Blog Archives

Yay or Nay on ‘Teddy Goalsevelt’ Being the Face of US Soccer in Brazil?

First off the name is great. It’s not everyday you can incorporate a soccer term into the name of an American president from the early 20th century. Secondly, the outfit is great. Love the Jumanji aspect of it. Really anytime you have the chance to dress like a character from Jumanji you have to take it. That’s not a costume or soccer rule; that’s a life rule. Thirdly, this guy looks strikingly similar to Teddy Roosevelt. Have we ruled out that this guy is a Teddy Roosevelt impersonator who stumbled into the stadium and the internet just took over from there? Seems like an American internet-y thing to do: find a fan dressed like Teddy Roosevelt and turn him into an American soccer icon. My only reservation is that the US didn’t win last night. The whole point of being “the face” of something is that you’re a good luck charm. Good luck charms don’t let their team lose in the 94th minute of a World Cup game. If we beat/draw against Germany then I’m sold on Teddy Goalsevelt. If we lose I want his head on a Brazilian spike.

– Ryan


Alex Morgan May Have Just Single Handedly Willed Team USA To a Win Tonight

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No way we lose this game now. Not with Alex Morgan and her fine self on our side.

– Ryan

Is There Some Big Soccer Tournament Going on Today That I don’t Know About?



I joke, I joke. I keeed, I keeed. The World cup is upon us, and while I have less than zero knowledge about soccer I do know one thing…….


Captain Morgan Learned the Hard Way That Americans Will Literally Eat or Drink Taco Flavored Anything


I love the effort here on Captain Morgan’s part, but when you bring tacos into the mix you’re just over matched. We will literally eat or drink anything with the word taco in it. It doesn’t even have to taste like tacos. You just have to put the word in there and people will go for it. I really wouldn’t be surprised if people start an uproar because this DOESN’T exist. In the 24 hours it took to come out as a joke I bet millions of people planned Captain Morgan taco party’s this weekend. Part of me wants to say its cool but a much larger part of me thinks its disturbing. But then that small part of me eats a taco and everything makes sense again. Better luck next year, Captain.

– Ryan

SXSW 2014 in Pictures


Beer + Street Meat + Average Nobodies = BlissIMG_20140310_111550 IMG_20140311_153304
Waiting to see Jimmy Kimmel Live from Austin! IMG_20140311_185207 IMG_20140309_110116 IMG_20140309_110339IMAG0069
Getting ready for our mission to MarsIMG_20140309_110845 1394729787646 1394729865897IMG_20140309_224019 IMG_20140309_225544
This man [Sunny Wolf] has the fingers of an angelIMG_20140308_213245 IMG_20140309_093626
A little shameless self-promoting never hurt anyone IMG_20140309_095542 IMG_20140309_104645download_20140308_101553_20140308_101440
Walking the red carpet like a couple of big timersdownload_20140313_110943DSC03013
Seth Rogan, Zach Effron, Mclovin, Ike Barinhotltz, and Dave Franco!DSC03018 DSC03020
Jon FaverauIMAG0055

IMAG0061 IMAG0063 IMAG0064 IMAG0068 IMAG0070 IMAG0078

Can you tell we were in Texas?IMAG0083
Getting ready to shoot Twitter News Weekly from the streets of Austin!DSC03023
Q&A from Tye Sheridan and Nick Cage after their movie ‘Joe’

Vanilla Ice Was Named “Outstanding Citizen of the Year”. In Other News I Need to Reevaluate my Life


Vanilla Ice is being named citizen of the year by the South Florida town where he lives, according to reports.

The 1990s one-hit-wonder, best known for his hit single “Ice Ice Baby,” will be named “Outstanding Citizen of the Year” by Wellington’s chamber of commerce during an event on Feb. 26.

Officials said they will honor the rapper, whose given name is Rob Van Winkle, for his “spirit of giving and dedication” to Wellington, the Associated Press reported.

Mr. Van Winkle has contributed to several local charities in Wellington and also films his DIY Network reality show “The Vanilla Ice Project” there. -Washington Times

I mean…good for V-Ice, but how bad is Wellington Florida doing? You already have a state FULL of crazies and you name Vanilla Ice “Most outstanding”? I got news for you Florida that’s like giving the title of warden to one of the crazies at the asylum. Again, good for Vanilla Ice. I have had nothing but love for the one-hit wonder since he joined forces with the Insane Clown Posse. Keep up what you are doing and never, ever, make a movie again.


Let’s Go USA Hockey!

We’ll be following along vicariously through our Twitter feed (@averagenobodies) but that doesn’t mean we can’t show some good old fashioned American pride. Down with the Czechs!

– Average Nobodies

The Nobodies Sing The National Anthem

Marvin Gaye. Whitney Houston. Queen Latifah. Entertainment stars singing the national anthem at big time sporting events is a tradition that is as old as time itself. While performing the anthem at the Superbowl or World Series is a huge honor, we feel that the ultimate pat on the back would be singing it for your home country during the Olympics. The Olympic’s may be in Russia this year, but there’s no such thing as being over prepared. When they come back to America, remember this day. For this is the day the Average Nobodies stole the hearts of Americans everywhere. Hit the music!

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