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3 Things Give Me Faith In Humanity

This world is full of hate and uncertainty. But, among the rubble of a society tearing itself apart there are beacons of hope I look to.  Once these are gone then we have truly lost our way.

  1. The High Beam Flash – Your speeding down a road when suddenly someone coming from the opposite way flashes you with their high beams.  You immediately slow down and sure enough right around the corner is a cop, just waiting to tag you will a $100+ dollar speeding ticket.  EVEN IF YOU WERE ONLY GOING 8 OVER TH…….never mind, I digress. This is the ultimate “help thy neighbor” move.  Not to mention I’m pretty sure it’s one of the Ten Commandments.  Yeah, something like: “Thou shalt always warn a fellow driver when a pig layith in wait around a bend”.  I read that…in a book.
  2. YouTube Videos –  Here’s the scenario, you are setting up your new wifi router and cant get it to work.  Obviously you already threw out the manual (who reads those fucking things anyway) so you are kinda screwed.  But wait! The best resource on how-to’s since Google is right in front of you; YouTube.  The amount of tutorial videos on Youtube is insane to me! How in the world do these people have the time to build and review a piece of furniture they got from Ikea?! Don’t get me wrong, i’m not complaining.  I use these videos all the time and I salute the people who make them.  Maybe i’ll start making some helpful Youtube videos and stop posting videos of my friends getting hurt. I said MAYBE.
  3. Halloween –  (Credit to Tom Pags) Halloween is the one time of year when people can go door to door to complete strangers house and get free candy! And on the flip side people are opening up their doors to complete strangers dressed at David Bowie and giving them free stuff!  Any other time of the year and you are telling those people to take a hike, or in some parts of the country, blowing their heads off with a .22.  Other holidays you are only giving to people you know but on Halloween you give to everyone.  When Halloween goes, thats when you know its time to panic.  A little “FYI” for ya. If your house gives apples you are not participating in Halloween; take a hike.

-MattyV

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The Four Types of People You Follow On Twitter

Four Types of Twitter Follows

I have a confession to make: I love Twitter. It’s Facebook’s cool, hot cousin and it’s taken over the world. You can’t turn on a show without seeing each person’s twitter handle flashed beneath their name plate. While Twitter is mostly a positive thing, it does have one major drawback: anyone can tweet. Personally, I like to follow a lot of celebrities and professional wrestlers, which most of the time is really cool, primarilly because of the chance to interact with people who you would normally only be able to watch on TV. For every John Krasinki and Aaron Paul, there are thousands of keyboard warriors who ruin my day. With that said, here are the four types of people you follow on Twitter.

Celebrities

(Actors, Athletes, Musicians, Comedians) – Love ’em. I’m a huge movie, TV, sports fan, so to to be able to see celebrities interact via social media has always seemed cool to me. It almost feels like I’ve entered their inner circle, and I’m step one away from Clooney’s fancy, skinny dipping parties. I rank the celebrities slightly higher than my friends, mainly because celebrities post pictures of their yachts in Cabo and my friends post pictures of each other sleeping. (FYI: Clooney and Bill Paxton don’t have Twitter, and no I’m not ok with it.)

Stage 1 & 2 Friends

96% of my Twitter followers are people I’ve met at some point in my life. (the other 4% are sex bots) I’m not a complete savage, so naturally I follow some of those people back. Stage 1 friends are the people I associate with on a day-to-day or at least semi frequent basis. Then you have the Stage 2 or outer crust friends. These are the people you see at a bar on a random Friday night and they say “it’s been too long” but in the back of your mind your thinking even if you lived to be 500 years old it would be too soon to see them. Most of them live the same life as me, and I’m sure they’re just as bored with my tweets as I am with theirs, but without them, my @ tab would never have a down arrow. Celebrities may be cooler, but friends are more important (Clooney and Bill Paxton once again are the exceptions)

News-Breakers

Not quite celebrities, definitely not friends. But an integral part of your Twitter life nonetheless. Adam Schefter may be a midget, but on draft day, he’s the tallest man in the room. Consistently breaking NFL related stories before all the major networks (including his own). Depending on the season, this type of tweeter could potentially sneak into my top spot. Whether it’s movie news (indiewire) wrestling news (ewrestling) or random celebrity insanity (TMZ), the news breakers will always hold a special place in my peanut sized heart.

Porn Stars

I had to seperate the porn stars from the celebrities. Now when I first started following porn stars on Twitter, I expected them to be like everyone else. Do they get stuffed up for a living? Yes they do. But I gave them the benefit of the doubt, and asssumed their tweets would be just like any other self respecting actress. Boy was I wrong. Some of the filthiest shit I have ever seen in words has come from the fingers of one Bibi Jones. Oh you can’t find a decent guy? Maybe don’t tweet about jamming objects into every hole of your body next time. (Keep tweeting nude pics please)

Are there more than four types of people on Twitter? No.

Ryan

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