This one should be good. The reviews for products that people can actually wear or use have been dynamite, so I can only imagine what people have to say about a UFO Detector. As always, my 5 favorite reviews.

UFO-02 Detector

Accurate and Faithful

This little gizmo is a bargain at twice the price and much more accurate than the voices in my head.

This not work!

We here. This thing not find us. It not work. We watch you from afar. You think, why we post on here? We post because we want become friend. We not like movie. We not want blow up congress. We not want steal water. We not want eat you. Most time not want put thing in butt. When human ready, we show you us. For now, we wait.

[not sure why the aliens are speaking in an Asian accent, but I’ll go with it]

This Is An Emergency Transmission

Please, someone, ANYONE- You have to help us. I don’t have much time! If my calculations are correct, it should be sometime in the year 2014 for whomever is reading this. They’re already among you. Lurking. Waiting. Biding their time.

I remember. I was there.

When they finally revealed themselves… It was a slaughter; we were overrun in days. The key to thwarting the invasion lies in this device, the UFO-02. By 2022 almost every American will have one. DO NOT BUY IT. THEY USE IT TO CONTROL US, TO TURN US AGAINST ONE ANOTHER, TO MASSACRE US.

Everyone is dead. The last pockets of survivors are living in caves and underground bunkers. My group ran out of food four days ago. We drank the last of the water yesterday morning. Ammunition is scarce. I am only risking contact because our group is already lost. We plan to make our final stand at sundown, to make one last assault against their li- wait, what’s that? Who’s- Oh God, THEY’RE HERE. THEY’VE FOUND US!

TO ARMS! TO ARMS, COMRADES! ATTTAAAAAACK! ATTAAAAA-

WARNING

Do not BUY this product! It is a scam. It doesn’t detect UFOs! It is a transmitter that sends a message to them giving them legal and moral consent to anal probe you! My neighbor learned the hard way and will never be the same!

LOL

[love the ‘LOL’. You got us good on that one.]

Intelligent Lifeforms Come Knocking

While I have roamed far and wide, I have had an extremely difficult time finding intelligent life here on Earth. Five minutes watching Fox News and I had just about given up hope and that the ‘Climate Change’ deniers, the ‘Intelligent Design’ proponents, the ‘We have A Muslim President’, and the ‘TSA is all about our security’ group were the only life forms in our neck of the galaxy.

I am now filled with hope my UFO-02 Detector, magnetometer interfaced with micro controller will bring the smart ones to me so I can carry on an intelligent conversation. I carefully unpacked the device, left packaging feedback on Amazon, and plugged it into an outlet in my pyramid. Not five minutes passed before it lit up like a Christmas tree, lights flashing, sounds sounding, and buzzes buzzing. I ran to the door of my pyramid and saw a man standing there holding flyers for house cleaning services. I asked him if he was from another planet, but he simply said he was from out of town, got the job sticking the flyers in front door, and after spending one more night at the Holiday Inn Express, he was heading home.

Clearly I will need to do some minor adjustments to my UFO-02 Detector, magnetometer interfaced with micro controller because it was close, but not close enough..

Excited? You betcha’

Any suggestions for Amazon customer reviews? Tweet us @averagenobodies. And watch out for those aliens. They’re feisty.

– Ryan