Advertisements

Blog Archives

It’s Officially Impossible To Parody The US Government

When Donald Trump was elected President, I knew there were going to be a lot of changes. Before Trump, even if you didn't like or agree with the President, you respected the office and the fact that he was the most powerful man in the free world. That is no longer the case. When Trump goes to Twitter before notifying his Secretary of Defense or the Pentagon about his new ban on transgender people serving in the military, it sparks reactions like that of the Governor of Nevada, who said he won't make changes to the National Guard unless instructed to do so by the Secretary of Defense. In other words, what the President says doesn't matter.

To people like me and you, the President's words haven't mattered since January. But for other elected officials to basically say "this guy is nuts, I'll wait to hear from a sane voice" is pretty crazy when you're talking about the POTUS.

Because we now live in a dystopian, idiotic world, the President's transgender tweet barely stayed in the news cycle for 48 hours. A lot of that has to do with healthcare, which as of early this morning, is still unchanged. But what I'm choosing to focus on is the White House's new communication director, Anthony 'The Mooch' Scaramucci. The New Yorker ran a piece yesterday on him where he talked ON THE RECORD about a whole host of things, and it's beyond parody. Here are some excerpts:

 Scaramucci, who initiated the call, did not ask for the conversation to be off the record or on background.

Always a good sign when the communications director doesn't know how to speak to the press off the record.

“They’ll all be fired by me,” he said. “I fired one guy the other day. I have three to four people I’ll fire tomorrow. I’ll get to the person who leaked that to you. Reince Priebus—if you want to leak something—he’ll be asked to resign very shortly.” The issue, he said, was that he believed Priebus had been worried about the dinner because he hadn’t been invited. “Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac,” Scaramucci said. He channeled Priebus as he spoke: “ ‘Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’ ” (Priebus did not respond to a request for comment.)

If those aren't the words of a level headed guy then I don't know what is. Always an uplifting sign when the new guy in the White House threatens to fire literally everyone over something he can't prove. This is also foreshadowing the rest of the conversation, as we see The Mooch has an affinity to saying the word 'cock'.

Scaramucci also told me that, unlike other senior officials, he had no interest in media attention. “I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock,” he said, speaking of Trump’s chief strategist. “I’m not trying to build my own brand off the fucking strength of the President. I’m here to serve the country.” (Bannon declined to comment.)

BINGO! So much to dissect in that statement. Comparing wanting media attention to sucking your own cock, inferring that since he doesn't suck his own cock, he's here to serve the country, and my personal favorite 'Bannon declined to comment'. Oh you don't say? He didn't want to comment on the statement from the White House communications director that says he sucks his own cock? Shocking! This is all extremely disheartening, but at least we'll always have this tweet:

https://twitter.com/wyatt_privilege/status/890702212858511361

The article goes on and on and on, and while Scaramucci might not like to suck his own cock, he sure likes to hear himself talk. This is the world we live in, folks, and these are the people in charge of our country. Happy Friday?

-Ryan

Advertisements

039 Kid Rock For The Iron Throne (and Senate)

Enter to win the Jon Snow Pop Vinyl here – bit.ly/jonsnowgiveaway | Talk to us on twitter – @AverageNobodies | Read our blog – www.averagenobodies.com | Leave us a voicemail – 401-285-8120

Andy Serkis Reading Donald Trump’s Tweets As Gollum Is Magical

Reading and following Donald Trump’s Twitter account prior to November 8th was a roller coaster, but now that he’s the leader of the free world, it’s frightening. He rarely makes sense, which is not something you’d prefer to be the main talking point of a world leader. Andy Serkis joined Stephen Colbert last night and brought a bit of levity to the whole ‘Donald Trump is probably going to end us all’ storyline by reading some of Trump’s tweets as Gollum. Skip ahead to the 4:00 minute to listen. Also, I’ll take Andy Serkis as Gollum as Trump’s new Press Secretary immediately.

-Ryan

Delta & Bank of America Have Pulled Funding From The NY Public Theater Over A Trump Comparison In ‘Julius Caesar’

Spoiler alert: At the end of Shakespeare’s play, Julius Caesar is assassinated.

But some would like to see a happier ending — or at least a toga-clad Caesar — in a new production opening Monday night in which the protagonist sports a modern business suit and blond hair — details that make him look suspiciously like a certain somebody.

 Complaints by Donald Trump Jr., among others, that the staging hints at the assassination of the president have prompted corporate sponsors to yank their funding for the New York Public Theater, whose Shakespeare in the Park productions are a venerable New York tradition.

The exodus was led by Delta Airlines, which announced Sunday that it was withdrawing as the Public Theater’s official airline. “No matter what your political stance may be, the graphic staging of Julius Caesar at this summer’s Free Shakespeare in the Park does not reflect Delta Airlines’ values,” the carrier’s statement said. “Their artistic and creative direction crossed the line on the standards of good taste.” – LA Times

The Tragedy of Julius Caesar is a 400+ year old play by William Shakespeare. It is not a play about Donald Trump. Yes, the character of Julius Caesar looked like and wore the same wardrobe as Trump, but to claim that this play is about Trump is show an alarming amount of ignorance. While people are quick to lash out and demand all funding be pulled from the NY Public Theater, it’s highly likely that they didn’t do any research on the thousands of different performances of this play. Back in 2012, a stage company in Minnesota put on an Obama inspired production of the play. Delta was a sponsor of that play. Again, this is a play that is over 400 years old that will most likely relate to every man or women in power until the end of time. This is a play about democracy, and how fragile it is when the wrong people are in power. As Twitter quickly pointed out, comparing Caesar to a sitting President is not a new trend:

It shouldn’t be surprising that Trump and his supporters are trying to put handcuffs (whether literally or figuratively) on the Arts. Back in March Trump planned to cut the Funding for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting to zero and also eliminate funding for the National Endowment for the Arts and the National Endowment for the Humanities. In all instances, Trump was the first US President to propose these cuts. When corporate sponsors like Delta and Bank of America make decisions like this, it looks bad from all angles, especially when you’re talking about the play JULIUS CAESAR. One more time – the play is over 400 years old. I know Trump and his supporters want the world to revolve around them and their views, but that’s not how life works.

To donate to the NY Public Theater, follow this link – https://publictheater.org/Support/Donate-Now/

-Ryan

Donald Trump Is Clearly Losing His Mind

President Donald Trump sent out a series of tweets Wednesday morning attacking Democratic Sen. Richard Blumenthal, who had repeatedly criticized the president’s firing of FBI Director James Comey.

“Watching Senator Richard Blumenthal speak of Comey is a joke. ‘Richie’ devised one of the greatest military frauds in U.S. history,” Trump tweeted of the senator from Connecticut. “For years, as a pol in Connecticut, Blumenthal would talk of his great bravery and conquests in Vietnam — except he was never there.

“When caught, he cried like a baby and begged for forgiveness … and now he is judge & jury. He should be the one who is investigated for his acts.”

Blumenthal appeared on CNN on Wednesday morning, saying there was “really a looming constitutional crisis that is deadly serious.”

The senator also was a guest on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” on Wednesday, calling for a special counsel to investigate the Trump campaign’s alleged ties to Russia; Comey had been leading the FBI’s investigation into the matter when he was fired. – Yahoo

Trump’s firing people, tweet-storming & drinking Coca-Cola on command – sounds just like an average somebody.

Oh Mama!  This is the Trumpstravaganza and unless you’re white, have white hair, you better not get on his shitty list.  2 Days ago, Trump fired Comey, director of the FBI, and that doesn’t stand for Female Body Inspector.  Today, after being the big man on campus, he rose to the “grande” man on campus, when Richard Blumenthal had some sharp words about El Presidente de Trump.

Blumenthal was hit with Trump’s Savage response.  Love him or hate him, don’t fuck with him because his words will tear you limb from limb, and when there’s nothing left, he just might get hungry.  But Trump, the possible fraud, told Blumenthal that he’s a fraud.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my Nobodies, my Dom Perrignon’s, I wouldn’t criticize the man.  I’m waiting for him to pour his can of Coke on someone, and then that possibly may just be Judgement Day.  But, until that day my friends, stay fucking classy like Ron Burgandy and make sure you stay off Trump’s Twitter and out of his way, because he just might fire you, and you probably don’t even have a job.  Think about that one.

~ The Doctah

Donald Trump Believes He Coined The Phrase ‘Prime The Pump’

My favorite part about this story is that I truly believe Trump thinks he created this phrase. He definitely heard it on TV or possibly overheard a conversation between smart people and decided that he’ll tell everyone it was an original phrase. The only problem with that is almost everyone who has or will interview/write about Trump is going to be smarter than him, so he’s immediately corrected. Don’t want to take my word for it?

That is cold as ice. Not even mentioning Trump by name yet everyone knows what they’re referencing. And while I’ll be the first to admit I’ve never heard of the phrase, I’m also not the POTUS trying to sneak it into conversation about tax plans. Merriam-Webster 1 Trump 0.

-Ryan

Chris Pratt Had The Best Suggestion For A New Director Of The FBI

Chris Pratt being the best isn’t breaking news, but Donald Trump firing the Director of the FBI is. Thankfully Pratt took to Twitter to give his recommendation on a replacement, and I can’t think of a better guy for the job. Gotta get Macklin on the line, asap.

Parks And Recreation GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

-Ryan

 

Donald Trump’s Obsession With Pictures Has Infected The @Patriots

We all know Donald Trump is obsessed with being right. He’s also obsessed with pictures, which started after his inauguration in January. As you can see in the picture below, Trump’s inauguration was not as well attended as his predecessor’s:

Now you can argue that the picture has been altered and that the sun sets in the East and rises in the West, but let’s just say that the above picture is accurate. Fast forward three months and we have another picture controversy on our hands thanks to the Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots visiting Trump at the White House. The Patriots already announced that less players were showing up compared to 2015 but that the overall number of personnel and players would be about the same. Then, this picture happened:

Instead of just letting it go, the official Patriots Twitter account decided to chime in and give their take on the picture, which not only seems unnecessary, but seems like something that was directed by Trump himself:

The Patriots are a team that rarely officially comment on anything, so to have them come out and tweet something like that is odd. Kraft and Trump are butt buddies, and Belichick even wrote Trump a letter during the campaign, so you have to imagine that friendship and Trump’s obsession with being popular has a lot to do with it. Of course, Trump also weighed in on the picture, because he apparently has nothing better to do:

If you’re looking for some fresh reasons to hate the Patriots, you know have some ammo.

-Ryan

%d bloggers like this: