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I Sincerely Hope Showing Up To Prom In A Hearse & Coffin Doesn’t Become A Thing

Talk about making an entrance.

Megan Flaherty, a student at Pennsauken High School, decided not eschew the traditional prom entrance in limo or fancy car and instead showed up in a wooden coffin, complete with her own hearse. In the video that’s quickly going viral, Flaherty’s date Stephen Caldwell and family friend Dennis McGee are seen opening the back of a hearse and unloading a casket.

Doing her best Undertaker impression, Flaherty then rises out of the casket (holding flowers and wearing a bright blue dress) as fellow students watching burst into applause.

The scene, though unusual by prom standards, actually makes sense because Flaherty hopes to become a funeral director after college.

“She just really took to it,” her mom Susan told NJ.com about her daughter’s career aspirations. “She thought it was an honorable thing and an honorable way to make a living.”

Flaherty’s brother, who does not plan on becoming a funeral director, was also at the prom. He did not arrive in a hearse. – SI.COM

I’m simultaneously worried and fascinated by this story. On the worried hand, this girl showed up to prom in a hearse and wooden coffin. Her date, who is probably wondering where it all went wrong, helped her out of the hearse along with a ‘family friend’ who I guess just does these type of things? On the fascinated hand I need to know everything about Megan Flaherty. Not only did she pull this stunt off, but she wants to be a modern day Paul Bearer and become a funeral director.  I understand that’s a real job but it’s not one I would really think about as a future career choice. I just didn’t think people aspired to be funeral directors. Then along comes Megan Flaherty and turns my entire world upside down. What a world we live in.

Also, my favorite part about this article are the last two sentences. I guess we can’t all be funeral directors.

-Ryan

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The Undertaker & His Hell in a Cell Birthday Cake Might Be My New Favorite Picture

The Undertaker will be fighting Shane McMahon inside Hell in a Cell in 10 days, but first he’s going to “celebrate” his birthday. I put the word celebrate in quotes because no man has ever looked more unhappy while surrounded by cake and toys. I guess that’s what happens when you spend your adult life getting buried alive, surviving flaming coffins and literally crucifying people. If we’re being honest, we wouldn’t have him any other way.

-Ryan

Shane McMahon Returned To The WWE Last Night In One Of The Most Genuinely Shocking & Exciting Moments in #RAW History

I’m not going to lie, I watched this entire segment standing up 2 feet from my TV. When Shane’s music hit, I leapt off my couch and just could not contain my excitement. WWE is known to pull out all the stops when it comes to WrestleMania season, but this was one of the most genuinely exciting moments in recent memory. A lot of it goes back to what I wrote about Daniel Bryan a few weeks ago. His retirement was so sad because it gives his career a finite end. Wrestling fans want to believe that their favorite wrestler, whether he/she is 20, 30, 40 or 100, will always return. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fantasy booked Shane McMahon returning in my head, and now it’s finally happened. You don’t get feelings like this in other sports. In 10 years from now, Tom Brady isn’t going to come out at halftime of a playoff game if the Patriots QB gets hurts. David Ortiz is going to pinch hit in a World Series game 20 years from now. But in pro wrestling, you never fucking know.

As far as the actual segment goes, LISTEN TO THAT CROWD. That is a pop usually reserves for a Stone Cold or The Rock, but here’s Shane McMahon, in his suit and Jordan’s, shuffling across the stage like never left. Shane was a huge part of the success of the Attitude Era, and he’s involved in a lot of my favorite moments. Shane vs. Kurt Angle at KOTR, Shane falling from the god damn Titan Tron, Shane vs. Vince at WM 17. Now that’s back, he only wants one thing: control of Monday Night Raw. Vince says he can have it under one condition: he must beat The Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match at WrestleMania.

That, my friends, is how you sell your audience on WrestleMania. Combine this segment with the end segment, which saw HHH brutalize Roman Reigns, and you have to main events that are sure to blow us away. If the Mean Street Posse comes out and helps Shane I might actually burn my house to the ground.

-Ryan

 

Your Average #WWE Summerslam Preview & Predictions

WWE’s monster weekend will continue on Sunday night as Summerslam is live from the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, the same venue that will host TakeOver the night before and Raw the night after. For the first time ever, Summerslam is four hours long, which is both a tribute and a sad reminder of how stacked WWE’s roster is. For as talented as they are, and as great as the matches will be, it’s still tough to think of how much better the event would be with some solid lead up writing. The show is headlined by the Undertaker/Brock Lesnar rematch and the title vs. title bout between John Cena and Seth Rollins. Let’s get to the preview and predictions!

Team Bella vs. Team B.A.D. vs. Team PCB (Divas Elimination Match)

I believe the stipulation for this match states that only one member of each team needs to pinned or submitted for that team to be eliminated. If I had to pick the most logical situation, it would be Nikki Bella getting submitted by either Sasha or Charlotte, which would finally set up some kind of Diva’s title structure. No other scenario makes any sense, and if the WWE does anything else they’re proving they don’t mind staying stagnant. The only problem with that is they keep labeling this as a ‘revolution’. Revolutions do not stay stagnant, they evolve. As great as the women’s wrestling has been, it’s also been aimless. Becky Lynch is tapping out Tamina and Sasha is tapping out Nikki and nothing is changing. The rumor is WWE is stalling for the next month until Nikki becomes the longest reigning Divas champion ever, but it’s time to shit or get off the pot. I have Sasha losing the night before to Bayley, so now all three NXT women should be hungry for the Diva’s title. If I had to bet, I’d say Charlotte gets first crack at it.

Prediction: Charlotte figure 8’s Nikki for the win.

The Prime Time Players (C) vs. Los Matadores vs. The Lucha Dragons vs. The New Day (WWE Tag Team Championship Match)

As great as the PTP have been as champions both in the ring and on commentary, I’m not pure evil, and I can’t root against the New Day (just look at that gif above. LOOK AT IT). Between the skipping and clapping on their way to ring, Xavier Woods’ ringside commentary and their general wonderfulness, New Day has consistently been the best act on WWE TV for awhile. Lucha Dragons and Los Matadores both equally have a zero percent change of winning, but they should contribute to the overall match. I’m pulling for a New Day win, and the way they’ve been losing lately, I can see Xavier Woods getting the best of El Torito and everyone else and helping his partners win back the belts.

Prediction: per usual, heart > head: New. Day Rocks.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Rusev

Rusev, along with New Day, are my favorite characters on WWE TV. Every time he talks on the microphone it’s wonderful, whether he’s giving Summer Lana a dog (named DOG ZIGGLER) or threatening to break people into pieces like a jigsaw puzzle, he always nails it. Unfortunately, we haven’t seen much of his ring ability lately, as he’s been relegated to murdering Mark Henry’s lifeless corpse for the last few weeks. That should change Sunday, and Rusev should look good, because he’s facing the human selling machine in Ziggler. Usually when WWE runs angles like this, a guy like Ziggler will come out on top, but Ziggler loses pretty much every match he’s ever in, so I’m going with Rusev. Lana keeps goading Summer and Rusev into these arguments and attacks by continually showing up on commentary for Rusev’s matches, so I kind of hope she gets knocked out by Summer. Side by side accolades while Rusev’s personalized Bulgarian flag floats down from the ceiling would make my heart explode with joy.

Prediction: Rusev.

Stephen Amell And Neville vs. Stardust And King Barrett

I think this might be the sleeper match of the night. You have three excellent talents matched up with an athletic celebrity who genuinely enjoys WWE and can pick his spots to look good. Amell is a physical freak, as shown by his quickness on Raw a few weeks ago, and he’s matched up with Neville, who I’m still not sure is a real human being. Amell and Neville are definitely going over, but I have faith that Stardust and the ‘Cosmic King’ will make the match entertaining. With 9 other matches on the card, this one should definitely stand out, and I hope Amell and Neville have a unique entrance planned. The Red & Green Arrow together is too good of an opportunity to pass up.

Prediction: Amell and Neville.

Ryback vs. Big Show vs. The Miz (Intercontinental Championship Triple Threat Match)

I’m not really into this match, and I can’t imagine many people are, but when you have 10 matches on a card you kind of have to defend one of the main titles. Ryback is the latest victim of the IC title curse, and just recently returned from an injury and a staph infection. Big Show is Big Show, what you see is what you get, and Miz is desperately trying to get this feud over, but it feels like it’s been going on forever. When in doubt, the champion retains, which is what should happen here. Maybe phase Show out and have Ryback feud with Miz, or just start from scratch and give Ryback some fresh meat.

Prediction: The Big Guy.

Randy Orton vs. Sheamus

So Bored

I really hope Orton and Sheamus put their thinking caps on Sunday night, because if they don’t, the Brooklyn crowd is going to eat them alive. This is one of those matches that HAS to be placed perfectly on the card. Their best bet is to go second after a really hot opener of either Owens/Cesaro or the Divas, because if they go too late in the show the crowd will get restless and just shit all over them. These guys are both methodical, and at this point in both of their careers are only tolerable when they have someone who contrast their style. Orton is based solely off his finisher, and so is Sheamus, and all their transition moves have been seen so many times you can pretty much watch their matches with your eyes closed and know what’s going to happen. That’s not a good thing. I have no idea what’s in store for Orton, but Sheamus has been getting pinned an awful lot lately, and it’d be smart for WWE to give Mr. MITB some forward momentum.

Prediction: Sheamus

Kevin Owens vs. Cesaro

I was going to list this match as my sleeper of the night, but when everyone is expecting it to be great and it still delivers, it’s kind of tough to label it a sleeper. I believe this match should open the show, go 20 minutes, and feature both guys figuratively saying “follow that”. You have four hours, why not? We’ve seen what both these guys can do, so I say just let them both loose and have them tear the damn house down. Cesaro is my favorite wrestler, but I’ve already come to the conclusion that he’s going to lose this one. Owens is more than likely losing at TakeOver, and losing twice in the same weekend in big time matches is not really the right direction for him. Once again, WWE has booked themselves into a corner with a young wrestler after a Cena feud, so Owens kind of has to win here to get back on track.

Prediction: Kevin Owens

John Cena vs. Seth Rollins (Title vs. Title Match)

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This is the match that scares me the most, as do most Cena matches, and I can’t see it ending without a schmoz. Rollins defeating Cena and owning both belts just sets us up for Cena to win them both back down the line, and Cena winning both belts at any point makes me want to vomit. All this talk about Cena elevating the US Championship is great, but has he really? Is the US Championship really any more special than it was before Mania? Say a guy like Rusev wins it from Cena and just does what he did with it pre Mania, how would that change the perception of the belt? Cena has elevated himself, sure, and he’s tried to get back in the ‘internet’ fans good graces by giving all of our darlings (Cesaro, Neville, Rusev, Owens) title shots, but he’s continually won. I’m not drinking the John Cena Kool-Aid, because I really don’t think he’s done a thing for the US belt. And now he’s back to being the #1 contender because someone broke his nose. It’s comical if you think about it, and I can’t wait for the hate columns six months from now when the WWE still hasn’t made a new star. How could they when Cena is back in the title scene every six months? I say the Authority interferes, and we have some kind of title vs. title rematch at Night of Champions.

Prediction: if Cena wins we complain.

The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar

Will the WWE schmoz both of their main events for Summerslam? I really can’t see either of the two main events ending clean, but I guess if one of the matches had to end clean it would be this one. First off, the Undertaker should not win. Brock Lesnar is the best thing going in pro wrestling right now, and he should not be losing the main event of Summerslam so 50 year old Undertaker can get his WrestleMania loss back. The way they’ve set up this feud, it looks like Lesnar is going to win. They had the pull apart brawl, with neither guy getting the upper hand, and besides that, the other two times they’ve faced off Undertaker has used dick kicks and choke slams and tombstones to beat down Brock. I love Taker, but at this moment in time he is up against the greatest attraction in sports entertainment. Plus, Brocks owns Summerslam. I hope he suplexes Taker 5 thousand times and beats him silly with his own limbs.

Prediction: BROCK LESNAR.

-Ryan

5 Star’s From Last Nights #RAW

The go home edition of Raw was live last night from Brock Lesnar’s home state of Minnesota. This year’s Summerslam is a 4 hour show, so WWE had a lot of ground to cover last night. John Cena and Dolph Ziggler returned, the NXT women reigned supreme and The Undertaker is kind of a dick. Let’s get to the 5 stars from last nights Raw!

1. Roman Reigns

Reigns and Harper had easily the best match on the show, and while a lot of that has to be attributed to the workhorse that is Luke Harper, Reigns had an impressive showing as well. The problem I have with Reigns is probably the same problem everyone else has with him, which is the same problem we’ve had with Cena forever. I’m past the point of thinking Reigns is going to lose, but Jesus Christ man, sell once in awhile. He and Harper go through a 15 minute war and Reigns wins and just hops around like he just got finished with a brisk job. Reigns should have lost after Harper hit the super kick/sit out power bomb, but that’s too much to ask of WWE right now. So if he’s not going to lose, at least have him make it look like he’s had a tough match. He’s got the look, his in ring skills are coming around and as long as his promo’s are kept relatively short, he’ll have no problem being the guy. But being the next John Cena is never going to work, so figure out something else and stick with it.

 2. NXT Women

Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks both won Raw matches via submission, and the NXT women continue to dominate on Raw. The only problem I see with this is that the same stuff has been happening since all three debuted. Nikki Bella is still champion, Team Bella is still referred to as the standard bearer of the Diva’s division and we haven’t even gotten a pay per view Diva’s title match yet. All 9 of the Divas are in an elimination tag match at Summerslam, so I guess we have to wait until Night of Champions for something to actually happen. I love the actual wrestling, but it seems to me that they’re going in circles. If you’re trying to buy time until Nikki Bella passes AJ Lee as the longest reigning Diva’s champion, fine, but at least develop a #1 contender to her title. As great as the NXT women are, they need a storyline beyond ‘I have two friends and six enemies”.

3. Seth Rollins

Rollins’ promo was a little long winded, but when you’re wearing a t-shirt that says ‘never shuts up’, that’s to be expected. As refreshing as his words were, this isn’t the first time someone has called out John Cena on his bullshit, and it won’t be the last. I still liked the promo though, and obviously Rollins is right. Honestly all you have to do is look back on the Kevin Owens feud to see that everything Cena says is bullshit. Owens beat him, CLEAN, in the middle of the ring, which is the one thing Cena asked the young guys to do. Cena has a rematch before the fucking pay per view is even over, and continues to beat Owens until he’s on to the next thing. Cena thinks by saying Owens is a ‘hell of a competitor’ that it negates the fact that he just tossed another young guy aside so he could stay on top, but of course it doesn’t. I know Owens is great on the microphone and in the ring, but what he needed, and what Bray Wyatt and Rusev needed before him, was to beat John Cena without Cena immediately getting back the heat he never lost to begin with. Cena will probably beat Rollins Sunday, and then six months from now the WWE will wonder why none of these young guys are big stars yet.

4. John Cena

As much as Cena completely usurped one of Rollins’ best promos, it still sold the match. Cena’s also got a legit reason to be pissed off, which always helps his promos out. Wacky, funny Cena is the worst Cena, but a John Cena who just wants to beat you up is the best Cena. Rollins legitimately busted his nose and kept him off Raw for a few weeks, and although I disagree with a lot of stuff Cena does, you can’t deny that the guy loves being in the WWE. He lives and breathes the WWE, and not being able to be on Raw and hear the crowd cheer/boo him probably ate him up inside. Also, everything he said was true. The crowd was chanting either ‘let’s go Cena’ or ‘Cena sucks’ but nobody was saying anything about Rollins. That’s mostly the WWE’s fault, but sometimes you have to call a spade a spade. I refuse to pick against Cena anymore, especially if he’s facing a young guy, so unless the Authority interferes, John Cena will be your new super duper champion.

 5. Paul Heyman & Brock Lesnar

Paul Heyman is a special kind of wonderful on the microphone, and watching Brock Lesnar get legitimately teary eyed during his homecoming was weirdly heartwarming. This is the same guy who ripped the door off a car and who could murder me, but is somehow making me root for him against the god damn Undertaker. Speaking of Taker, he’s kind of a dick now, going low on Lesnar for the second time in a month. How pissed off do you think everyone backstage is when they found out you could beat Brock Lesnar by just kicking him in the dick? Taker comes out and gets booed out of the building, which he should, because as much as he’s earned every ovation he’s received, he’s going against the Beast and Brock Lesnar is white hot right now. Plus, Brock beat Taker fair and square at WM 30. Lesnar was the alpha male and Taker was the old man. He didn’t’ cheat. He just beat him until he couldn’t get up anymore, so Taker is really coming off as a jackass. Heyman’s promo was great, too, and he continues to switch his delivery up and simultaneously hype up Brock and sell whatever match he’s pegged with selling. I hope Brock goes over Sunday, but you never know with the Undertaker involved. Either way, it should be one hell of a main event.

-Ryan

The Undertaker & Bray Wyatt Will Steal The Show At WrestleMania by @adam_barnardino

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This Sunday, live from Levi’s Stadium in San Francisco, CA, the show of shows returns, Wrestlemania.  Wrestlemania 31 that is, and much like the return of the event itself, so returns one of sports entertainments most iconic figures, The Undertaker.

The Undertaker has been left off television since his loss to Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania 30, leaving a bit of mystery as to where he’s been.  Thankfully our imaginations as to where he has been have been filled with a series of television melting promos from The Eater of Worlds, Bray Wyatt.

While any match with The Undertaker at Wrestlemania is a constant marquee event, this year’s has been left to the side a bit.  Due to other high profile feuds and the fact that the Deadman hasn’t been on WWE television since last year’s Wrestlemania, it feels as though this match hasn’t gotten the air time it deserves.  I’m here to tell you, that not only is it deserving of all the hype, but it has all the potential in the world to steal the show at Wrestlemania 31.

The Undertaker: Although he  will be 50 years old by the time the show goes live this Sunday, I have no doubt in my mind that he has been training like a maniac for this match.  At this point in his career, every match could be his last, so I highly doubt he’ll want to go out there and lay an egg in front of 70,000 people for the last time.  He has proven time and time again he can still go at his age.  Last year’s match with Brock Lesnar wasn’t a classic like his performances against Shawn Michaels, but it was a match that will be remembered forever because of its outcome, a loss and his first loss at WrestleMania (to the perfect opponent might I add. But that’s a story for another time).  A lot of people are forgetting that The Undertaker received a severe concussion from the Beast early on in the match, obviously affecting his performance until he was pinned.  In other words, the physicality and pace of the match this year will surpass that of last year due to his time off and his opponent.

Bray Wyatt:  The New Face of Fear, and rightfully so because at 26 years old I still find his in ring antics and promos mildly disturbing.  It goes without saying that Wyatt has carried this feud alone with his superior microphone work, but how will his in ring performance be?  At times in his young career his matches have been called into question, but do you remember these matches: Wyatt vs. Daniel Bryan, Wyatt vs. Jericho on Raw, Wyatt’s vs. Shield, his series of matches of Dean Ambrose, hell even his two losses to John Cena last year were A+ performances.  I have no doubt Wyatt will bring it this Sunday simply due to the fact that his character refuses to fail.  Bray Wyatt, in his mind and at his core will not lose a match even if he is pinned.  He looked great in defeat to Cena last year and even if he should lose to Undertaker this Wrestlemania, he will not go quietly.  However, I believe he is exactly the type of character WWE needs right now, a superstar with an edge like no other, and this superstar will shine in defeat or ascend to the top in victory.

The Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt:  This match is going to surprise a lot of people, and like I said, has the potential to steal the show.  Unlike Brock Lesnar, the Undertaker will be able to unload all of his moves on Wyatt simply due to his size.  Not to say Bray Wyatt is a small guy, because his strength, agility and a move set that complements them will be as punishing to the Undertaker as they have been to his other opponents.  It won’t be the physicality in the ring that people remember this match for.  It will be the story they tell.  Wyatt is one of the most vocal in ring superstars today, and he will undoubtedly showcase that on Sunday.  No one makes facial and body expressions during matches better than these two.   A moment I’m personally looking forward to is when the Undertaker sees Wyatt’s spider walk for the first time; as well as when the Undertaker suddenly sits up after suffering a devastating move.  People think this match could fail because they are “similar characters”.  How so?  They’re both creepy? What makes The Undertaker great is his presence and what makes Bray Wyatt great is his vocal leader persona.  Two very different attributes that I believe have been overlooked and will ultimately be the driving force behind this match.

It is because of these reasons above that I believe The Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt will steal the show at Wrestlemania 31.  The defeat of Triple H at Wrestlemania 29 in Hell in a Cell may have been the end of an era, but I believe that Bray Wyatt will begin a new era after a clean win over the Undertaker that will catapult him to the top of WWE for years to come.

– Adam

The Undertaker is Winning My March Madness Pool

We talk WrestleMania, March Madness and wood sanding techniques!

– The Average Nobodies

Mankind Thrown From the Top of The Cell Like You Have Never Seen it Before

God I love YouTube.

-Matt

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