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Rihanna is the Female Version of Drake, Parties With the German Soccer Team After Their World Cup Victory

 

Rihanna is such a HUGE Germany fan. The only credit she gets is that tweeted out a weirdly photo shopped picture of herself in a German flag bikini before the game. Other than that, I never really understood this outlook. Drake does the same thing with the NBA. He’s from Toronto, where he can be seen sitting courtside lint rolling his pants because if I’m a player on the Raptors THAT’S who I want rooting me on. But then he goes to the All Star game in a Lebron jersey or has weekly tea and scrumpet’s dates with Dwight Howard and Kevin Durant. Drake must’ve rubbed off on Rihanna (you’re welcome) because she’s rooted for just about every team in the World Cup. On her twitter she’s rooted for the Netherlands, Belgium, France, USA and Germany. I can understand not having a dog in the race and just kind of having fun, but where is the loyalty? It can’t be fun just rooting on whatever team advances to the next round. Rooting for a team that breaks your heart makes you who you are. It’s the beauty of sports, which makes the winning part that much more fun. Maybe Rihanna has figured out some sort of sports fan loophole, but I think you should stick to your guns. I’m sure the German soccer team would’ve partied with her no matter what team she rooted for. Lucky sons of bitches.

– Ryan

 

 

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Remember That Hot Belgium World Cup Fan Who Got a Modeling Contract? It’s Gone

World CupsFrench cosmetics giant L’Oréal has cut its ties with a Belgian football fan it had scouted as a hair model in the stands in Brazil after pictures of her on a big game hunting trip sparked outrage online.

Seventeen-year old Axelle Despiegelaere made headlines after she was photographed during the World Cup and was dubbed the “most beautiful” football supporter.

The photographs not only went viral, but also landed her a contract to star in a L’Oréal Professionnel Belgique social media campaign, including a “hair tutorial” video that sees her getting a L’Oreal hair treatment and has received more than one million views since it was posted on Tuesday.

However, the French company has decided to cut ties with Ms Despiegelaere, insisting that she is not a spokesperson for the brand and her contract has been “completed”. The announcement comes after a series of photographs on Facebook showed her posing next to a dead animal while holding a rifle on a hunting trip.

A L’Oreal spokesperson told The Independent: “L’Oréal Professionnel Belgium collaborated with her on an ad hoc basis to produce a video for social media use in Belgium. The contract has now been completed.”

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Poor girl. 17 years old. Incredibly beautiful. At the World Cup to cheer on her home country. I really don’t know how she’s going to take this kind of heartbreak. She’ll probably be shunned in her native village (I picture any place that’s not America full of villages). I might just have to fly to Belgium to cheer her up with my rapist wit. Fire up and the internet and find me a map. Ryan’s going to Belgium.

– Ryan

P.S. Have yourself a day Axelle

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So Warren Sapp is a Jackass

BOYWarren Sapp was flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct on Tuesday.

The Hall of Fame defensive tackle was outed on Twitter for not leaving a tip for a 26-year-old waitress after watching the U.S. vs. Belgium World Cup game at Upper Deck Sports Bar and Grill in Miami.

The bill cost $69.39, but Sapp wrote on it “boys don’t tip,” after the waitress called Sapp and his friend “boys.”

Sapp defended his actions on Twitter, also adding that the service was indeed poor.

“She kept calling us boys so the tip Fit!” Sapp tweeted.

“I left it was horrible and the service was the worst,” he added.

The waitress, who is only going by Corey, spoke with WINZ-AM in Miami to give her side of the story.

“I walked over to his table. It was him and one other guy and I said, ‘Hey boys, what I can I get you to drink?’ And he was like ‘We’re not boys. I’m a man,'” Corey told the radio station. “I mean, saying ‘Hey men, what do you want to drink?’ sounds kind of weird, I think. I go with ‘boys’ a lot. It sounds more youthful.”

Corey added she did not think calling them “boys” was offensive.

“It’d just be [like] if I went up to a table of girls, I’d say ‘hey girls’–or ‘hey ladies.’”

 

I think it’s time to face the music, Warren. You weren’t mad this waitress called you and your friend “boys”. You weren’t mad at the service. You’re broke. You’ve been broke. Yet you still want to go out and have some beers and spend money like an ex NFL player should, except you’re an idiot and don’t have any money left. Usually when waitresses or whoever put receipts online it’s unnecessary, but I’m glad this got out. Warren Sapp had all this “swag” when he was a player and exudes the same “confidence” as an analyst. I call false bravado if you can’t tip a waitress on a $60 check. I think it’s time for Warren to go “college kid”: ramen noodles, cold pasta and hot pockets. At least then he’d be putting his money where his mouth is.

– Ryan

Mike Tyson is the Latest Celebrity to Endorse Team USA And Now I’m Legitimately Scared For the Citizens of Belgium

My favorite subplot of the World Cup is the random slew of celebrities coming out to support Team USA. The latest one is Mike Tyson, who I can confidently say has no idea what soccer or the World Cup is, but he’s supporting America so it’s OK. I also don’t know if getting Mike Tyson all riled up is a good thing. There’s a solid chance he’s going to go home tonight and look up Belgium on a map and make it his mission to make sure they never breathe life again. There are a lot of things in this world I’d test my might against, but a focused Mike Tyson is not one of them. If I were Belgium, I’d forfeit right now. Keep your country intact while you still can.

– Ryan

New Trailer – ‘Fury’ [Starring Brad Pitt]

Brad Pitt loves killing Germans.  This cast has the potential for one hell of a movie. Michael Pena has had my attention ever since ‘End of Watch’.

-Matt

Yay or Nay on ‘Teddy Goalsevelt’ Being the Face of US Soccer in Brazil?

First off the name is great. It’s not everyday you can incorporate a soccer term into the name of an American president from the early 20th century. Secondly, the outfit is great. Love the Jumanji aspect of it. Really anytime you have the chance to dress like a character from Jumanji you have to take it. That’s not a costume or soccer rule; that’s a life rule. Thirdly, this guy looks strikingly similar to Teddy Roosevelt. Have we ruled out that this guy is a Teddy Roosevelt impersonator who stumbled into the stadium and the internet just took over from there? Seems like an American internet-y thing to do: find a fan dressed like Teddy Roosevelt and turn him into an American soccer icon. My only reservation is that the US didn’t win last night. The whole point of being “the face” of something is that you’re a good luck charm. Good luck charms don’t let their team lose in the 94th minute of a World Cup game. If we beat/draw against Germany then I’m sold on Teddy Goalsevelt. If we lose I want his head on a Brazilian spike.

– Ryan

Danielle Fishel (Topanga) Has the Potential to Have the Longest Prime Ever

The cast of ‘Girl Meets World’ threw out the first pitch at the Dodgers game last night, and I’m definitely not going to spend my whole summer re-watching ‘Boy Meets World’ because I miss it so much. Anyway, an important revelation came out of last night’s first pitch: Danielle Fishel, who played Topanga, is still smoking hot. She did a Maxim spread last year that was probably my favorite thing ever, and to see her again last night solidified the fact that she’s in the middle of one of the longest primes of all-time. Topanga Lawrence’s is my generation’s TV crush, so my opinion may be biased, but you can’t deny the photographic evidence of her insane hotness.

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That’s a solid 15 years of greatness, and she’s only 33. With her genes and the advancement in modern science, I could see her continuing this trend for another 10-15 years. Show me someone who wasn’t in love with Topanga Lawrence and I’ll show you a piece of shit liar. It’s as simple as that.

– Ryan

Monster Blog Wednesday: Soccer Goal Celebrations

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I think it’s safe to say World Cup fever has caught on in America, and if I’m not mistaken, I think the United States has already won the whole tournament. Since neither of us have the skill or stamina to ever play in an actual soccer match, never mind a World Cup game, we thought it’d be realistic to figure out what our goal celebration would be. We’ve seen some sweet celebrations so far, but I have a feeling our own insane moves are going to blow every other celebrations out of the water.

Ryan – ‘The Conductor’

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I usually try to keep things simple, but if there’s anything I’ve learned so far this world cup, it’s that long, drawn out celebrations are the best celebrations. Once I score my goal and am released from the hospital for running the entire field, I immediately launch into ‘The Conductor’. The crowd, the opponents, the coaches and the rest of my team do not exist during my celebration; when I’m in conductor mode it’s just me and my imaginary symphony orchestra. A little rat, a little tat tat, and just like that, I have the whole crowd in my hands. Classy, original, not strenuous – ‘The Conductor’ is the perfect goal celebration.

 

Matt – ‘The Air Guitar’

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Soccer seems ok, it’s not my cup of beer, but it seems ok. If I were to be asked to give one suggestion on what would make soccer better, and i’m not sure I would ever be asked that, I would tell them that it needs to be more “Rock n’ Roll”. Leather pants, long hair, groupies (and not of the soccer variety, no. I’m talking cigarette smoking, way too much eye shadow type groupies), and lots of electric guitar. Picture this: I’m running down the field, hair in the wind, and my teammate sets me up with the most insane header you have ever seen! (and just to be clear I only score with headers) GOAL GOAL GOAL! That is when I make my way, slowly, to the center of the field where I play a full songs worth of air guitar. ‘Stairway to Heaven’, ‘Dirty Deeds’, and anything by “Foreigner” would be my go-tos, but it all depends on how i’m feeling at that moment.

 

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