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113 Hippos and Hand Grenades

Adam and Matt go off the rails without Ryan. Matt detaches himself from reality inside of a Lowe’s Home Improvement and Adam teaches us about the animal kingdom.

Masturbating at the DMV Has to be an All Time Low For Humanity

(Source) “Just when you thought the DMV couldn’t get any worse.

Edward Michael Alvin, 34, was arrested last week after an off-duty cop caught the man allegedly masturbating at the Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles office in West Palm Beach, Fla.

The Sun-Sentinel reported that Alvin began masturbating in the lobby of the DMV on Friday.

An off-duty officer told Alvin to stop, but the suspect ignored him and was placed under arrest. He was charged with indecent exposure, and released later that evening.

In July, Alvin was arrested after allegedly stealing his former boss’ car, then crashing it while intoxicated, according to court records.

Public masturbation might be how some people get off, but that doesn’t get them off the hook with police.

Kevin Bishop, a 44-year-old man with 64 arrests already on his record, was allegedly caught masturbating on a New York subway in 2009. He was charged with public lewdness, but pleaded not guilty. Bishop told police that his “private parts fell out.”

“I looked down and it was out,” Bishop said. “It just popped out! I was trying to put it back.”

In September, Nathan Harrington allegedly gave his mailman a different kind of package when he was caught masturbating outside his home in front of the witness. He was charged with indecent conduct.

The mailman said this was the second time he had caught Harrington masturbating.”

This is disturbing on a few fronts. Obviously seeing anyone masturbating in public is pretty scarring. Tough to have a positive outlook on life when some guy is jerking off in plain sight. But of all places to masturbate in, why pick the DMV? The DMV is hell on earth. Everyone is miserable, nobody wants to be there, and you’re always there way longer than you want/need to be. If this is Edwin’s fetish then this is the sickest fetish in the history of the world. You really couldn’t wait until you got home, or in your car, or basically anywhere else on Earth? Just had to jerk off in the lobby. My only question is why did the officer ask him to stop before arresting him? So if he stopped you let him go and jerk off wherever he pleases? Lock it up. And please lock this guy up. You just can’t trust a guy who masturbates at the DMV.

– Ryan

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