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Captain Craig ‘Threesome’ Gallo is Upset His Boating & Drivers License Got Taken Away

3someHe went from King of Beers to Cap‘n Crunch.

The kinky captain who drunkenly crashed his love boat while engaged in a three-way sex romp over the weekend won’t be taking pleasure cruises anytime soon — and he’s grounded on land, too.

Craig Gallo, 51, sporting a massive bandage on his forehead and wearing baggy red hospital scrubs, whined when he learned in Queens Criminal Court that both his boating and motor vehicle licenses would be revoked for allegedly operating his fishing vessel while drunk.

“The officer told me it was just going to be my boat license,” he sniffed in court.

“No — both,” Judge Gia Morris sternly replied.

The portly Andover, NJ, man was busy messing around with a pal and a woman they’d just met when his 28-foot Wellcraft boat crashed early Sunday into runway approach lights at La Guardia Airport, sources told The Post.

Gallo later admitted to cops that he’d been drinking and was involved in a boating accident, prosecutors said.

“I was driving, I had a few beers,” Gallo told cops, who noticed he reeked of booze. Gallo, who was arrested in 1999 for urinating in public, refused a Breathalyzer test.

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Craig, Craig, Craig. Not your finest hour. I’m not judging here, either. You want to go have a threesome with two 60 year old people? Be my guest. Have yourself a day. But when you just stop captaining the boat and it crashes you really shouldn’t be surprised when the court takes away all your licenses. There are a lot of people I don’t want on the road or the open seas, and Captain Threesome is pretty high on that list. He obviously lacks discipline. What if he’s driving along the freeway and he gets the text “3some asap” and just rolls out of the car? Or what if HE CRASHES HIS BOAT BECAUSE HE WAS HAVING A THREESOME WITH TWO 60 YEAR OLDS? Wait, that already happened? Yeah, how about we never give him back either of those licenses.

– Ryan

Oh You Know Just Bill Murray Crashing A Couple’s Engagement Photo Shoot

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If I had to bet on one couple making it, it would be these guys. When you have the pleasure of sharing one of life’s moments with Bill Murray, you embrace it. It could be a drink at the bar or your actual engagement photo shoot. Either way, the answer is always yes. There’s Bill Murray, Bill Paxton, George Clooney and then there’s everybody else.

– Ryan

Tucker Carlson Doesn’t Think Falling Alseep While Driving and Causing a Death is Reckless Driving…Wait What?

“I’m not trying to take anything away from the tragedy of this,” Carlson replied. “But 10 years in jail for falling asleep? It strikes me as very different from taking drugs, drinking. Has that ever happened? Has anybody ever actually gone to jail for falling asleep?”

“For falling asleep and causing a death?” Schwartz asked. “Absolutely.”

“But, I mean sometimes people — and I’m not defending anyone here,” Carlson continued. “I’m really struck by the idea that someone who falls asleep — which is something that everybody does every day, not necessarily considered an act of recklessness — does it unintentionally, nods off is a criminal.” – UPROXX

The only good thing about this interview is that Fox News had the brains to put an actual lawyer on the air to dispute everything this moron Tucker Carlson was saying. Falling asleep while driving a vehicle, not to mention a semi truck, might as well be the exact definition of reckless driving. There’s a reason most people fall asleep in a bed or on a couch: because they’re laying down not doing anything. like say, driving a car. Obviously this wasn’t intentional by the truck driver, but if you operate a vehicle and fall asleep and that act kills someone then you go to jail. In Tucker Carlson’s world I guess we’d just chalk it up a loss because everyone falls asleep. That’s like saying its OK to go out naked in public because everybody, every day, is naked at some point. But you can’t just go around hanging dong and expect not be picked up for it. Just like you can’t drive a semi truck and decide it’s nap time. Go back to Waterloo, Tucker.

– Ryan

Paul Walker, We Barely Knew You

There isn’t anything that can be said here that hasn’t been said already. Paul is gone too soon and will be sorely missed by his family, friends, and fans.

Am I said about his passing?……..

Yes, very much.

-MattyV

PS- My fantasy football season is dedicated to him.

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