Roger Goodell is allowing the early round players drafted in tonights NFL draft to pick their own walk up song. Rog, may I call you Rog? Rog, this is a fantastic idea. We here at the Average Nobodies fully support anytime someone can put their personal touch on something. So, in light of this breaking news, The Average Nobodies have provided their walk up songs for when the NFL wakes up and realizes our immense talent. Here they are:
Rest in Peace (The Undertaker’s Theme Song)
I’m pretty sure 99% of the people on this planet have seen The Undertaker’s entrance at some point in their life, so I’m going to skip over explaining it. Just know that when I say The Undertaker’s entrance song, I mean the entire experience. Before Goodell can get my name out as the next pick, the lights will go out at Radio City Music Hall. The gong will hit, followed by an immense amount of smoke. So much smoke that people actually think something’s on fire. 15-20 minutes later I come out from backstage in full decorative garb to try on my Cleveland Browns jersey. Basically I ruin the entire NFL Draft.
Tiny Dancer, played live by Sir Elton
The most important part about my draft song isn’t that it’s Tiny Dancer by Sir Elton John, but in fact, that it’s Tiny Dancer played LIVE by Sir Elton John. Maybe I throw some interpretive dance in there, maybe I don’t, either way this draft pick will be one for the ages. Whether I go as a punter to the Oakland Raiders (they love skill positions on the west coast) or I get scooped up as a running back for the Bucs (move over Dougie) this song will encapsulate my emotions perfectly.
It’s not really fair to pick Vince McMahon for “Badass of the WEEK”, because in reality Vince is Badass of the century, maybe millennium. Laying in my bed last night I tried to come up with how I was going to tackle the feat of fitting all of Vince’s Badassery into one blog post. In all honesty it’s impossible, so I found some pictures to help tell the story.
Father, grandfather, devoted husband, billionaire, philanthropist, professional wrestler, CEO, sports entertainment visionary, marketing genius, and television pioneer are only a fraction of the things that describe Vinnie Mac. On the eve of Vince’s baby, Wrestlemania, lets all sit back and remember who made professional wrestling what it is today. Who took small territories and raised them up to the world stage? Who created the longest running episodic television show in history? Who created a billion dollar industry while at the same time giving back every step of the way? Vince did all that PLUS more.
No matter what happens week to week in WWE my friends and I always remind ourselves one thing: “In Vince we trust”.
Vince McMahon is a badass.
If WWE fans have the balls to complain about last night’s Raw, then maybe they should just stop watching. Are you going to complain that two of the greatest superstars returned on the same night? How about you complain about the two really good matches between Cesaro/Big E and Daniel Bryan/Kane. Or maybe you can complain about the Bray Wyatt/Roman Reigns match that everyone has been clamoring for yet the live crowd shit all over. Or that Hulk Hogan’s boa was too long or Undertaker’s hair was too short. I really don’t think any combination of three hour show is ever going to make wrestling fans happy. If I’m the WWE I would say screw the fans and do whatever makes you the most money. Then turn that money sideways and stick it straight up their candy asses.