Blog Archives

The Video Of A Flock Of Birds Taking Over This Guy’s House Is Literally My Worst Nightmare

I don’t know why these people were so calm, because if this happened to me not only would there be no video evidence but I’d never step foot in that house again. I’d burn it to the ground and never look back. The birds takeover is real, and now they’re infiltrating our homes. The same homes we’re supposed to feel safe in. I’m ok with conceding outside to the birds; they can fly and do whatever they want outside, but once they start entering homes it’s basically the beginning of the end of the human race. Everyone else is worried about nuclear wars and psychotic world leaders and the birds are sneaking in right under our noses. This is the worst start to a week in the history of the world.

– Ryan


The ‘My Spy Birdhouse’ is the Creepiest Product in the History of the World

Have you ever wanted to see INSIDE a birdhouse? Have you ever wanted to spy on birds and see exactly what the fuck they’re doing in there? No. I can honestly say I’ve never wanted to spy on a bunch of birds in their birdhouse. It’s not like their having philosophical discussions on how to save the world or watching movies on big screen TVs. They’re throwing up in each other’s mouths and sleeping and having sex with each other. You wanna know who the next psychotic serial killer is? Monitor anyone who buys this product. It starts with spying on birds and ends with wearing your neighbor’s skin as a coat.

– Ryan

I Have A New Worst Nightmare, and it’s Name is The Peregrine Falcon

I hate birds. Let me rephrase that: I’m deathly afraid of birds. It’s a trait I inherited from my mother, who inherited it from her mother before her. To be honest I’m not quite sure why more people don’t fear them. Have you ever seen a hawk up close? No thanks. I’ll be a stay at home dad who makes sure the floor is washed and the clothes are folded. I was enjoying my day off like any other red blooded American does on a Tuesday (watching Maury) until I stumbled upon this gem of a video. I’ve literally never been more afraid of something in my life. Some fun facts about the peregrine falcon: it’s a raptor, or bird of prey, and it’s one of the most widely distributed species of bird in the world, found in every continent except Antarctica. Looks like I’m buying snow shoes and getting the fuck out of here.

– Ryan

P.S. This just proves those Red Bull athletes are the most insane people on Earth. “Hey Jimmy ride your bike down this mountain, oh and I’m gonna let a raptor chase after you and peck your dick off.”

%d bloggers like this: