while god rested his lazy ass, Satan created rain.” -Matt 3:16. That’s a verse from the good book, right? Nothing takes the wind out of your sails more than waking up in the morning, taking a giant stretch and piss, and looking out the window to find that everything (and in a few minutes you) is soaking wet. If you’re not sure what feeling i’m talking about take a second and think about what it feels like to wake up in the morning and see piles and piles of snow, and realizing that you have no work/school. Good feeling, right? Now think that exact opposite feeling and punch yourself in the face, that’s what rain does to me.
A Cold Shower
Sticking with the water hate, the next thing on my list is a cold shower. Coming from someone who lives with two other dudes that love hot showers as much as me, this is a constant battle. The number one thing that gets me to drag my ass out of bed in the morning is the thought that a few feet from me is paradise. I walk to the bathroom, start the shower, tear my clothes off, and hop in. The water almost always starts as warm, this is the way the demon, that is my hot water heater, lures me in. I lather up, and then BAM, ice cold water. This gets me in a rage, the type of rage that is only curable by a hot water. You can see why this is a horrific start to my day.
Exercise Infomercials
Most days I wake up to my TV as my alarm. If I select the right channel this can be a pleasant surprise upon wakeup. Since I’ve been doing this i’ve woken up to such gems as: Slap Shot, Ace Ventura, 2 Fast 2 Furious, and Varsity Blues. A nice wakeup setlist. But then there are THOSE mornings when I open my eyes to some ripped piece of trash yelling at me to keep my core tight. As far as i’m concerned there should be a law banning exercise infomercials pre-10am. Nothing on this earth makes me feel lazier than laying in my bed, with a possible hand down my pants, watching people do jumping jacks. You’re not motivating me to buy your DVD, You’re motivating me to find out where you live.
You’re out of [insert your favorite breakfast food]
Honey Nut Cheerios is the king of cereals like Bud is the king of beers, and Nick Cage is the king of actors. It has been a staple in my cabinet for years, if not decades. Besides my hot shower this is the second thing on my list of 3 things that get me out of bed in the morning (the third is your mom….ZING) I am pretty absent-minded when it comes to groceries. So for me to forget that i’m out of my favorite cereals happens more than I would like to admit. Not having my Cheerios in the morning throws off my whole day, kinda like how not dressing like an asshole throws off Will Smith’s kid (Have you seen the way he dresses? He’s like the fresh prince of planet strange).
Someone video taping me
This is a true story and I would rather not talk about it. Just lock your doors and don’t have creepy friends and you will be fine.
–Matt
Honorable mentions
Your house is on fire, your leg is asleep, a fan falls on your head, you wake up in a tub..underwater (true story) and your didn’t plug in your phone and now it is dead.
