Furious doesn’t even come close to describing how I feel right now.  Let me set the scene…I walk into one of my favorite lunch establishments by my work, walk up to the counter, and order my “usual”  (My “usual” happens to be a egg salad sandwich).  The woman–nay, demon temptress– behind the counter informs me that they don’t carry egg salad anymore.  You’re kidding right? How is a deli not going to carry egg salad? it’s like McDonald’s putting the kibosh on hamburgers! Oh, and this isn’t the first time this has happened to me, no way, this shit happens to me all the time! I’m not sure what problem people have with eggs and mayonnaise, or what member of the chicken salad mafia is paying them off, but it has to stop.

Increasing the population of egg salad sandwiches starts with you! Stand up to your local deli counter and explain that you will not take this lightly, and that egg salad is here to stay.  Pack egg salad for your kids lunch’s and make it as a snack for the neighborhood punks. Only you can bring egg salad back from the brink of extinction.  If my numbers are correct, and they are, the last egg salad sandwich will be crossed off menus sometime next year. This is Gods work, and i’m privileged to do it.

-MattyV

PS- And don’t tell me you hate eggs! You sound like an idiot.  Liking eggs should be a requirement for citizenship.