This week’s Monster Blog focuses on forms of communication pre-dating electricity. Essentially, if you could go back in time what would be your preferred method of communication? How would you tell your bros to meet you down at the waterhole or to get ready for a hunt? Here is how The Average Nobodies would do it.

Giraffe

First off, I know what you’re thinking. “Matt, where the hell are you going to find a giraffe”. Let me just say…I know a guy. Sending message by giraffe is a triple threat of communication skills. 1. Height. Need to send a message to someone on the third floor? Done. 2. Speed. Not quite as fast as a cheetah, but with giant strides of its giant legs my message will be half way across town in 5 steps flat. And 3. Riding ability/style. If I ever need a ride anywhere i’d be traveling around in style. Might even mount it by sliding down its neck. Fred Flinstone style.

-Matt

Message in a Bottle

I hate birds, so that immediately disqualifies pigeons or hawks or ravens. The next best thing is naturally a message in a bottle. You ever see that Kevin Costner movie? That would be if I grew up before electricity. Just collecting bottles and letting the tides do the rest. Luckily I’m a patient man, so I have no problem waiting for that special someone to get my message of love. In the meantime, I develop a longevity potion that quadruples my life expectancy. In the year 2014, Clooney finally gets my message start in a modern adaptation of Romeo and Juliet. End scene.

– Ryan